Happy Birthday Dad!

it was dad's birthday yesterday, but we celebrated on saturday with my uncles n families...

dad was so touched when all of us sang him birthday song that he almost shed tears..when people get older, they get more emotional...

he's 50 yrs old this year...wish him health & happiness...think he liked the seiko watch we got him, its nice leh....ha....tempted to get 1 for myself too..

now at work, woke up with migraine...plus the monday blues...omg...but at least i've got a facial booking this evening...something to look forward to...

my colleagues are leaving this company, think once 2008 arrives...and the sales team will be down to just 2 person, me and another asst manager...and she's gonna leave too...

seems like my luck at getting a job is not that good...haiz....everyone's planning to leave..including myself, my plans are after CNY...handling blanga & indians everyday, trying to decipher their language is really a pain and it makes u lose your patience after 2-3 calls..

its so obvious that the sales team has lost its fighting spirit and yet the boss is not making any efforts to bring it up...i wonder what plans he has if all leaves...there's simply no direction..haiz..

2008 please bring everyone better luck....

yet another funeral...

my uncle passed...another funeral to attend....its the 4th funeral since October. what a cursed year...he passed on tues late night...and i only knew on wed evening..mum & i will be going to his wake tonight...to pay our last respects..

its a relieve for him thou, he suffered from brain & kidney cancer, went through ops..imagine the pain he went through...so, now his pain ended...good for him...rest in peace...

finally some good news, MY MAID IS HERE! Hurray! heard of the news yesterday evening and lighten me up alittle bit..

it means i can have more facials & going out....hehe..

and its dad's birthday this coming sat. bros & i got him a seiko watch, damn nice..i got the urge to keep it for myself...hope he likes it thou...its the 1st time in my 22 yrs that i have him such an exp gift..but its worth it thou...

its finally friday again.....then i'd have 2 days off the irritants... ~sigh of relieve~
somehow in this office, the sales team is not motivated and all suffering from low morale..not just 1, but ALL of them...but the boss is not doing anything to salvage the problem, instead, kept pressing them for sales amd more sales...poor sales people..good thing i nv agreed to joining them as sales consultants...

im thinking of a new haircut, im so damn sick of my hair...botak is not an option, i'd get ditch & sacked i guess..haha..but its rather interesting, i quite like it. i regretted not going with yogesh to the dove brest cancer campaign months back...u're asked to shave your head...cool right..

shouting for maid...salvage my social life.....

another week passed.. ~gosh~ its darn hectic and I NEED A MAID!

i seriously FAIL darn badly as a housemaker..doing ironing for just 1-2 hours is enough to drive me nuts. just ironing n ironing...omg..think i'd fall into depression if i had to do it 7 days a week..

my social life's in a mess...the last time i met sarah n gang was like...1 month ago? at timbre..

the last time i met my primary school friends was like...in april during my birthday...

the last time i met my wife (cindy) was like.....i seriously can't remember..

at least i met my poly friends just 2-3 weeks ago...we're gonna meet up soon when Joe comes back..

so my end of year resolution, get my social life back in order when the maid comes..

please people, lets just meet up k....i miss u all....

i've somehow found out the fact, somehow lost in me after i've been with him for so long, that, i fucking need to catch up with my friends! not meeting in like months? thats seriously not the way..no wonder my social life's in a big mess..everyone's all over the place...

work's been as busy, frustrating..but at least i got a job..i just got to know that..my company doesn't pay out 13th month, and variable bonus.....is really a VARIABLE....which means if my boss decides to declare that the coy is not earning enough, then...im paid monthly without the motivational big B - BONUS

he wants us to work late - but don get the building maintenance to have the aircon on till late.

he's planning to get us to work on weekends (and i mean 7 days a week) - but don get extra pay & no aircon, no windows ventilation..

and still the company doesn't earn...ridiculous....doesn't he understand the meaning of EFFICIENCY?

anyways, i've got plans next yr after CNY...c how it goes...*fingers crossed*

and to my dearie...if he reads this... - im not forcing you to do anything, its all your decision eventually..whatever the decision, i still do love u... (mushy right!) but bear with it buddies..

somehow, we cant talk properly face to face...typing it out is always easier way to express...that explains why sarah voted in superlatives in facebook - "text until they can text no more" - she's observant ya..ha...

time to crash - shag fm the sweeping n mopping..omg...

Quote of the day - "Speaking as a simple woman, i yearn for love & happiness"

love..deaths...funerals - screw 2007

finally december...then x'mas then new year..hurray..screw 2007...

its been a lousy year...so many deaths around me...

just attended a funeral yesterday, my dad's mentor, my grandpa's ex-worker's son..41 yrs old...quite a sad background..heard that dad's mentor (the deceased's dad) has a wife who's rather pretty but mental...and his son (the deceased) fell during his NS days, injured his head and became a retard..after being a retard for 20 over years, the old injury came back and claimed his life...and there goes, 'pop' and nothing's left...

that's life people...

previously, think during the 3rd week in november, my mum's neighbour's husband died suddenly in Malaysia, heart attack..a few seconds..'pop' and gone..he left behind 1 daughter about 12 yrs, 1 son of i think only 4 yrs old, and another new born...and a mother & wife..

again, that's life...poor thing right..that's why, SCREW 2007...

and today...im gonna talk about triangle love relationship..sad to say, such things happen in this world..no offence to anyone, no finger-pointing or whatsoever..just a thot..

A has a gf B, and A also has a gf C who's a 3rd party..

put yourself in the shoe of B..how would you feel if you found out that your loved 1 is loving someone else at the same time? You're not the only 1 that you think you are in his life, the unique, special girl/boy..it sucks isn't it...well, it really sucks when B treats A like diamond and gives her all in that relationship...but, if B is a self-centered notorious woman..then well, its fine then....B deserves it then..

then, put yourself in the shoe of C, the 3rd party..some may feel that she's pitiful and has to carry this 'underground' relationship..but, why in the 1st place do you want to fall into this silly trap? knowing that the nail on the wall will hurt you when u knock against it, y don't you avoid it and find a better wall..probably a cushioned-wall like wat woodbridge has...

