moved.

I've moved to:

http://patchsofthots.spaces.live.com/

..cast in stone..

Confirm already...leaving in mid or end September.

I repeatedly ask myself, 'How do I feel?' I don't know. But I cried last night at the thought of September.

I bought P.S I Love You 3 weeks back from the Times GSS sale. I so regretted reading it yesterday. Throughout the MRT ride to work and home, I was controlling my tears. Scratch my bare wounds with my hands. Serves me right.

Its sad.

But there's a quote in the book that really caught my eye and its been repeating itself in my empty brain.

"Grieving is part of helping yourself"

So far, only my bro has told me to cry all I want as there's no point in holding it back. And he encouraged me to talk to mum and cry out as long as I can. He reckon that I'd feel alot better.

I've decided to follow that quote, except I'm not grieving, until I think I had enough. I'm also planning for a short trip, regardless whether its approved by my boss or not, after he leaves. So far, I think that is the thought i agree with most in terms of getting myself up.

I will go on a short trip, even a Bangkok trip is good. Shop my heart out. I need company thou, any volunteers? But pay yourself la!

I really wonder how he is going to handle it there. It will be so...lonely, so independent. This is the 1 time where he needs comfort, but I cannot give him any. Cause I need alot of that myself too. Given a choice, I will really wanna join him. But, the time is not right.

IF, if only I hadn't taken my degree 2 years back, I would be able to join him. But, its just plain talk. Its too late for reverse gear.

To god, let days ahead be peaceful and smooth for both of us...
-----
Apart from that, work...
Never been good. Sickeningly shitty. But, I'd hang on here till I'm more emotionally ready. When I'm back to normal. Then plan when the time comes. But the colleagues are nice. Fun. Just the work is, boring. No kidding.

Tomorrow will be my 1st month there. But, its boring the shit outta me. A lot of mess to clear.
----
Fun.
Never had that for sometime except my weekends with him. Meeting the Nafta girls tomorrow. Finally. Hope it will be a good one.
----
Bottomline: I hate my life now.

time is precious

Time left: 4 months or less
Time flies. I hope it flies faster after he leaves.

I met Joe 2 weeks back. Damn sweet of him to get me a Corrine May CD. Its nice.

Everyone is telling me to be ok. But, I cannot. So leave me be. I can handle my emotions, at least for now. Its an improvement already. Another thing, that I think is an improvement is, I've been thinking of stuffs I can do after he goes. Things like knitting, beading classes etc....See how things go after October.

Now, all that matters to me is, spend time together. Then when he leaves, I'd just go with the flow. Follow what my heart tells me. That's how I want to handle this thing.

I had a real great weekend with him. And that's memorable.

Work, boring. Doing the same thing over and over again. But it's busy enough to keep me from thinking about things, most of the time. But, frankly speaking, I don't like the job. It's so repetitive. I want something with more versatility. But, let it be now.

I'm meeting Sarah & Pris this weekend. Looking forward to it. A girl's night out. I need more of that.

clouded.touched.

I'm really touched that my dear Sarah called me after seeing my email to update on myself & get updates on others.
Friends....I love u guys too!

Volunteer to be with me, to listen, to keep quiet when I sob quietly over the phone. (Thanks dearie)

At this point of time, I have no idea what other songs can be better than this song by Oasis - Stop Crying Your Heart Out.

When will I happily stop crying and look forward to joining him (holiday) or his coming back? - I'd change it when I'm finally fine. *Grinz*

I have manage to come to terms that he is going (not like I have a choice lor), and we both have sorted things out like grown-ups. Now is just he parting part. Being apart for months before I can see him! HOW CAN!?

Yes I'm whining again. If you're complaining, try putting yourself in my shoes. 6 lovely years together and now apart? Not easy. Its never easy when norms are no longer the norms.

Now, I'm just hopeful for the future, pray vamps stay away from him. He's afterall a fantastic man can. But he's mine ladies & 'Gents' *Grrrr*

I do have plans to join him. But I'm leaving all these planning to after he leaves and after I'm emotionally stable again.

For now, every millisecond is important.

I'm cherishing it. dearly.

i'm finally hit.

Entry from the previous blog says about how I fear he will tell me he's going.

Now, HE'S REALLY GOING.

He told me last Tuesday (10 June), and I'd been in an emotional turmoil since then.

I'd been wanting to write this entry. But I couldn't. Each time I think about it, him leaving me for 3 years, walls of the tear dam burst.

Each night, I cry myself to sleep. That is the only way of letting it out. Words cannot describe how I feel now. In fact, I don't really know how I am feeling except - distraught.

I've spoken to only a few about this. I don't know how to open this topic to people who knows me. Everyone's answers are pointing me to optimism, but I still can't steer myself there. I'm struggling.

I'd be struggling for long days to come. If people around me are tired of my emo-ing, this is what I am going to be. And I will be like this till the day I walk myself out of this. It is really hard to pretend nothing is happening, it is hard to take each day like the norm. Pretending it is the same and I'm ok, is avoidance. Facing it, is what I am being now, distraught. Cry.

I do not know how some couples can take that living apart. But, at least for now, I cannot. So please stop telling me to try to. I cannot! Not that I don't try. I am. Trust me. I don't wish to be like this at all. Trying makes me feel alot more worse. I rather be what I really am feeling. I feel better.

I cannot wait for the day I overcome my own barrier. I will be damn lonely can. So please ask me out people. I'm in deep social shit.

As for him, I know very well when he speaks of our better future. I'd be really happy for the 3 years to be over soon. And till then, if it is still our future, i'd be thrilled. We can only take it a step at a time.

He wants me to wait. But he cannot give me the assurance of OUR future. Now, he is too stressed and confused to talk about anything. I understand. But I feel, it is not good to leave the r/s hanging also.

But at least, I have friends n family here after he leaves. I know they will be there for me. But he will be all alone there. So boy, if you ever read this, I'm always a call away. I'd be waiting for the 3 years to be over and he comes back to me. Though things will be different by then, but at least, we can still keep the long running r/s going. Its already been so long, its not right to kill it off with our own hands.

Just hope that life don't make a fool out of both of us.

cold

I know, I'm whining, I'm being emo. But, if I could help it, I wouldn't want this at all.

It feels like I'm facing cold spell deep down. I don't know what to face anymore towards the relationship.

Seriously, everyday I'm just so afraid to hear him tell me, "Ger, I'm going." I don't know how I'd react to this. I'm scared.

Being devoted to this relationship for 6 years, I suddenly realize my life is disastrous without him. And I want to get myself out of this. Really. Help....

I've no idea how to face him and pretend everything is okay. The longer this drags, the worse I feel everyday.

I know he's vexed enough. Pressing him for an answer won't help anything. I can only do the thing i hate most.

