my long time worry....

just came home from dinner with him..i requested that we do it alone..without 'neon lights' - the term i use when i talk to cindy (my wife)..haha..

feeling fresh after a day's work, i just wanna get some thots out....so im blogging n playing with facebook at the same time..i like to multi-task..

he's going to ord soon..i've told you guys about it before..

the nearer it is to that day, the more stressed i am over this relationship..im probably worrying too much, but, put yourselves in my shoes, how can i not worry? teach me if u can..

his dad wants him to go overseas if he can't get into SMU...logically speaking, if he can't get into local U, and have to study in SIM, its darn stupid..he can afford to go overseas for the exposure...

ending it is the last thing i want to do..i rather die..im not strong enough, really....but, i kept telling myself, for his good, its better that he goes...and i totally agree...but not the part where we have to be seperated by continents...i've said it before, if he goes, we don exist...

i've been preparing myself for this for a long time, in case he goes..but....im never prepared..how to be when i see him every week, i sms him everyday...i can't bring myself to imagine the emptiness i'd feel if he left..i guess he wont get used to it too...my bugging..haha...

i have a pair of pillars i hang on to...my wife n him..if i suddenly lose one...and the one i lead towards most of the time, i'd probably fall...my bor, if you see this, u gotta hold on to me man..else i'd really drown in quicksand..

i maybe strong in some ways, but to have him away, i donno where my source of fuel will come from..i'd need to starve 1st and find a new source...if he leaves, i'd probably only seem him once every 6 mths..omg! its not gonna work...i don believe in maintaining distant relationship..

sometimes im rather impressed with his brother and his girlfriend...one's in UK and the other here..she'd only get to see him every 6 mths...for a period of 4 year i think...and its been about i think 2 years now...they still exist...

so i repeatedly ask myself: can this relationship withstand this test? i'd never know...the only thing my conscious mind tells me is - spend more time together...as much as we can..u never know how much time we're really left with, Together..

i'd not blame him for leaving..he's not wrong..im selfish for wanting him to stay, its my wrong if i do that..so i only wish..i hope...i pray..gods don help bad people right? maybe i'd be the exception? *grinz*

i just need to spit out this thot i have since last night..it bugged me the whole night till my swollen eyes finally feel tired...and today, it 'blued' my day...whatever happens, i know i have my frens, the readers of this blog to support me, tahan my bugging, crying, emo-ing for some time? after all its a 5 yr devotion....cant possible get over in 1 mth rite...ha..

but 1 good story to share for today ---
my mgr told me that my big boss, actually thought quite highly of my capabilities....ha...he's always having a stern face like everyone owe him $..so im quite glad that behind that face, he tnks this way..im proud of myself...i always think i have strengths that are undiscovered yet, and im keen on getting them all out....i don even know myself too well..

i'd dig it out.....someday....the answer to everything will come when its time......