Will anyone holding the character of C ever put herself in the shoes of B? you're all of the same sex..taking for instance now that, its a BGR...both B & C are all women who in someway yearn for a man's only love..so how painful would it be to know that...its now being shared...

i donno about the others, but i wont be able to take it if i know that my man's a 'shared man'..i'd be more than in a hurry to ditch him, cry and carry the pain n move on till i heal..no one shares my man..not in any lifetime..

lastly A, would a genuine good man want to hurt his so-called 'only love'? is there such thing as 'only love' in a man's mental dictionary? its subjective...my conclusion on this is, if a man has a good, giving gf, he/she jolly well appreciates him/her n love with all their might...its hard to come by..don only cherish him/her when you lose it..its pointless n always too late..

its a subjective thot, so its just pure mine with no discrimination...love is such a...pain in the ass, but yet ppl revolve ard it..again..thats life..

hmm...i just wish that such drama won't ever happen in any of my life..cuz if it does, its the end of my trust in love that i built up these years..it'd be all gone n forever gone..my life's too revolved ard him..tooo much..its like a london bridge, if it breaks, it takes years and years of building before it all goes back to norm..but norm will never be the norm like before...people change..

just days ago, i was talking to my youngest brother, he told me, stop revolving my life so much ard him...

easier said than done...my small grps of friends have their own clicks n dates...and its hard that we meet...and seriously, i don trust ppl outside my circle..its hard to meet new people..but, i do haf this feeling that..somehow, subconsciously, i do feel that a small portion of me is drawing out, to protect myself..its so unpredictable that i think i want to protect myself, reduce the aftermath..

after this long write, im gonna watch heroes season 2...its god-damning nice! and if anyone comes across a school that offers professional certificate in copywriting, please email me..

sleep's the best medicine..

i finally got to have a peaceful, dreamless sleep last night...its been 2 nights since i had a smooth-sailing sleep..im sooo tired..

housework's been managable but..im still not used to it..my left palm swell last night after doing it...glad its ok now...else...ha...will look like pork's knuckle..just not happy that 1 of my bros is not doing his work..and complaining the most..and the best thing is mum doesn't scold him at all! he's got 3 slaves serving him now and yet his msn nick was "life without a maid, might as well kill me". isn't he family too? im gonna take my eyes off him from now onwards and do my own part...make myself happier...

i got really upset yesterday, but..im fine after a night's sleep. i was really determined to have a deep, relaxing sleep to calm my nerves....its really hard for me to sleep know! but luckily i manage to, else i'd be fuming in my bed. haha..now, im fine..n over it...all i need is sleep..

work's the same......just looking forward to weekend's Sitex @ expo! wei n i are going...im going to get a digicam if its value for money, and he'd get a lappy...

he's going ord this friday, 30th...guess he'd be the happiest person on friday...2 yrs of torturing by them...

im wearing my new armani specs...got it at a discount..haha....feels good to be wearing sth new..haha....thats me...gotta go back to work now............................................

maid-less days....

im at work now...feeling lazy to do anything....

im maid-less now..gosh....tonnes of work at office and now, housework...my nightmare....its tiring to go back n have to climb up and down the stairs to clean everywhere. tear me apart now! quick!

for the past week, work's been hectic, but fine..did advertisements n stuff..kinda alright thou. my coy's very budget, so they have to bear with a 3rd class designer like me. haha...but then again, i found out this imaging software, Paint.net, freeware. acts as a good photoshop lookalike. its quite user-friendly thou, so anyone interested with it, can try it out. they even have forum to teach you how to do certain image editing, and lets u install plugins. quite fun thou...

for some reason, my youngest bro cried for no reason and got the whole house worried..i called him and he just simply cried over the phone...god, it broke my heart...and tears just lost control..its lousy to let lyana and joe see that... *blush*

and another thing, wei picked up 4 kittens yesterday afternoon....god they're cute...they're all strays...poor thing right...so he picked me up last night and brought the kittens along...i was really frightened at first when i saw them trying to crawl out of the basket...ha, i've never seen one so upclose and personal and they look so....tiny..but i just got used to them while on the way home in the car.

we then fed them at the playground near my house....so adorable....but darn noisy lor! im still not sure if he's going to put them at spca....but i got to know from joe n lyana that they will put it to sleep if no one claims them after 2 weeks....so inhumane...

so since they'd eventually put it to sleep, then wat exactly is spca for? anyone can put them to sleep? why do you even need an organisation to kill these animals? contridicting..its pointless then...imagine these kittens, new born, are being put to sleep 2 weeks after he leaves them there....haiz..i rather he not pick them up at all. its just like saving them and get them killed by sending them to spca if they don't get adopted...

hmmm....hope to see those kittens again..ha...noisy but adorable to see them trying to crawl around you and licking milk off your palm..

thats all for now, gotta get back to slogging.....

graduation
graduation is finally over....tiring man

it was fun when we all helped each other with the gowns..it was a very long ceremony..so tiring to sit there....

im glad yogesh came back, and all 4 of us are gathered together again...

im glad wei came to the ceremony....

im glad we got to take a pic with krishna..

before the graduation i was rather worried about the outcome of my degree...i got 2nd lower..so ok lar...ha..im not the study type....good enough already..overall, im glad its all over....we're going to have dinner with yogesh tonight...he's going back on tuesday..so fast..everyone's embarking on their career after graduation....and wonder when is the next time we'd see him...but i believe pris, sarah & i will still make it a point to catch up every now and then, and not forgetting jo & krishna of course...

past week
for the past week, i've been out almost every night..meet wei...and pris & yogesh to collect our gowns.

i've been reading stephine meyer's books....she's an author of children books...haha..but, its interesting..after reading her stories, i relate myself to the main character of the book, Bella. how she was torn apart from her loved one and how she struggle to make herself stronger by leaning on her friend..she's almost like a walking dead, with no soul in her..just living for the sake of living until edward came back to her. she was so afraid of him leaving her again that the trust was lost in some ways.