Wait. Wait. Wait.

I know something for sure, I want him to make a decision he will never look back and regret. His decision will decide the next phase of this relationship.

Bless us.

The "We" Essence

The word, "We" is very much the missing element in my 6 years relationship.

Both of us are seen together outside, at his house and mine. But, what have WE really established other than being seen externally as a couple?

Never once did we talk about our future together. "Our Plans" have never existed at all.

Is it the memories the binding factor that holds us together for 6 years or is it really love? I really can't tell.

Last night I finally spoke to him about it (his plans for our future). And his "anything can happen" seems to end the conversation. Yes, anything can happen. But does it mean that you stop planning for the next day, the day after, the next month and the next year?

Is "anything can happen" defined as 'planning for the next second'?

I'm a strong believer in 'Anything can happen', but it doesn't stop me from planning 5 years ahead of time and change as things goes. Maybe its just ME.

It appears to me that he is not even sure if I'm The One. That's a very sad thing. What am I worth to him? I've never known my importance in his life.

And today, he broke the news to me. He couldn't get a local U admission. And his dad will not want him to do his degree in other U in SG. There seems to be only 1 option - study overseas. Like I said before, I don't believe in long distance relationship. I think he don't as well.

But at least for today, we're talking things in a We context. But I don't think we'd be we for long.

F.O.R.T.U.N.A.T.E

I'm watching the charity show as I'm writing this.

Teardrops fell when I heard the song, Tong Hua. This song somewhat relates to the situation in China really well.

As I'm watching this show, they highlighted a few damn sad stories.

Damn Sad Story 1: A man was stuck below the rubbles for 3 days. And told the resucers who found him to save him, and said he needs to live on. He had a pregnant wife waiting for him. After 6 hours of rescue works, they manage to get him out. But, on the way to hospital, he just stopped breatheing. While he was still stuck, they helped him make a call to his wife. And suddenly all hopes were lost. Imagine the kind of sadness the rescuers felt? His wife? Heard and lost.

Damn Sad Story 2: A mother was found dead in a kneeling position. After the rescuers got her out, they cleaned her up. In that attempt, they found that she was carrying her 4-months old baby, unhurt. And also found on her was a mobile phone, with a msg typed out before she died in Chinese. "My beloved baby, if you are alive, just know that mom loves you."

So cruel.

What the celebrities said is true, we're really lucky to be living in a country free from natural disasters. The only method of destroying a family, is via accidents or man-made.

I bet many still take it for granted. Curse and swear about the government, lifestyle here etc. I think its time to slow down the swearing and think about how fortunate you are compared to the living and the dead in SiChuan. And you're likely to curse lesser. That makes you a better person, you know?

Today's Sunday, my family day. Dad's finally done with his work too. Its been about 1 month since we had our family day. I had a recurring thought, I'm fortunate. They're still with me, safe and very much alive and happy.
That's all I need.

From this sorrowful incident, I've learnt to cherish my family, my possessions, and friends more than before. I have finally understood the meaning of FORTUNATE. Nothing should be taken for granted. Nothing is absolute. Being happy is more than 1 can ask for.

To workaholics, guilty parties who have neglected their families, loved ones, its time to gather time, and substantial amount of time for them. You never know when you'd lose them. Gather as much happy memories as possible. Life is too unpredictable, too fragile.

Life still have to go on. Just hope this will pass very soon and it all becomes a history.
--
This week is my last full week with the current company. Seriously, I'm very nervous about the new company. I'm getting cold feet. I've never done anything related to that new job before. Its just like what I told the hiring manager, "I have nothing but a degree."

But I'm lucky to be employed, being able to pursue my dreams, my goals in life as long as I'm living, have the support of my family, my loved ones. Its by far the most motivating factor in life, regardless what kind of situation you're in. Once you lose it, you lose the direction in life. Life's nothing without love & family.

So much for now...

Old hag & my facial session

first of all, I declare, I have NO DISCRIMINATION against aunties. But only this 1.

I was having my facial, and she too was on a trial, just need to pay a mere $20+ dollars for the service, while mine, I signed a package, meaning paid alot more per session.

Unfortunately, we started our sessions at the same time.

We talked through her entire facial session with the beautician. Talked about her son getting married, her daughter graduated from some countries, and her 'Diet Adventure". - Seriously, no one cares how fat you are, no one cares whether your son gets married or your daughter graduated. And no one even cared about how many kids you have. So just shut up and do your facial.

And her mobile phone is not put on slient mode, she answered answered and spoken like god-damned loudly in a small room! Worse still, her relative or friend later came in and this hag actually stand beside the bed of her someone & GOSSIP!

Man, that was the last straw. I had to vent it. I see no reason why I have keep quiet and make my facial session a bad 1. She destroyed mine, I do the same. I sat up on my bed and said loudly, "its damn noisy." And I think her friend heard it. And asked her to stop talking and go off since she's already done. But she carried on rattling. If you wish to talk so fucking much, can you please go to the kopitiam, buy 1 cup of 80 cents kopi and rattle all you want?

A beauty/spa salon is NOT THE PLACE TO RATTLE! Some privacy should be put in placed. Just like what they do in cinemas. This is the first time my facial session is so fucking horrible and ruined.

Many may think I'm petty to quarrel with an aunty. But, let's take for example, movies in a cinema. The standard is, everyone have their phones switched off, don't talk (whisper) and enjoy the show.

But someone sitting BESIDE you, starts talking loudly, phone kept ringing (not once but twice) and talked on her phone damn fucking loudly. What would you do?! Keep quite and tolerate and waste your movie ticket? Remember, you bought your ticket, she bought hers too. But there is some SOP that you have to maintain right! Besides, its common sense. Why do people go to movies? For entertainment, for the show, for relaxing and taking your mind off work n all other rubbish outside for that mere 2-3 hours.

Same goes for facial. Why do people go to facial? To get their skin problems solved, to maintain their skin, and of course to relax! So would you like to have someone be it aunty or youngster speaking loudly? Some may tolerate, but I don't.

But 1 thing I'm quite sure of is, they will not get her business. To my beauty salon, I'm sorry for creating havoc. But I saved your ass from a talkative client. To my beautician, thanks for making my session alot better by giving me extra massages. She's really good ok. I going to write her a letter of compliment.

I'm probably selfish by venting my anger, but the beauticians have to clear up the mess. I just want my right justified.

I told wei about this, think he didn't quite agree. But, I don't care.

prayers answered

I GOT A JOB!

And I'm damn happy can!

Its really a luck thingy. I was in the mood to send CVs online & just tried which ever marketing related jobs I could see on the jobs portal. And, ~wala~, I was called up for an interview and had to rush down for it during lunch yesterday as office is really short handed.

