..cast in stone..

Confirm already...leaving in mid or end September.

I repeatedly ask myself, 'How do I feel?' I don't know. But I cried last night at the thought of September.

I bought P.S I Love You 3 weeks back from the Times GSS sale. I so regretted reading it yesterday. Throughout the MRT ride to work and home, I was controlling my tears. Scratch my bare wounds with my hands. Serves me right.

Its sad.

But there's a quote in the book that really caught my eye and its been repeating itself in my empty brain.

"Grieving is part of helping yourself"

So far, only my bro has told me to cry all I want as there's no point in holding it back. And he encouraged me to talk to mum and cry out as long as I can. He reckon that I'd feel alot better.

I've decided to follow that quote, except I'm not grieving, until I think I had enough. I'm also planning for a short trip, regardless whether its approved by my boss or not, after he leaves. So far, I think that is the thought i agree with most in terms of getting myself up.

I will go on a short trip, even a Bangkok trip is good. Shop my heart out. I need company thou, any volunteers? But pay yourself la!

I really wonder how he is going to handle it there. It will be so...lonely, so independent. This is the 1 time where he needs comfort, but I cannot give him any. Cause I need alot of that myself too. Given a choice, I will really wanna join him. But, the time is not right.

IF, if only I hadn't taken my degree 2 years back, I would be able to join him. But, its just plain talk. Its too late for reverse gear.

To god, let days ahead be peaceful and smooth for both of us...
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Apart from that, work...
Never been good. Sickeningly shitty. But, I'd hang on here till I'm more emotionally ready. When I'm back to normal. Then plan when the time comes. But the colleagues are nice. Fun. Just the work is, boring. No kidding.

Tomorrow will be my 1st month there. But, its boring the shit outta me. A lot of mess to clear.
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Fun.
Never had that for sometime except my weekends with him. Meeting the Nafta girls tomorrow. Finally. Hope it will be a good one.
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Bottomline: I hate my life now.