would i be like this if he leaves me? i guess i would...being a living dead for a real long time i guess...he'd be away for 10 days in dec..think its a good time to live without him...experience what its like...prepare myself for the worst...ha..silly right..this month is his ord month..fast...

im just wondering over and over again, would we really see rainbow ever again like we saw 1 on friday evening? it was beautiful..and we both started taking pictures in the car...

you know its really a long journey for us, and none of us could commit to what would happen in the future...none of us dares to...this makes me feel like this relationship is just going on without an outcome...im prepared to just wait for something to happen..

but during this wait, i might just start to draw myself out of this whole thing to protect myself...its a defensive nature in me...i comes naturally...

i just have to sit and wait for something to happen..

work
its damn admin...sickening....85% is admin and the remaining marketing..but there's been changes in my job scope..now they want me to do job hunt for our clients and will be paid commission..moving on, i might need to do sales for them in the immigration portion..but i hate sales....working with women is horrendous..their temperaments when they get stress up is intolerable..am i like this? its irritating...i cant stand it....im not goingto let this be me..

im still not quite used to working with women..u never know whats in their agenda..i wonder how long would i be here...but i definitely wont leave without a job..afterall this coy is not intolerable..

i've got a pimple on my chin...its so big!! how to take pictures on sat?? not pretty already..coming sat's the graduation..haha...i've gotten the white long sleeves shirt and black pants for the occasion..

i felt most touch when wei told me not to worry abt the parking fees this coming sat, we're going to be there the whole day man..its going to be ex....he said he'd pay and he wants to attend the graduation so he can take lots of pictures for me..."just go for the graduation can already". its a small issue, but its what he says that makes me feel most touched...how he'd go miles to get things done for me and people around me....i told him he may need to pick pris n yogesh (if andy is not going to do that) he also say no problem..haha...

deep down i thot to myself, i'd be most happy to attend his graduation too....thats if it overcomes the other "ifs"...

yogesh is coming back, im looking forward to having the 4 of us at the mac again..haha..its been a long time since all of us went there....

anyways, i've gotten a new hp...nokia e61i..haha..its huge, but the reason why i got this hp is cuz its got WIFI and wei is using it..haha..so now im officially broke...luckily last mth's pay came in..but gotta tighten my pockets for awhile...

i've also booked air tickets for chinese new year...with my family..there's no point in us spending it here..not much relatives anyways..but, the bad side is, i cant spend with with wei..again..we haven spent new year together for 2 years...but i do look forward to it....its been sometime since i went for a holiday..

its monday tomorrow, this week's a 4 day work week.....think im going for a suntan on thurs....ha..and im trying very hard to get the pimple removed.....hmmmm...how??

graduation letter is here!

its going to be on the 10th November, a Saturday @ Suntec Convention Hall....hohoho!!

all of us waited 2 years for this...and its going to come soon...! i just emailed yogesh, to inform him, cuz i doubt he can receive the letter since he's in India....he better come back n be with NAFTA for this joyous occasion man! we went thru the thick and thin of exams...we gotta go through this together too!

and krishna's gonna be there..ha..we can all take loads of pictures in our gowns..i'd need a make up artist that day...haha..i wanna look good in this memorable occasion...any volunteers?

im going to bring wei and my wife with me..wonder if she's free...they charge 42/pax for the high tea....im gonna make sure they eat loads of the food..haha....so expensive...!

my parents can't be there with me, so i'd probably ask the photography studio how much they charge for phototaking...want to have 1 with my parents...

they use to think i can never study, always comparing me to others...but, i've come this far...as the saying goes, the winner gets the last laugh...its true! i've done myself proud..hohoho!! just can't help being so cocky...but thats me...

so much for today....damn shack...........tomorrow's FRIDAY! my fave day of the week....haha.....

my long time worry....

just came home from dinner with him..i requested that we do it alone..without 'neon lights' - the term i use when i talk to cindy (my wife)..haha..

feeling fresh after a day's work, i just wanna get some thots out....so im blogging n playing with facebook at the same time..i like to multi-task..

he's going to ord soon..i've told you guys about it before..

the nearer it is to that day, the more stressed i am over this relationship..im probably worrying too much, but, put yourselves in my shoes, how can i not worry? teach me if u can..

his dad wants him to go overseas if he can't get into SMU...logically speaking, if he can't get into local U, and have to study in SIM, its darn stupid..he can afford to go overseas for the exposure...

ending it is the last thing i want to do..i rather die..im not strong enough, really....but, i kept telling myself, for his good, its better that he goes...and i totally agree...but not the part where we have to be seperated by continents...i've said it before, if he goes, we don exist...

i've been preparing myself for this for a long time, in case he goes..but....im never prepared..how to be when i see him every week, i sms him everyday...i can't bring myself to imagine the emptiness i'd feel if he left..i guess he wont get used to it too...my bugging..haha...

i have a pair of pillars i hang on to...my wife n him..if i suddenly lose one...and the one i lead towards most of the time, i'd probably fall...my bor, if you see this, u gotta hold on to me man..else i'd really drown in quicksand..

i maybe strong in some ways, but to have him away, i donno where my source of fuel will come from..i'd need to starve 1st and find a new source...if he leaves, i'd probably only seem him once every 6 mths..omg! its not gonna work...i don believe in maintaining distant relationship..

sometimes im rather impressed with his brother and his girlfriend...one's in UK and the other here..she'd only get to see him every 6 mths...for a period of 4 year i think...and its been about i think 2 years now...they still exist...

so i repeatedly ask myself: can this relationship withstand this test? i'd never know...the only thing my conscious mind tells me is - spend more time together...as much as we can..u never know how much time we're really left with, Together..

i'd not blame him for leaving..he's not wrong..im selfish for wanting him to stay, its my wrong if i do that..so i only wish..i hope...i pray..gods don help bad people right? maybe i'd be the exception? *grinz*

i just need to spit out this thot i have since last night..it bugged me the whole night till my swollen eyes finally feel tired...and today, it 'blued' my day...whatever happens, i know i have my frens, the readers of this blog to support me, tahan my bugging, crying, emo-ing for some time? after all its a 5 yr devotion....cant possible get over in 1 mth rite...ha..