It was a long 1, and very unprepared. I was so nervous my heart felt like it was in my mouth. I wonder why. Previous interviews weren't like this.

The interviewer, who happened to also be the MD of the coy, was considering who to hire (he was also considering another candidate).

Surprisingly, I got it. *yeah*

So I requested for an email to have that 'security' that I'm offered before I tender to the boss. Since my manager wasn't around, I had to give it to him. But before hand called her to inform her.

So, yeah, here I am, DELIGHTED.

But of course, my manager and another fellow colleague won't be happy with my leaving. Its damn stressful now. And they need someone who really knows what to do to handle the work. I only have 1 and a half week for handover. But, no matter how, everything has to come to a certain end-point. Nothing loops on forever.

I'm leaving the current company on the 4th of June, and starting work immediately the next day. Think I don't need any break in between. I already had enough break.

Is this the beginning of a change towards the better?

I hope. *x-fingers*

Nothing is Absolute

The past couple of days had been upsetting. And I'm dying to get it out of my chest. Readers beware. Its a long entry today.

China Earthquake
Heart breaking.

Seeing TV and newspaper reports on e deaths n number of quakes. The constant hindrance from the wrecked roads n strong quakes has caused more death n difficulty in rescue efforts. God is destroying his own creations. There's been too many quakes, please let it stop soon. To date, there's been more than 3000 quakes (big & small). Newborns became orphans. Parents become childless over night. The unimaginable pain in their heart's. Nothing else can heal it. Nothing.

For people who are reading this entry, spare a few minutes n offer your prayers to e dead, the victims, the rescuers, the survivors n e now-paralyzed etc. God just created a whole lot of crippled, homeless, orphans. How are the crippled going to live their lives in future? *Sigh*

I, too saw a newspaper report on a newborn, trapped under the debris, survived by drinking his/her deceased mum's breast milk for I think 3 days.

Another police woman offered her own comfort to a newborn by offering him/her her milk. That newborn too lost his parents in the quake.

Many survivors in order to keep their lives have to lose at least a limp. 1 woman had to saw off her leg in order to be carried out of the debris. A huge rock was resting on her leg, and rescuers have no other way to lift her out other than to get her to saw off her own limp. And she bravely did it herself.

Out of this incident, you get to see, Love is in the air. Celebrities, countries, citizens of all colors and races offered their contributions, in cash, some even action.

To all Singaporeans who are living here, and constantly complaining about how sucky our country is, this is a time to stop complaining. Nothing is perfect. But at least we are living here safely, and in peace. We're free from natural disasters, at least for now.

Marriage, Relationships, Women & Men
One of my dad's friend A has a china mistress in her 30s, still holding a student pass in Singapore. He now wants to divorce his wife of more than 30 yrs. Went through thick n thin with him, bore him 3 kids. And now he wants to divorce her because of this student pass holder woman in her 30s. No brainer. He even wants to follow this China woman to her home town, saying that she promised to support him there. - Ya, right.

Moron.

He wants to sell off his business, leave his money with his wife. Anyway the business ownership & bank account is under his wife's name. She's got no loss anyway. But imagine the hurt in her heart. All these money cannot be used as compensation. No amount of money can compensate for heart-breaks. He highlighted that he couldn't stand his wife's temper anymore. After 30 over years of marriage, he cannot stand her. - Ya, right.

When men wants to leave you, they give you all sorts of stupid excuses.

And lately I heard a friend wants to marry a Thai woman also in her 30s. He knew her in a Thai pub less than 2 months ago. My friend is in his mid 20s who just started working. This woman pushed him for marriage. And mentioned she will not work after they get married. Just want stay home and be tai-tai.

Now tell me, How? How to believe in marriage, men n even women? I seriously have lost sense of all these suddenly. Can u really believe in it? I suddenly feel, a relationship is so weak even when you're married for decades.

I suddenly feel so scared.

Nothing is absolute. It doesn't mean your husband will not cheat on u after 30 yrs of marriage. It doesn't mean your boyfriend of many years will not leave you for another 3rd grade woman. How strong-willed can a man be?

I've also heard it from a male friend who frequents these pubs. He had friends who literally ditch their girlfriends of many years to visit these pubs. *Sigh*

Ok. To all men out there. No decent girlfriend will accept u frequenting these places ok! No! So make your choice n don waste our youth! Don't be so fucking selfish.

Question
What is the equation for a blissful relationship, marriage? Everyone's equation is different. I'm impressed by those who manage to keep their marriage going after many years.

How much trust should you give?

But at least for now, I have no confidence in it, not even in the future of my own relationship.

Nothing is absolute.

disasters...

Recent reports on Cyclone Nargis that hit Myanmar and Earthquake at Sichuan Province (China) had been quite heart wrenching.

But here, you see 2 different scenarios, 1 welcoming all the help they could gather, and the other, blocking out "cries to help".

End of the day, its the citizens who suffer. Being the government of a country, you're like the parents of the country. And your peasants/citizens are your children.

Does it really feel good to see everyone suffering in your country? Gosh, looking at the news reports, its quite disturbing to see someone rejecting help. The dead is already rotting, the dying are joining in the rotting club. Yet, they're not concerned about it.

Rescuers have to fucking WAIT for visa to be issued before they can enter the Myanmar to save their people. C'mon, your people need help. Can't they just speed up the process? Is your process, your regulations more important than your people? Why not let the humanitarians save your people and care about your regulations later? Besides, these people entering your country are doing it out of humanitarian act, it is volunteered! They do it willingly. It's already been 10 days and only a minority have gotten the aid. But UN suspected death toll to be more than 100,000 people (Myanmar government reported about 60K people only).

Not many people will want to go there and suffer with your suffering peasants. They are also exposed to god-knows-what diseases there is now with all the rotting bodies, infiltrating into the water, their land, their fields.
Donations have been called for and humanitarian organizations have already gathered quite a substantial amount of money to aid these dying people. For God's sake, just accept the help.

See! See how people risks their lives to help?
Article taken off Channel News Asia - 11 May 08

BANGKOK - A boat carrying Red Cross aid supplies to survivors of Myanmar's cyclone sank on Sunday in the disaster zone after hitting a submerged tree trunk, but no one was injured, the organisation said.

"The crew steered to an island but the boat sank rapidly. All crew members, including four Myanmar Red Cross relief workers on board... managed to get to safety," it said in a statement.

Another Report: 12 May 08

BANGKOK, May 12 (Reuters) - A furious rescue worker accused Myanmar's military junta on Monday of crimes against humanity for refusing to fast-track visas for aid officials desperate to enter the country to help the 1.5 million survivors of Cyclone Nargis.

They say they will call, but it's always wait, wait, wait," Pierre Fouillant of the Comite de Secours Internationaux, a French disaster rescue agency, told Reuters after being turned awawy from the former Burma's embassy in the Thai capital.

"I've never seen delays like this, never," said Fouillant, a veteran of 10 humanitarian disasters. "It's a crime against humanity. It should be against the law. It's like they are taking a gun and shooting their own people."

ike dozens of others, Fouillant applied on Thursday for a business visa, his only option since the military-ruled and isolated southeast Asian nation has no such thing as an "emergency aid" visa.

The embassy was closed on Friday for a Thai government holiday, and was locked shut on Saturday and Sunday. It opened as normal on Monday morning.

At least 100,000 people are thought to have died in the May 2 cyclone and storm surge in the Irrawaddy delta, a death toll that could rise dramatically if survivors do not get access to food, clean water and medicine in the next few days, experts say.

Reuters witnesses on the edges of the disaster zone say towns and villages are being swamped by huge numbers of cyclone refugees and cannot cope.

There is virtually no government assistance and food is running out. Some residents say they are afraid the desperate evacuees will be forced to turn to looting.

FRUSTRATION

Against this backdrop, small groups of rescue workers are having to wait outside the iron-spiked, grey walls of the embassy compound in Bangkok while their leaders and local visa agents try to see if their applications have got anywhere.

"It is very frustrating," said Australian firefighter Craig Allan, who dropped everything at home to get to Bangkok and apply for a visa on Thursday.

His agency, part of Baptist World Aid, is called "Rescue 24" as it is meant to be able to put a team on the ground within 24 hours of any disaster anywhere in the world. In this case, it might be 24 days, he joked bleakly.

The U.N. says it has been promised three World Food Programme visas to be issued on Monday evening, and a handful of aid workers are getting visas at Myanmar embassies elsewhere around the world.

Some ordinary people are applying for tourist visas simply because they want to check on friends living in a country that still has an ability to cast a spell over visitors despite -- some might say because of -- its military government.

"I went there once as a tourist and fell in love with the place," said one American student who had flown in from Los Angeles. He said he had many Burmese friends from a year teaching English and learning Burmese in the former capital, Yangon.

"I just want to check my friends are OK and see what I can do," the student said. He did not want to give his name in case it jeopardised his application. "They said come back in four days. I'll just keep my fingers crossed," he said.

Before the cyclone struck, it took just 24 hours to process a tourist visa.

Patrick Michaudel, a French employee of medical services company SOS International, with clinics in Yangon, was almost in tears as he left the embassy at the end of a fruitless week-long wait for a visa. When he got to the front of the queue, Michaudel was elated to see his passport open on the desk with a visa inside.

He could only watch in horror as a female official then carefully peeled the visa sticker out of his passport and crudely covered up the partial stamp on the passport page with liquid paper. "No reason, no reason. She just peeled it out," he said, with a shrug of the shoulders. "I've had enough of this. I'm going home."

What are they thinking?

Hello !!! Luck you there??!

I'd been kinda lazy to blog lately. Partly also pre-occupied with my iPhone.

I'd been busy searching for job lately. Had been doing that for like months...I hope to stop soon. I hate searching for job, WAIT, and going for interviews and WAIT again! No luck......when is it coming?

Work has been so far, been bearable, probably because I decided its enough. I'm joining the jobless crew soon again. *grinz*

I manage to catch Speed Racer last weekend. Quite a brainless show thou, very graphical, but watchable. But two very prominent message in the show: believe in yourself & your believe and family matters.

I was sitting beside 2 China girls. No offence to the China community, not picking on anyone except them. They chatting among themselves, talking on the phone and taking their food loudly. And they fidget around like nobody's business. Soooo darn annoying. At 1 point of time their talking became so loud, i told the brainless bimbo beside me, "Can you please stop talking?" It stopped, but their munching continued loudly.

So god-damned inconsiderate. Bloody hell.

Its a rule of life to adapt to your surroundings. When you move to another country, you need to adapt to their culture. If you're so used to your life back Home, please go back there. Rather than to create such a bad image for your homeland. But, they are just 2 of the black sheeps. I've met some who're nice and polite.

Today, I'm heading for an interview. Hope it goes well. I'm praying so often, but nothing comes true as yet. *sigh*

Everyday is a hopeful day....cheers!

internal conflicts...

Its a week of true colors.

Sly fox in the company (the boss) is threatening to kill headcount of another department if sales doesn't increase. Meaning, rice bowl of another colleague lies in the hands of our sales. Wicked.

And he's critising that our team's pipeline of leads is lousy. We worked god-damned hard for it ok! And yet he effortlessly critised. Its very demoralising and hurting.

And he said I'm a slow worker. Handling things from the front end to the back end. I've already tried my best. I owe him no explanation. I guess he just wants someone to put 48 hours into 24 hours. That equivalent to asking for the moon.

Anyway, I'm still in office, waiting for time to meet my poly buddies. And I have a long wkend ahead!

Now everyday, the only thing in my mind is FIND A JOB SOON! Gosh, its either my luck's really colored black or the job market's really in bad shape or its my asking price and my experience that has the problem. But I seriously need help soon man!

Cheers for the long weekend! HURRAY!

fights filled with laughter

I managed to catch The Forbidden Kingdom on Saturday @ Lido. And we saw Mark Lee and his wife. Pregnant. =) congrats.....And he drives my dream car!! Mini Cooper Convertible. Gosh.

If you're hoping for a good story line, forget it. Its more like a fantasy, comedy movie. The cinema was almost full. And the loudest sound in the cinema was laughs.

Its quite a heart-lightening show. If you're in need for a good laugh, you gotta catch it.

But its quite weird to see Chinese of the olden times speaking English. It just doesn't happen. Thats the part where I find that they failed to blend.

But still, for laughters, its a good show to catch.
--
Its Monday again. Hopefully I get to go some interviews this week. I'm all ready to go. Again, like every other day, old fool's asking for sales again. Not like he's hit his own target. He's far from it. Just cannot wake up his bloody idea. Depending on 1 person's sales to keep the company going. Mixing up all the cost & profit centres. He probably doesn't know a shit about cost & profit centres. *Faint* and he's called my boss. Like, how?
--
Just gotta bitch every other day. Life's like that. Bitch, be happy & move on...~yeah~

Happy Birthday to Myself

Living in this world for 23 years already.

Today is the day mum gave birth to me. After 9 months of torturing her, I'm finally out, to torture her physically. Thanks mum.

Received alot of smses when I wake up. Something different from everyday.

My wish, I believe that saying out will make it more likely to come true:
- Get a better new job
- More money
- He stays here and study well
- Be with me forever
- Family & friends stay happy & healthy
- World peace.

Good luck Esther..and everyone.

a blessed girl...Me...