but 1 good story to share for today ---
my mgr told me that my big boss, actually thought quite highly of my capabilities....ha...he's always having a stern face like everyone owe him $..so im quite glad that behind that face, he tnks this way..im proud of myself...i always think i have strengths that are undiscovered yet, and im keen on getting them all out....i don even know myself too well..

i'd dig it out.....someday....the answer to everything will come when its time......

rest in peace, chubby

it was yet another shocking news....

darling's dog passed yesterday..and his kind maid, buried him in the garden.

i learnt the news this am, in the office and was controlling my tears all the while. its the 2nd death in a month, what kind of luck..i thought only good things come in pairs..

its depressing..he didn't get to see the dog for 1 last time..nor do the burial personally..

i know chubby 5 years back, when wei & i started dating..he's always trying to get out of the house when anyone goes out..i can never forget how he loves to come to us when we're eating..he's always hungry..just about 2 weeks before my grandma died, chubby was admitted to hospital as he cant walk suddenly. we initially thought he was injured by a car, but xray results wasn't like that.

looking at it from the good side, chubby already lost his both legs, he can't walk..and doctors couldn't find out what is wrong with him..likely to be cancer...once you try to carry him, he'd bite...he's a dog that doesn't bite at all..it must be really painful to touch him..

now that he's dead, he's free to wander around like before and return home when he's tired. he wont be deprived of his daily activity anymore..good for him..i just pray for him to be happy in the other world &....we'd all miss him..

another sunday afternoon..

i pinned for weekend to come the whole of last week..

work was as usual, boring..but im telling myself to carry on..i believe something interesting will come 1 day. last friday my boss told me, i'd be getting busy in days to come as they're looking for ways to increase sales...lets hope they have more marketing activities...

today's sunday, and i spend my day watching show..haha..there's this hongkong drama series, Drive of Life. this story is about 3 brothers who worked towards their dream of growing their car business. and 2 of the 3 brothers went to hongkong when they're young, leaving 1 behind to look after their parents.

the eldest fought for his success while in hongkong, while the 1 in their hometown struggled with life. in the end, the son of the rich man liquated the business overnight and they all had to start from scratch again.

that's when you get to see the sibilings lending a helping hand to each other in times of need. bonding themselves together to make their dreams come true. its a story worth watching, thou not everyone is so lucky to get such good family, but it happens in little corners that we don't get to see.

this story is very much focused on family and how they endure and persist to fight for what they want and wished for. its worth watching for the story line thou its a rather long story.

i've been searching for a new hp, i sold my samsung...too problematic..but there seems to be just too many hps out there, i donno which to get. ha..so im tnking of getting wat my darling has, E61i, its big, but im in love with the wifi..best thing is, if i get that, i'd be using the same hp with him..haha...

this relationship is making me growing more dependant on him, is it good or bad? am i falling into the curse 3 years back? when the pillar suddenly left & i was stranded in the middle of the sea for awhile before i picked myself up again. it was a period of demoralisation, made me feel so damn weak.

at many points of time, i find myself thinking, what happens if in the end, we can't work out..is the outcome really important to me? or is it the process of being together now that matters? what if either one of us decides to leave for the better good? that what would this few years mean to us? life would be so darn different, almost like a 360 degrees turn..how would i get through it if it happens? then what have we both been working towards this 5 years? its an aimless relationship, i have no idea where we're heading, all i know is i just want it to exist as long as im alive. does he think likewise? or is it a 1 sided thing?

i know im digging problems for myself..but, sometimes the thought just comes. not once or twice, but almost everytime after meeting him..i dread the feeling of leaving for him..WOMEN..arghh..

Happy Birthday Darling...

this entry is dedicated to Mr Yeo, my darling....he wore the shoes i bought for him...haha..i like it...

This was where we went yesterday for his bday dinner...and we had a whole lot of food, but i only remembered to take the pictures in the middle of our sumptuous meal....

The food we ordered were fantastic, it probably tasted extremely delicious cuz everyone was damn hungry and in good spirits. it was too bad that we couldn't have our own time together on his birthday...donno where our fren's automatic button went. argghhh!

whatever it is, its his happiness that matters. but guys, swordfish collar is really fantastic..but the serving is too big for us girls..unless u got damn elastic stomach..but its delicious..

Happy Birthday dear....hope u had lots of fun thou its just a no-surprise, simple celebration. hope we can celebrate all our birthdays for the rest of our lives together......good luck & love ya!

laze...relax....fret...shoe-dreaming..

im watching show at crunchyroll, drinking tea while writing...im in a lazy mood..

1st week in the job after a few months break, is exceptionally tiring..ha..feel like my bones are giving way...age.....hmmm.. i've been too tired to blog..now is the time...

---work---
the work is rather dry, i get so bored in the afternoons, especially after lunchtime..maybe cuz im still new, so not much work other than admin stuff is passed to me....i should just wait and see...for the money, why not, i'm not at a loss...

my work place is filled with women..omg..i can't bear the tot...last friday i went for lunch with the girls, and their shopping iternary after eating is MAKE-UP...something totally foreign in my life.."which blusher suits me?" - everyone of them looks the same, is there any diff? ha...i feel so 'man' suddenly..

1 thought came to my mind...does my darling feel that way each time i step into a shop to look at clothes and shoes? ha....i kinda felt how general men felt when they go shopping with their girls..poor thing...BUT that doesn't stop me from going shopping whenever we're out dear!

---birthday---
talking about shopping, i bought a pair of shoes for darling (hope he really likes it). it was a birthday present..im cracking my brains to find a place for dinner tomorrow night..its his birthday...every time this year i find a guilt wriggling out of me..

every year, he'd celebrate & surprise me..ha..yet me, i really couldn't think of anything special...im trying hard dear..now im fretting over what the program will be tml...HELP! i just hope he enjoys his day...his happiness is mine too....mushy right..haha...the power of love..