I got a lip-shaped phone from Cindy & gang. haha..thanks...it really shows one thing - they totally have NO IDEA what to get me AT ALL!! LOL....But, I like anything that's from the heart. Even a simple 'Happy Birthday' means alot to me.

It really brightened up my day alot. Work's been rough, and I'd been rather upset with how things were. But meeting them on Thursday, I really lighten up alot. Thanks guys.

We went timbre, my fave place, the place I never get tired of. The food, I now declare, is FANTASTIC! We had Chicken kebab, Fish & Chips and Combo pizza (half roasted duck, the other some combined sauages flavour). Roasted duck is still better. and is the fave of the night. And of course, how can I go without my Erdinger right. Now I'm waiting for Cindy to send me the pics. Guess she forgot, she's real busy..

And today, my manager, she too got me something surprise. She actually made the effort to go get me the pair of slippers I saw with her over lunch few weeks back and left it on my chair. And this AM, I was thrilled & surprised. I love the slippers..its got cushioned base and straps. Feels like im walking on cushions. And its in electric blue!

She actually found out about my birthday through friendster. Haha. She's really sweet. I merely know her for about 6 months.

--
I went for an interview with a head hunter. A friendly guy. Hopefully I'd be able to secure a job soon. And out of the blue I got another call from another head hunter, saying that she's got this post in a huge mnc, and asked if I'd like to try. An assistant position. But I believe, I should have chances of growing there. Its international.

*x-fingers*

I'm starting to feel a change in luck..looking forward to a better new year.

and this, is the last blog in my 22nd year....Good bye 22...

when cohabiting isn't enough..

Seeing my friend, who had been living with her bankrupt boyfriend for near 5 years, and still unmarried - I feel kinda bad for her. She's turning 30 this year.

Its obvious that she is suppressing her desire to get married. Saying things like I just want a simple ROM and dinner with close friends. But in her eyes, its filled with envy and doubt.

Few years back when I just knew her, she was happy with her 'then' life.

Today, she asks questions like, "What is exactly done during a facial? What is Medicure and Pedicure?"

At times during the wedding we attended yesterday, she said, "I want my dinner done in ...", "I want my wedding pictures taken." and also asked what kind of gown she can wear to hide her tattoos. She don't just want a simple wedding, she wants it to be memorable. A day to call it hers.

Even Wei can see it. Only her jobless boyfriend is blinded.

It caught me thinking, "Would that happen to me?"

Girls, we gotta admit, we would want to settle down at some point of time. Its just a matter of time, its a phase we all go through. I believe majority including me would have poundered, "Will he marry me?".

Being in this relationship for near 6 years, I frequently wonder if he will waste my youth. We still have many years ahead before we can afford to settle down, that is provided he has this thought. In my previous entries, I did ask this question too. There's too many 'what-ifs'. Its quite scary to think, what if another 4 years down the road and he is still not ready? I don't want to be a wrinkled bride. *imagine myself wrinkled, wearing a wedding gown*

Quite unpleasant.

So, questions of the blog - What would you do if:
1. This man/girl you're with is wasting your youth?
2. He's avoiding his next phase in life with you?

It can be easy to answer, it won't be easy to do it.

my job sux, my iphone is tops..

I've gotta be a thrift spender this month.

Mum's, friend's birthday. Spent on my iPhone.

Anyways, I've collected my iPhone from my cousin. ~popping of champagne~

Its damn fun lor! Its a new fever between me and wei. 2 of us can sit at McDonald's and keep playing with it for hours. That's a new way of spending time. ~gosh!~ finally something new in our life. But, it's got its downside too.

The Bluetooth, is god-damned useless. you can only sync it with the Bluetooth headset. Not for sending pictures, files etc. Damn it!

But still, my new indulgence is a worthy 1. I like it. But it also means I have to part with my N61i, which is actually, a better phone compared to iPhone. It's got EVERYTHING I need.
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I'd been losing so frequently I can count the number of days in the week i manage to fall into deep sleep. I guess partly due to the fact that I can't get any job! Not even any call from the prospective employers. Is there no one out there willing to give me a chance?! Thinking of some prayers I can think of, but...unfortunately, none.

I'm like so damn sick of my work. Hunting (job) responses haven't been good. I guess, both me and my resume is JINXED to the pits. Time to change something. I'm going to start my resume makeover very soon! My birthday's coming, hopefully, hopefully, it changes my luck good too. *cross-fingers*

So fucking sway with job hunts. Its never been good. But at least, I have a job, thou, it sux to the max. A stingy, picky, calculative, narrow-minded, and everything-negative, everything-not-enough boss! FUCK OFF PIECE OF SHIT! arghhh...i really need to let it off. really. If only my manager can be the boss, it'd be so much easier. At least we both work together, try to improve things together, but its still never enough for him!? There's only so much we can do know....im so desperate.

the clients, are also irritating. haiz. what a shit job I have.
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fights

Scenario: A fight between a bunch of Malay teens.
Weapons: Fists, kicks, a knife that looks like a parang.
Victims: The spectators
Venue: Outside marriot hotel entrance
Witnesses: Many handfuls of shocked spectators, and 3 of us

well, the reason I'm blogging about this is because, at least 3 of us were utterly disturbed. what happened was, we were collecting our car from the valet at the hotel, and suddenly we hear running footsteps and shouts. suddenly 1 fell and 1 of the kids, looks very young, raise his knife and slashed him. within a split second, the chaos dispersed. it happened and ended too fast for anyone to react, leaving everyone stunned & speechless.

it caused distress, shock and murmurs after it ended. its so different from what we watch on movies thou. the sound of the slash sounded like "pak" instead of "slassssh".

but the thought began, what if that person was your loved one? what if its your friend? what if its a hi-bye friend? and you happen to witness it? what would you do?

and what would it be if it happened in crowds? will anyone innocent get hurt for no rhyme or reason?

think about it...

....my fault...

its monday again! ~locking my brows together tightly, and FROWN~

well, i've got complains about the jerk (the boss) again....

Q: is it my fault that 7pm is located right at the bottom of a daily calendar?
A: No.

Q: is it my fault that he doesnt read things all the way to the bottom?
A: No.

Q: is it my fault that he doesn't bother to check his appointments for the day before leaving the office?
A: No.

He did not bother to see the calendar of appointments set for the day, and its my fault client came and found the doors locked. Now that he lost the contract, he told my manager, "Esther put the appointment right at the bottom, and I did not see it." Asshole! (I used Google calendar, and printed the daily calendar (in BIG BOLD WORDS) out for him to track his appointments while my manager is not around. He was supposed to "HELP".)

I'd been literally baby-sitting him for the entire 2 days. Skype him 30 mins before appointment reaches, sms him to remind him of the appointments after lunch. All these, are not suppose to be my job. I'm not a PA. Its additional initiative, and how appreciated is it. -_-'

Gosh...my fault...

the constant whinning is actually making me rather tired....but I need to vent it...no choice...this is the best mode of vent-media.

Away from that....something I'm very looking forward to...

I'm getting my iphone soon! Hopefully if nothing goes wrong...my cousin living in texas has agreed to get me iphones when she's back...i cant wait for Singtel launch in Sept...besides, its gonna be more expensive. warranty not valid in SG thou, but, since when has a handphone lasted me more than 1 year? *smirk*

Growing older next month...23....7 more years left in the 20s...gotta enjoy it....so is mum....no idea what she needs....(maybe a way to get me home earlier on weekends so she wont call me in the wee hours to scold me...) so frustrating...why? Why cant she just sleep in peace. I'm in safe hands every weekend...

hmmm....dats all folks....

slience

apparently, my prayers weren't answered.

no news....

this week's a busy 1, running a 1.5man show at work for the week. the other 0.5 man, he's the boss, he loves being spoon-fed. so irritating..

i've been getting migraines so often now, i feel almost like my head's going to explode anytime. torturing. think i haven't drank for quite some time, thats y..haha....finding excuses to go for drinks..

yogesh is back! it was a surprise thou, never expected him to come back suddenly. and leave me a miss call using his SG number and tell me he called from India. Prick. On Sunday I was in a drowsy-state (just woke up), and saw his name appear on my hp...i was kinda stunned & happy that he might be back...heez...and yes! he's back..

think he looks skinner now...pris agreed with me. =)

i somehow realise slience in my relationship, the vacuum slience..none of us speak throughout the time together, not looking at each other..just pure slience...its so quiet, it almost feel like im in the library...

this is not the first time its happening. its the slience that i find so unbearable. but it usually wears off after some time. think our relationship's been existing for too long. we have nothing to do nowadays if our friends are not around. gosh..how??

im so looking forward to this coming Friday, its Good Friday holiday! Yeahz!

come to me......

good luck & money...thats what I'm asking for..

I've wanted to write an entry for this week, but been to tired...

having insomnia every now and then is a strain...its been happening for years by now..I'd never get used to it.

but i finally got to have a fantastic night of sleep...1 night...still not enough..

i went for an interview yesterday, finally 1 that went well, and i left the place happily, hoping for good news in the next few weeks.

~praying, pinning, hoping & wishing to the sun, stars and moon~

so it made my Wednesday rather well, considering the fact that i only slept less than 4 hours the previous night..
--

something i need to bitch about is...I've got very retarded programmers doing my Coy's website! and I've got an equally retarded boss..y in the world am i working for him? I'm not like him, not an atom like him at all...

if a web visitor submits a form to you, the FROM entry should be from the visitor (email add/name), the TO should be my work email add....yet....for all submissions, the FROM = TO...brainless fools and yet wants to be a programmer! and his attitude stinks...

even email & tell us (ppl in the coy) we should make up our minds. . .

seriously, need we even tell them what we want for this?? and yet the retarded boss can keep quiet after reading the email....~gosh~

he likes to pay & get suan-ed...not me...arghh...
--
just hope to hear some good news soon from the interview.....its a rainy march....if i weren't working, I'd be hibernating at times when i can close my eyes & sleep dreamless-ly for hours...

now, i just want the day to end soon & its FRIDAY!

...selfish vs self-less...fair vs unfair....

I'm reading this book titled - My Sister's Keeper...Recommended by one of my friends.

A very touching yet tear-jerking story.

Kate, is diagnosed with Acute Promyelocytic Leukemia (APL). Anna, her younger sister, is somewhat born because of Kate. Anna's 'created' via In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) - meaning she has the exact same genes as Kate. The minute she's born, she brought to another operation in order to save her sister.

Now that Anna's 13, Kate's condition has worsened over the years. She's got kidney failure and requires immediate transplant. Over the years, her parents have never once asked Anna if she's a willing party to donate her organs, in fact, she felt used her entire life. But she loves her family. Very contridicting. So she decides that she wants to sue her parents for the use of her body. So far, there's where I stopped. Half way through the book.

Each chapter of the book is named after the characters. Meaning, it describes the actions and emotions of the particular character. I like how its written. It gives you perspectives of everyone involved, gives you a feel of what it is like to be in each individual's shoes.

Actually, I do know the ending already. My friend told me. But I just want to read and see how exactly good it is.

I like it...

Monday, March 3, 2008 - Brotherhood is Priceless

I'm watching a show online as I'm writing this blog - Revolving Doors of Vengeance.

It's the typical story of rich man with spoilt sons and a huge family business. The attraction of this show is, 3 selfish brothers can turn into self-less individuals, and build up their brotherhood from scratch and their family business. I like such heart-warming drama. It shows the kind of siblings love in a family. In fact, I really wonder, does it really exists, especially in a rich family.

I wonder if my brothers and I will be fighting in a law suit in future for our parent's inheritance. But I hope not. I've always repeatedly tell my parents, be fair and state it in their will. It saves me alot of trouble. Money is never worth it. Brotherhood is more important.Till now I'm only half way through the show. But, its been good so far. I'm hooked. As usual.
--
At work today, bored - is a norm.

I went for an interview for the position of Junior Secretary. I'm not sure what prompted me to try out for that. I guess I've been rather lost and wondering what I can and what I should do. So I wanted to try out all kinds of interview, and just go for whichever I'm comfortable with.

In the past, I always wanted to climb the corporate ladder. But now, I'm kinda out of gas. Besides, at the end of the day, so what if I'm right at the top but I'm not happy. So now, I guess, which ever job pays me well enough, and gives me the most job satisfaction, I'd stay with it. Afterall, being happy is most important isn't it.
--
I've taken the first step to doing sales. I told my manager to start training me for sales from tomorrow onwards. Somehow my gut tells me I will be stuck here for some time. So I might as well embrace new job and challenges. Ey, I've grown up leh...ha...

I just hope that this new thing will uncover the unknown strengths in me. Moving towards the new future.....cheers!
--
I had a nightmare last night. A horrible 1. I dreamt about wei, he passed away suddenly. Its all a blur. All I could remember was I was hysterical and everyone was crowding around me. I was crying painfully and fainted. That's when I woke. I was so darn sad. It affected my mood totally for today. But, lucky its just a dream.

that's all for now...ciaoz....

Thursday, February 28, 2008 - news...reads...

im kinda free at work today..

so it kinda made me wanna do this blog..

now - reading news on channel news asia, an everyday routine as i hate reading it on newspapers, too chunky...

i came across my friend's blog entry, talking about recession in the US and something that a minister said. - i agree with her.the recession will happen, the world is too intertwined all thanks to globalization.

now everything that happens has a dominoes effect. time to tighten your pockets and brave the storm. everyone faces different effects.

inflation...making things more expensive and some 3rd world countries are starving due to the increasing prices of food.

everything is getting more expensive and no way where the poor can afford. the poor just gets poorer.

enough of that...

about my other reads will be a storybook that I'm currently reading - The Red Dahlia by .