---twilight---
power of love leads to another thing...i've been reading a book, Twilight by Stephine Meyer. the story revolves around a girl named Bella, who fell in love with a vampire Edward...yah, i know its just like a typical old fashion love story. but the way the author writes, makes you mesmerise in this ridiculous story, makes you feel so in love....im loving this story so much...

probably i've been in a relationship for so long, i kinda miss the feeling of falling in love...i miss having butterflies in my stomach, blushing when you see the person....but, it doesn't mean im tired of my current relationship..its a different thing..

but still, i strongly recommend this book...the author uses simple English, and once you read it, you get dragged into their world..we all live in a practical world, so sometimes its nice to be immersed in some fantasy..

---shopping---

i bought a pair of shoes for myself too...!! from pretty fit...its only $33.90! very comfortable too!

i have to say, pretty fit has nice designs now...they have improved alot compared to what they were at first..their bags, shoes, accessories are nice....

i fell for a pair of pig skin shoes too...very comfortable..but its ex....$79.90...im missing it alot..hmmmm..how??!! there's simply too many things i want to buy..there's another pair of shoes that i WILL be getting for myself from Prima Vera..its my favourite shoe shop..their shoes & bags are rather pricy, but its of good quality....HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!

my shoe indulgence is uncontrollable.....i have to work more to earn money to satisfy them..tml's monday...i dread the blues...it always come to me..how can i stop the blues every week? adjusting to the environment is.....tough...i have to work harder on it...bless me..

'A'

project results are FINALLY OUT! i got an A - 70.....thank god for krishna and of course my continuous effots & sleepless nights..

although its only 70, its still an A....thats all i wanted..simple..

today's also my 1st day of work. so far, everything seems ok. friendly people..heard the bosses are also nice..i never believed in nice anymore..its always overrated..i'd find out for myself in time..anyways, notice period is only 24 hours..haha..my probation period is 6 mths..which means unpaid leave & MCs for this period...omg...

but, this job needs to be my stepping stone..i need the experience...this industry is not what i aim for, after all my 'A' project (very hao lian right!!) is focused on automobile industry.thats where i wanna be ultimately..doing corp comms or product marketing for these cars will be my love...especially for lamborghini..haha....

the girl im replacing has been there for 3 years. so should be a good enough to let her stay for 3 years..i want to learn as much as possible within this stay in the coy in order to move on.. its important..its my future...

according to her, should any bosses be unhappy with your performance, they will send an email to you instead of screaming in your face in public...so my impression is that they respect people's pride....hope they don BCC to others...thats very despicable right...

its a female working environment..too many women..goodness! i came from a complete male working environment, and now..all women! from quiet working place to very noisy...this is when i have to pay tribute to technology & the inventors of mp3 players, ear phones & hardisk...haha..

what makes me even happier is, im accessible to msn & skype, provided its not seen by the bosses...so i hereby recommend, messenger live plus application (freeware)...it sets your msn on 'boss mode' by minimizing your msn to a small unrecognizable icon on the tray..hurray!

but the job is rather boring, i almost fell asleep while doing it in the p.m..but, i will persist..it doesnt come easy, like i always say, things happen for a reason...let nature takes it course..and let my persistance bring me to success! this applies to everyone! JIAYOU!

a brand new start

the funeral's finally over....everyone's mood in the family has lighten up greatly....

glad that dad's fine now, although he cried like a mad cow yesterday..i've only seen him this way twice...glad that i don haf to see the aunts i dislike ever again....

today's a good day for clearing up the 'mental mess' in me & start looking forward to my 1st day of work come monday..i really pray everything will be a smooth start towards a marketing career! i wish for no more tyrants in my life ever again!

managed to clear some of the unfinished posts for the past few days..written halfway then got distracted by other thots....ha...my weakness...checked my emails & got busy with facebook..sarah's really active in it....but she's got her reasons to..its actually very interactive..i think you guys should try it out...

to end it off, i pray for a new start.....be happy & i look forward to the coming x'mas! haha..i know its abit early, but its my fave season!

mixed emotions...

i got a pleasant news today - i got a job....again.....ha...

this time i don feel as dreadful as i felt for the previous job. good sign...plus i'd be working in orchard! lol..more money spending as i'd be working in lido! hohoho! just imagine the 'noise' i'd be exposed to EVERYDAY! is that good or bad?

1 more good thing is that i'd be able to lunch with pris! ha...she said her lunch time is flexible, so she'd be able to match mine.....how nice...

anyways, this job although is not an industry that i hope to be in, its worth a try, anyways the notice period is 24 hours..haha..i do hope that this marketing coordinator job will be a route towards marketing...

i should be rejoicing over this new start, but once i think of the funeral, i couldn't bring my mood up. contridicting emotions...
----

tml's the last day of the funeral......sadness is beginning to build up in me...it only started today. since monday, i never shed a single tear for grand. i only felt this sadness when i came across a video taken during chinese new year earlier this year. she was still alive & kicking @ my house, now she's dead. thats when i realised....oh ya...she's dead, tears almost spilled...

for the past few days i was almost angry everyday...probably the hormones working me..but..i was angry for not being in a job, i was angry for the sudden death & the mess at the funeral, the stupid letter that the fucking coy asked me to sign..

but there wasnt a way for me to vent it all out, it got me very frustrated with myself..stupid..even thou i wanted to talk to my darling, i didn't know how to express it...i couldn't find the right words to express..

i guess the shock messed my feelings to the extend, i almost couldn't realise what i was actually feeling. im mad..haha...but after a night of lots of calming myself & sorting my emotions plus a little sleep, i felt better...

---

now i have to deal with what's installed for me tomorrow morning. the wake will start at 11am..thats the last time we'd be with her physically....after tomorrow she'd be history, while i prepare myself for my future come monday....i just hope that my dad can deal with it well....rest in peace & good luck to myself!

fun @ timbre. with our fave lecturer...

after 3 attempts of arranging this outing, it finally happened, but sadly, yogesh wasn't there with us...

it was also sarah's birthday last thurs....hope she likes the gift & my selfish birthday message..haha...