Its re-written and originates from the murder case many years back - The Black Dahlia.

Now halfway through it, not too bad thou...

This story's about a girl found mutilated, a copycat murder case back in the 40s, The Black Dahlia. The case was never solved.

The murderer leaves no traces of evidence, and instead sends anonymous letters with cut-out letters from magazines and newspapers to challenge the authorities.

I kinda like the storyline - murder, mutilated corpse, the every description of investigation and emotions of every character.

Thats the kind of genre I read most of the time.I also recently got 2 books - My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult & 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. I can't wait to start reading these books.....

so much for now....

...swayed....

office has been quite volcanic lately..

the sales duo (my manager and myself) are struggling with the work, while the boss always go MIA. what good assistance is he providing...

as matter of fact, whether he's here or not, its not important. ha. all complains, clients, rejection cases will be passed to us to handle. he just needs to come and sign our paycheques monthly will do.

anyway, i went for interview 2 days back. im hitting the nails and i guess tonnes more are coming. . .

the interviewers asked - can you write? are you creative? - what kind of answers do they expect? i wont possibly say no nor will i say excellent. ha. but it did pop me a huge question mark - can i do it?

im filled with question marks myself. what kind of a marketer will i be? now its rather tough to get a marketing job, so, im trying my luck elsewhere instead. now, im looking for what interests me & i'd take it. afterall, we need to be enjoying the work to get work done. life's tough, why make things tougher for myself.

so since im still in a job, i'd take 1 step at a time...

one of our friends went for their wedding photo shoots at sentosa on the day i went for interview..and i tagged along after that. took pictures of sunset on my hp, haven had time to load it. will do that soon together with the BBK pics. it was darn relaxing..got a beer at KM8, watching sunset and chatting with wei & another friend.

Life's good......

in need of a new starting point

im desperately looking for job..

i've got an interview this thursday evening. but this coy doesnt look like the kind i like. more of an education and training industry. kinda boring. but as long as i get the exposure to marketing, why not. its not too bad also.

i finally realised why he refuses to confirm me. cuz once he does that, he needs to include me in the bonus payout this month-end. thats why he's dragging it. disgustingly sickening right? i got to only know about this today. and i finally made it very clear to my manager, i will not sign any confirmation letter if it finally appears.

and now, he's trying to lure a new girl in my coy in another dept to join the sales and marketing team. according to my manager, he stopped her from elaborating about turnover rate here, and refused to tell her the mission-impossible sales quota here. LIAR..i have a liar as a boss.

worse still, he tried to pain a beautiful picture of the sales team. so gross to even think of it as beautiful. maybe its a pile of beautiful shit she needs to face when she's here. saying we all will provide her with the existing leads pipeline. awwww...hope she wont be that stupid to agree without talking to my manager.

im hoping that this thursday's interview will be the start of all other interviews. gimme more interviews! ha..im going crazy here while pinning for 6pm and thinking about new job every single minute.

other than work, everything else's fine and normal. happy with how things are going with my family and love life of course. just worried about the U postings that will be out i think in april. hopefully they/he will give me a good birthday present. i just need a better job with good prospects.

time for a change

its dreadful to come work today...

back in this boring place, clearing the emails..

i sent a couple of resumes yesterday, hopefully i get some replies soon..

its so administrative and routine, i think i can do things with my eyes closed. its fucking boring!

making hotel reservations, be a human answering machine all day long, receptionist work..to hell with it..

i'm having a real strong urge to tender. i find this job a real waste of time. i hate to waste time.

marketing coordinator, which part of it is marketing?!

the most turn-off thing is, last week before i left for BBK, that boss came to me and ask about leads. he's restrictive in doing advertisements in the higher-end newspapers (such as straits times), don't even want to give a try in executive magazines, saying its too expensive (where its just less than $3K) - tell me - where the hell will leads drop from?

kept talking to me about cost. i jolly well understand the theory - ROI. the coy has no identity, no identification of where our fucking clients are, nothing. 2 poor girls in the sales and marketing team are stuck in a haystack. arghhh! i had enough of this.

may my prayers be heard...

back from my CNY trip - Bangkok

its a darn tiring trip..

but can't really make out whether its fun or not..ha..kinda complicated & mixed feelings..

i guess it would've been a better trip if its just us, my family..

firstly, my dad is a man filled with responsibility & concern for others...but sometimes he kinda over-do it, and make people hard to appreciate his doings.

good intention, bad execution. i sort of flare up at him a couple of times the past few days, unintentionally..so now im quite feeling guilty..ha..probably im too tired...i'd make it up to him..

another thing is, mum, full of complains, think i inherited some of it from her..haha...donno if its good or bad..

but on the whole, its time spent with everyone, except for my brother who didnt go cuz of exams..

we bought a whole lot of things, took lotsa face-tired pictures..ha..so damn ugly with the eye bags & dark circles..we all lack sleep...

during these few days, i missed him damn alot..got tngs for almost everyone ard me, hopefully i didnt forget anyone. ha.

dad spoke to me about marriage yesterday, the topic i hated most. but he meant well, but i dont feel comfortable about it.

well, i kinda like my life now, so i don't see the point in talking about this now. besides, my love-life future is still stuck in a black tunnel. its not something i would want to think about. its too frustrating, i rather avoid it.

he's been trying to talk to me about this for a long time, i just simply brush it off by talking about something else. arghhh! i know he's got plans for us, but i just hope that they could put down their worries abit and start enjoying life now that they're healthy. thats the only wish i have for them, to stay healthy and enjoy life & be happy every single second.

its during this trip that i finally realised, we've all grown, i've grown older, they've also grown older and have new worries and hopes.

now that im back from this trip, i just hope to start everything all over again. get a new job, build a new relationship with the family. its time to let them understand what we kids hope for them. it seems to me, they only have worries and nothing else. its time they look at things in a different light.

i'd get the pictures out in another few days, let me have my piece of rest first, so darn tired. ha..gotta work tomorrow, damn sian..V day's coming, wonder if we're celebrating....

anyways, have a prosperous & happy new life this new year! muacks!

eating mud?

back in office after the interview, nothing much, the coy is in a agriculture industry. i don't think i wanna talk to fertilizers. besides, its at habourfront. gosh.

no mood to work, feeling very tired, still coughing and flu-ing..and the aircon is friggin' cold..