Message to Sarah - no offence honey..

it was great to have krishna, jo & partner with us that night... =) & thanks for sponsoring all of us drinks to krishna & sarah..haha...free drinks with loads of laughter...

i love timbre's super thin crust pizza...but im too broke to have my dinner there...

its also been some time since NAFTA met up....i guess from the 1st time we went to timbre, its going to be a usual hangout for all of us, including krishna...

he mentioned he might be going there again this fri...glad everyone liked this recommendation...

we will all gather frequently like his students (20 over of them!) 10 over years ago who still keep in tough till TODAY! how rare....if 20+ can make it a point, we can too.....

both krishna & sarah asked me to forward them my CV..haha..im deeply grateful...hope with their referrals i'd be able to get a job soon.........................*sigh*

i seriously cant forget krishna's reaction when sarah called him "SIR" over & over again...it was darn funny! haha.....guess she's got a problem with SIR..

as said in the earlier entry, things have to slow down....due to the 'family affair'......

grandma passed.....................

i was still sleeping soundly when i heard dad cried...i jumped out of bed immediately to realise he was sitting on the floor in tears...

"grandma's dead" was the reply....stunned...but no tears came as i wasn't close to her in the first place....but it was heartbreaking to see him cry...

her death came as a shock to all...she fell & passed in her toilet in the middle of the night (cuz of hypertension)...no one realised till my aunt woke...everyone's suffering from the shock...

but it's considered an easy death..at least no operations or long suffering bodily pain...rest in peace...i'd never forget her gold front teeth..too shiny to be forgotten...ha...

its going to be a 5 day funeral...till come friday...guess my jobhunt has to slow down again....when can a job come!? its already october........

i'm not too affected by her death, i don quite like her in the 1st place..who likes to have a "money granny"? (its a long story anywas) money won't mean a thing when u die....now, not a single cent is brought along with her.....

no matter how much i dislike her, a wave of sadness came when i saw her body lying in the toilet @ her house...its sad.....she's after all dead. all grudges should be past like she is.....

every year's Children's Day will be her death anniversary.....

i was supposed to have an interview in the PM, but had to postpone it..things always happen when im suppose to go for interviews...1st i was sick, now this....

things happen for a reason...

"the devil wears prada"

by right i told pris the title of this blog will be "out of this world" if i don remember wrongly...

but, i tot about it, its so much like this movie, the editor, Miranda Priestly. Mr. Tyrant was far worse than her. am i exaggerating? NO!

i tendered today, but only got to be 'commanded' to speak to him. (pointed a finger at me, & signed me to walk over to him) *freaking rotten asshole*

he spoke to me, said that he heard abt my tendering (calling it a miscommunication) with Ms. P & said i was being disrespectful if i don't give this job a try. & if i were to leave without giving it further try, i'd be a loser but if i try, i'd be a winner. (what the heck? devils talk like this?)

since last night, i kept telling myself, whatever happens, no matter how high an amplitude he shouts, i have to keep my calm & maintain a determined eye contact & firm stand on my decision. i did it!

i inisted on leaving, not like he persuaded me at all. giving me a road to choose as thou i was at dead ends. c'mon, the world is round, millions of companies exists. there's no such thing as i can't survive without his offer!

finally, he pointed his fat fingers in my face & said, GO. i replied, GOOD, took my bag & left without another word. he did say loudly to his PA cum HR slave to cancel my contract....

adrenaline rushed through me & a sense of relief set in as i stomped out of that hell..my 2 and a half days trip in hell was over....

------------------------------------END OF MISERY-------------------------------------

this 3 days.....eye opener, strong impact in how i view life, at least, my life..

i've been into a communist company....where only what Mr. Tyrant says is important, the rest, to hell with it...

i cant deny the fact that i do admire the questions he threw at his 'slaves' when he felt it wasn't right. he was quick n sharp.

but being demeaning....not acceptable...thinking that he's almighty....as thou he's all that's left in the world...if he's really Almighty, i'd really stop believing & respecting the existence of Gods...lucky he's not.... *whosh*

my point is, if Mr. Bill Gates don't behave like Mr. Tyrant, what right does it give Mr. Tyrant to abuse his authority? if he doesn't respect people, how do they look up to him? we're all slaves of money, it doesn't hurt abit to make it slightly easier to earn money, with respect & dignity...

respect, dignity & pride makes up the majority of me. i realised the importance of working extra hard when you're young & make a spare boat to fall back on. it leaves u a choice of your own. rather than to be subjected to humilation & 'blackmail'.

these memories will be left in my mind for a long time to come, always reminding me of how Mr. Tyrant is and the options he gave me (the dead end options), it will always remind me that, i control my own life, i take it to where i want it to be as long as i can control it, unless nature sets in...

i guess it'd be a good example to make me appreaciate my future bosses better..haha...

back to jobhunt Esther. this time im taking my cousin's & darling's advice - "take your time to find a job, somethings can't be rushed" - i seriously believe it now my dears...

overwhelmed with....frustration...gloom....

NOTE: before you start reading, this is going to a long blog..there's just too many to spit out...

today's a day filled with gallons of emotions n thots kept rolling...i have to write all out, cuz i just can't seem to reali sms enough to my friends & darling to vent my frustration. but even when i manage to, can they really understand what i really felt?

in office....
1st thing in the AM, i went to speak to my direct boss, Ms P. i told her that this job is not for me, so far all the handed over junk are all admin work, NONE of it is like what she said to me, marketing related. Does she really understand the meaning of MARKETING in the 1st place? i really doubt so.

her reply to me was - "perhaps you haven't gotten your own workplace, thus this out-of-place feeling. what has that gotta do with MARKETING? persuaded me to try out. told her i will try, but eventually, not suitable i'd still leave. (couldn't be bothered to talk to her since she's talking cock to me, nonsensical nonsense!)

the meeting...
then the finally got to see the devilish boss in meeting. true as it can be. unbelievable experience. i never expected to see such a tyrant in my life! he acts like he's the king of the world.

the meeting was at 12pm, and everyone was asked to stand outside his office @ 1155am, to wait for his 'order' to enter HELL. - reason being - he hates to wait for people, but people have to wait for him! fuck it!

once the room was opened, everyone rushed in n settled down, that rushing in scene was almost like we're a group of actors rushing backstage to enter the main stage for performance. i was shocked to see them behaving like this.

in the room, it almost felt like no one breathe. plain silence until he spoke to run thru' the meeting minutes. he scolded his staff like they are nobody.

one thing he said that ran thru' my mind constantly was - "don't go around the bush with me, you haven't earned that respect yet!" to a writer in my team. seriously...how could anyone tolerate this? anyone of u reading this can tolerate this?

another unforgettable scene was - "use your fucking brains" - "poom" (banging of his desk till his drawer slided out). -.-'

all these said by the boss in a meeting - not to joke with the word "fuck" but get scolded by a cold-blooded creature - the tyrant.

and when he wants you to stop talking, he puts his 'polar palm' straight in your face. seriously, what the hell!

i was like an observer in this skit. i saw 10 gloomy faces. people who were initially upright, filled with laughter suddenly shrunk in his presence. - is this the kind of company you'd want to work in? well, definitely not me.

after thots...
during lunch the AO in my team asked, "so what do you think?"
my 1st answer & Q was - "how did you all tolerate this?"
her reply, "just get used to it & don't get too personal, then ok lor."

- this is like what my darling said, people don't really have a choice sometimes due to their commitments. but my question is -

isn't there another place in the world that can hold you?

do you have to really tolerate this?

the funny thing is, the people in my team are all very young, they jolly well can afford another job. the writers, the asst. sales mgr and the asst. publishing mgr...they're all young...probably they pay well, but....to suffer such demeaning boss?

one thing i can't miss admitting is that, this tyrant actually points out practical facts thou in a fucking rude & disrespectful way. his Qs to them are right in a business perspective, but in terms of EQ, its very.......i don't know....not right...violation of human rights cuz he's making you feel so tiny! as if all your efforts are useless, and he's better off doing it....

money & commitments V.S. pride
this leads me to think over & over again...will this ever happen to me? to degrade & lose my pride all cuz of money?

right now, i can say, i can afford to stay jobless. i have no commitments (all thanks to the 'people up there' for my lucky life...).

....but..in future?

when i have kids, take care of my parents in their old age, myself, and maybe my husband.........what will be going through my mind then....? will i be like them? tolerate injustice of a tyrant superior? let him/her screw me in front of my fellow colleagues till like i'm not worth a single cent?

everyone of us is a precious child in our parents' eyes, yet we're being treated like a pathetic dirt @ the workplace. its a cruel cruel world......

welcome to the society, Esther....its a cruel world out there where practicality wins, but does tyranny plays an important part to success?

am i practical thinking enough? or am i childish & naive? guess i'd never know till i have more of such experiences (i sincerely pray to all gods, i don want it to happen again, PLEASE!)

i've decided to tender tomorrow, 1st thing in the AM. regardless of what they wish to say or screw, im leaving for good...i don see how i can adjust myself that soon to fit into this coy...im leaving before i get screwed by tyrant..i'd retaliate.....i may lose, but i'd put on a fierce fight to hold my pride....simply no respect towards his employees...even the interns were scolded like drenched monkeys.

at home....
i looked forward to coming home for a good rest n complain session...end up quarreling over a printer & game with the other 'tyrant' at home...(yes, the notorious one......HIM!) its the 3rd time we quarrelled over such tiny, SAME issue....i really give up...the thot of this makes my heart break...it always does..making my day even worse...a trail of tears flowed down my cheeks....

"Tears are the most substantial and yet the most fleeting, the most obvious and yet the most enigmatic proof of our emotional lives" - By JEFFREY BERMAN

tears always fall when i quarrel with him..its always due to a misunderstanding & he starts throwing words at you...it stings my heart...but, he will never know...in his eyes, im his 'tyrant sister' who always talk about him & stuff...im never good...ha.. =(

i hate to let my mum see that ugly display, but i couldn't help it but retaliate..im very defensive..

...........loss for words...........

things haven't gone too well as i hoped for, life is unpredictable & never perfect...i could only hang on & pray that gloomy clouds drift pass me & never come back....and may good things come my way, .....eventually....life still goes on, and no matter how bad i feel, im not as bad as what some other Beings are experiencing...im still lucky.....one song that i find suitable for myself now is Stand Back Up By Sugarland....hear it... =)

NOTE: thanks for reading this long writeup...ha...but congratulations! you finished an anecdote by the infamous Esther Ng!

first & the last?

today's my 1st day of work n i'm utterly disappointed & frustrated!

firstly, i don't have any enthusiasm towards this job......i tried cultivating it for 1 week...

secondly, once i step into the office. it doesnt feel right. i even took the wrong bus on the way to the office! its my fault for being so blur thou.

they had a short department update meeting & i was introduced to everyone in the team. after which i was led to my future work station after the girl leaves. all of a sudden, this admin lady wrote a note n it read "put your hp on slient mode".

then, the orientation by this HR cum PA donkey (female, btw). this was when i reali determined, this is not my job AT ALL....... perhaps im too pampered to start with.

1. cleaning duties, key master duty etc.
2. she will comment on ur dressing even when the bosses can't be bothered, she said it herself.

then the handover session......

1. its ALL admin work. i had enough it it already, really. there's not threshold level to tolerate any administrative work in me. abit, i can understand, its part n parcel of work, but the entire handover!? NO WAY!

2. i was told the big boss screams at you in the face and bangs tables in meetings, throw things in your face when u do thing wrongly.....(real jerk isn't it)

3. the boss will walk ard the office scouting for untidy tables & mess it up even further, forcing you to clean it. (where in the world did he come from anyways?)

i din believe it initially, but when he boss comes out of his room, EVERYONE kept quiet and virtually locked their eyes on their PCs. and the girl blurted out "oh, shit" when boss was standing behind our cubicle talking to another fellow colleague. i noticed him walking to every corner in the office to 'scan' for 'targets' in a sickeningly nasty look.

nothing in this coy attracts me any more, nor is it motivating in any sense. i've tried accepting the 5.5 work week fact & accepted this job. i've compromised, not alot but to me, its a big psychological barrier.

then now the cleaning shit n stuff...OMG! i can't stand a single minute in that bloody office!

and i forgot to mention, its freaking quiet, worse than a national library.

its really not a good thing to just feel like tendering on just the 1st day of work, but, nothing in that coy interests me. NOTHING. i seriously prefer more hands-on product marketing.

i've started looking for a job again. this time i seriously hope for something to be right. where have all the jobs gone!