came across this article in Yahoo - Poor Haitians Resort to Eating Dirt

Quite sad thou, imagine eating dirt for 3 meals a day. and your baby drinks the mum's milk. its all a result of increasing food prices. they can't afford it. so sad right. yet here i am wasting food everyday. the food we considered distasteful is delicacy to them.

how many a times we throw food without even thinking? well, i do that so frequently, i consider myself a sinner. I'd probably try reducing it lor..I'd try hard..

cannot imagine myself living in Haiti and suffering the lack of food. so poor thing, but that's the ugly side of life man..wonder if there'd be a good Samaritan to do some donation to them..

hmm...back to slog....

a new round of jobhunt

im hunting again! for jobs..

i was sick for 4 days now..today the 5th..

i was feeling fine this am, cuz i had a long break, friday & monday mc..

then came a call - a foreigner - i realised i had enough..

i sent in my resume for a job vacancy i saw in jobstreet yesterday. and this am, i got a call for interview with the agent. so im going tomorrow morning before i report to work. i only sent 1, not expecting any calls so soon, nor even getting considered cuz of my experience.

apparently they are willing to pay UPTO $3k for fresh grads, think there must be alot of goers..gotta keep my fingers crossed & pray hard.

good luck esther!

doubts, doubts and more doubts..

well, mood hasn't been too good for the past 2 weeks..but i don't really know the reason.

until today, i spoke to Ger about something, and i realized what's wrong.

i think probably this year is about to be 6th year for both of us. so i'm starting to get very doubtful of our future. and i'm getting tired.

all these years, its a step-by-step relationship, its leading nowhere, and just becoming, every other day, a routine. kinda like, "mum i'm home."; "mum i'm going out" kind of relationship. probably age has gotten into me, ha..old already..but now i find that having some kind of commitment or assurance will give me confidence in our future. just a simple assurance.

guess she's kinda right, he doesn't know where things would lead. that's why he wouldn't dare commit. how long do i have to wait for that? i wouldn't want to press him, its pointless. like a forced-marriage. so, i can only tell myself repeatedly - "let it be". can I really do that?

what do we really want from this relationship?

could it be that the love & passion has already disappeared without either of us knowing? is the habitual companionship and many moments of memories the reason why we're still together?

~sigh~

another week passed...

i've got wedding to attend tonight...my cousin's wedding. i've only seen her less than 5 times in my entire 22 years..omg...im so dreading it..

but at least i finished watching Golden Path today, its a fantastic show manz..li nan xing's a talented actor..the way he acted in this show is really impressive, so is tay ping hui..its a damn sad show..i cried so much..the show hit my weakest link..even till now i feel the sadness..thats me..

now im going to spend the rest of the day watching shows, shows and more shows...ha...my enjoyment..and at night..haiz...some dreadful dinner...just cant wait to find a way to escape later and go out thou there's nowhere really exciting to go thou...

ever since graduation, i feel so darn bored...i really wanna get a course but $$$ its never enough...think i gotta wait till i've saved back my degree $...

something at work this week really bugged me..

sometime last year my coy sent some foreign workers my coy sent over are now suffering cuz' of the agents at australia. we have our australian agent who were supposed to get these workers job, instead this agent sent their resume to a 3rd party agent to get them a job...the fees naturally went up..

and now these workers are working double cuz the company supposedly paid them AU$30 a day, but in actual fact, they only got about AU$17-19/day..the agents are getting half of what is 'paid' to the workers. so the coy expected them to work extra and do things that were not in their specialization. as a result the agents commanded us to contact these workers to buck up else they'd be sent back to their homeland..what's worse is, as long as these workers are working for that coy, the agents get paid..

after my mgr contacted these workers, one of them actually cried over the phone (kinda heartbreaking). complained that they were not paid that much, and they got scolded everyday for not doing their work properly..the fact is these australians employers did not give them a chance to explain themselves.

all these happened as a result of the agent's incompetency, hence increasing the cost..but these costs are born by the workers..its rather pitiful, they've already paid over 10K in SG to get there in hope of earning more..but it turns out worse..besides that, i believe there must be some kinda racistism treatment..they're black-skinned..how sad..

i seriously think they'd be better off here..the agents never once blamed themselves, thinking they're right. but its not fair to these workers, what they were tested here in SG before going and what they are doing now are both different things, of different specialization. its just not right..

so sometimes, i really donno whether to pity them or dislike them..they're sometimes really irritating..now they don't really have a choice, they already paid so much to get there...they cannot afford to get sent back..hmmm....

something i learnt in this job - im so much more fortunate than them. i cherish what i have now more than ever..at least i don't have to suffer the pain of leaving my family behind..also, its always good to treat people equally regardless their status, color and race....

well...thats all folks....

yoga...sleep......

both pris & i excitedly went for our first long-pinned yoga class..its damn good for sleeping manz...bet pris will agree...i almost fell asleep towards the end of the class where they asked the classed to lie down n just BREATHE & RELAX..

its fun thou, the stretching n all..but i wont be attending class today..having very bad menstrual cramps this month...its the 2nd day and still hurt like hell...panadol extra wont even help...but cannot take mc...no one else is assisting my manager...

i think im getting my confirmation this month..according to my manager, boss is reviewing my package..let's see how it goes...quite eager to get it asap...

i wonder what's gonna happen to me if my manager left...she's warned me that she's looking for job, and once she gets it, she'd leave...she's just being fair to me by informing me 1st..she's a very nice lady...just too bad that this boss doesn't work on staff welfare & he doesn't listen..haiz....

now, all i pin for is the new package and my holiday this coming CNY....still unsure of the problematic brother is going...he's got exams the very next day we arrive in SG..poor chap...

thats all for now.....back to work....

1 JAN 2008..finally....

i spent my last minutes of 2007 and first hour of 2008 at home with wei watching the stupid countdown show..and..after that, he left n i went off to bed...

and on this first day of 2008, i went for breakfast with my parents and went for a haircut..

just completed my 2nd season of supernatural..its better than the first..im a drama series freak...

this year, pris and i are finally going to go for our yoga classes! starting tomorrow for 20 lessons weekly..at least something we both can do together as classmates again...ha...hope its fun..but guess i'd have a very hard time stretching..bones n nerves are all stiff after not working out for like years...

work....hope to get a better 1 with a better pay and more marketing exposure..every job is a pile of shit waiting for you to clear, its just how worthy that pile of shit is worth you putting in your efforts....

the current one is piling me with a 1-man show everyday with a 4 person work load to do..its a hell lot of things..and no one is bothering to help..yet the boss is saying im not doing enough..its never enough to bosses... ~duh~

anyways, plans will be made after CNY...after my holiday with my family...im real looking forward to that one..too bad wei cant b with us..

January is a long month...4 working weeks..gosh...lets hope things gets better and im heading timbre this friday! cant wait....

happy new year to all...smooth sailing for the next 365 days....