People, welcome!

i've added 3 more members to my blog...after we work, and yogesh being in india, we will haf lesser time together, thus, blog is something we can use to update each other on our happenings....

thus, to all 5 of u....enjoy it...

its very personal thou, thats y its called my inner abyssal.....(things happen for a reason) *giggles*

so keep to to only ur own eyes......cheers!

and may all Gods bless us.. since i don haf a religion.....any good God will do...haha...

....i got it, now what?

i've gotten my results back.....

marketing & entrepreneurship - A
direct marketing - B

amazing! ha, i nv expected to get such results, in the 1st place, i never had any expectations other than to pass! (thats my mentality when i enter every exam)

i din't exactly work hard for this 2 exam, chit chatting at mac with my study mates occupied most of my time, ha....but it was fun.....so now to get this result...im extremely delighted..

i got a job....

at X company. starting work next monday...i've mixed feelings about it..this industry is not exactly what i want. but since the mgr seems sincere in employing me, i sud give it a shot then see how it goes.....

actually after i got my results, i felt relieve, just a single thing to make me happy...but this single thing is sth i have put in alot of effort in the past 2 years. the only thing im waiting for to cheer me up even further is my project results...give me an A for heaven's sake! i spent alot of time n sleepless nights on it...i believe im worth an A....

im left with 3 more working days to enjoy before i start dwelling in work....so...im gonna enjoy as much as i can! i can finally SPEND MONEY! omg! i've waited so long.....

this is at start to a marketing career....its now or never..i need to learn...steep learning curve....tactful handling of ppl....alot...alot of other stuff..this road to my eventual aim is rough..but, like i always say.....persistance will payoff.....JIAYOU!

to everyone reading this....same to you...persist & things ALWAYS happen for a reason.....

Got it....but.........is it a right choice??

i received a call from "x" company (went for interview last thurs, offered me on fri). the mgr countered offer me as i was unhappy with the figure they offered me on fri.

i should be delighted about getting this job, but there's a big portion in me that's pushing a rejection.

y im showing rejection symptoms?
i could only figure out the most obvious rejection reason - the 5.5 days work week. im not sure if i could convince myself with this working situation, but for now, i thot i'd give it a shot. i'd nv know if i don't try.

probably im afraid of this new environment....
you know how sickening it is to be put into a foreign place n u know NOBODY! n when u start sitting at ur work station, everyone simply looks at u like an alien from the alienated Pluto...

y i accepted this job?
i was rather happy with the way this asst. mgr fought for my desired min pay and a confirmed adjustment upon confirmation after probation period. i mentioned the offered was too low & told her my desired. and today she managed to counter-offer me what i wanted. but still, i find it low....(very greedy hor, but who doesn't like $$$ right!)

but then again....

i think i sud give it a shot to see if it reali suits me, from the job description during the interview on thurs, its an interesting industry n job, get to meet alot of people etc.....its a f&b industry, who knows i may gain weight!

To my beloved darling - if you read this - if i get fat, U CANNOT DITCH ME! i'd castrate you 1st and I WILL BE THE 1 DITCHING YOU! HOHOHO!! *giggles* - but it only happens if u ditch me cuz im fat...i wont bear do that to you.....you're too dear....

p.s. - butty, u may find this mushy..but u can skip it! hmmp!

just listen to my complains for working on sat from now on...both dearie n the 'butty' who teased me for creating my own blog..u big idiot!

anyways, wish me luck.....everyone....including any Gods if you cared... *frown*

Ratatouille - Inspiring...

ratatouille - interesting show with a few meaningful quotes "Change is nature."

this movie is about this rat, Remy, who loves to cook & definitely can cook very well with his great sense of scent. goes through all kinds of ordeal to get to what he believes in. impressive & inspiring.

it leads me to think of my job hunt situation.

i went for an interview on last thurs, and got the job offer the very next day. but the said pay package was too low.

the fact is i'm inexperience in marketing, but hold a marketing degree.

but this coy is arguing on the fact that im inexperience in marketing so give me a diploma grade pay! wth! is my degree invisible?

this career swtich is definitely not easy, but i will persist on getting the expected. thou my patience is running thin, i have no choice but to wait...

encouragement from my loved ones, especially my boyfriend & 'butty' is important to me. whatever happens, no matter how long it takes, i will persist. Have faith in what you believe and things will happen, eventually....

anyways, after being jobless for too long, im starting to feel lazy. alot of getting used to is essential for me to get used working life again. guess what my 'butty' said is right "enjoy now while i can before hectic life overwhelms me again"

Tough hunt......

tough hunt.......for jobs....

its been 2 months since i've been jobless, im getting so darn bored!

so far i've been to 3 interviews including 1 this morning. but they work 5.5 week! the job scope is fine, just the working days. well, its not that im not the kind who cannot commit to a job, i can, but at my own expense. not a disciplined working Saturday.

even the government works 5 days now, y cant these companies convert as well? many may think that its fine to work on Sat, but not me. Sat are meant for chilling out with friends, do some catching up n stuff, not waste it on work. Life's not all about work people! Live life to the fullest, work and play hard! after 5 days of hardcore slogging, i think its not too much to slack for a Sat.

Then what about Sunday.......

Sundays are meant for rest & time with family.........

everyone has an "invisible" standards set for what they can or cant accept in a job, thus, mine is, no working on my precious wkends! unless the situation calls for it, yes i will make this 'contribution'.

hopefully something will come my way soon, having couch-ed at home for so long, i'm getting rusty!