"the devil wears prada"

by right i told pris the title of this blog will be "out of this world" if i don remember wrongly...

but, i tot about it, its so much like this movie, the editor, Miranda Priestly. Mr. Tyrant was far worse than her. am i exaggerating? NO!

i tendered today, but only got to be 'commanded' to speak to him. (pointed a finger at me, & signed me to walk over to him) *freaking rotten asshole*

he spoke to me, said that he heard abt my tendering (calling it a miscommunication) with Ms. P & said i was being disrespectful if i don't give this job a try. & if i were to leave without giving it further try, i'd be a loser but if i try, i'd be a winner. (what the heck? devils talk like this?)

since last night, i kept telling myself, whatever happens, no matter how high an amplitude he shouts, i have to keep my calm & maintain a determined eye contact & firm stand on my decision. i did it!

i inisted on leaving, not like he persuaded me at all. giving me a road to choose as thou i was at dead ends. c'mon, the world is round, millions of companies exists. there's no such thing as i can't survive without his offer!

finally, he pointed his fat fingers in my face & said, GO. i replied, GOOD, took my bag & left without another word. he did say loudly to his PA cum HR slave to cancel my contract....

adrenaline rushed through me & a sense of relief set in as i stomped out of that hell..my 2 and a half days trip in hell was over....

------------------------------------END OF MISERY-------------------------------------

this 3 days.....eye opener, strong impact in how i view life, at least, my life..

i've been into a communist company....where only what Mr. Tyrant says is important, the rest, to hell with it...

i cant deny the fact that i do admire the questions he threw at his 'slaves' when he felt it wasn't right. he was quick n sharp.

but being demeaning....not acceptable...thinking that he's almighty....as thou he's all that's left in the world...if he's really Almighty, i'd really stop believing & respecting the existence of Gods...lucky he's not.... *whosh*

my point is, if Mr. Bill Gates don't behave like Mr. Tyrant, what right does it give Mr. Tyrant to abuse his authority? if he doesn't respect people, how do they look up to him? we're all slaves of money, it doesn't hurt abit to make it slightly easier to earn money, with respect & dignity...

respect, dignity & pride makes up the majority of me. i realised the importance of working extra hard when you're young & make a spare boat to fall back on. it leaves u a choice of your own. rather than to be subjected to humilation & 'blackmail'.

these memories will be left in my mind for a long time to come, always reminding me of how Mr. Tyrant is and the options he gave me (the dead end options), it will always remind me that, i control my own life, i take it to where i want it to be as long as i can control it, unless nature sets in...

i guess it'd be a good example to make me appreaciate my future bosses better..haha...

back to jobhunt Esther. this time im taking my cousin's & darling's advice - "take your time to find a job, somethings can't be rushed" - i seriously believe it now my dears...

overwhelmed with....frustration...gloom....

NOTE: before you start reading, this is going to a long blog..there's just too many to spit out...

today's a day filled with gallons of emotions n thots kept rolling...i have to write all out, cuz i just can't seem to reali sms enough to my friends & darling to vent my frustration. but even when i manage to, can they really understand what i really felt?

in office....
1st thing in the AM, i went to speak to my direct boss, Ms P. i told her that this job is not for me, so far all the handed over junk are all admin work, NONE of it is like what she said to me, marketing related. Does she really understand the meaning of MARKETING in the 1st place? i really doubt so.

her reply to me was - "perhaps you haven't gotten your own workplace, thus this out-of-place feeling. what has that gotta do with MARKETING? persuaded me to try out. told her i will try, but eventually, not suitable i'd still leave. (couldn't be bothered to talk to her since she's talking cock to me, nonsensical nonsense!)

the meeting...
then the finally got to see the devilish boss in meeting. true as it can be. unbelievable experience. i never expected to see such a tyrant in my life! he acts like he's the king of the world.

the meeting was at 12pm, and everyone was asked to stand outside his office @ 1155am, to wait for his 'order' to enter HELL. - reason being - he hates to wait for people, but people have to wait for him! fuck it!

once the room was opened, everyone rushed in n settled down, that rushing in scene was almost like we're a group of actors rushing backstage to enter the main stage for performance. i was shocked to see them behaving like this.

in the room, it almost felt like no one breathe. plain silence until he spoke to run thru' the meeting minutes. he scolded his staff like they are nobody.

one thing he said that ran thru' my mind constantly was - "don't go around the bush with me, you haven't earned that respect yet!" to a writer in my team. seriously...how could anyone tolerate this? anyone of u reading this can tolerate this?

another unforgettable scene was - "use your fucking brains" - "poom" (banging of his desk till his drawer slided out). -.-'

all these said by the boss in a meeting - not to joke with the word "fuck" but get scolded by a cold-blooded creature - the tyrant.

and when he wants you to stop talking, he puts his 'polar palm' straight in your face. seriously, what the hell!

i was like an observer in this skit. i saw 10 gloomy faces. people who were initially upright, filled with laughter suddenly shrunk in his presence. - is this the kind of company you'd want to work in? well, definitely not me.

after thots...
during lunch the AO in my team asked, "so what do you think?"
my 1st answer & Q was - "how did you all tolerate this?"
her reply, "just get used to it & don't get too personal, then ok lor."

- this is like what my darling said, people don't really have a choice sometimes due to their commitments. but my question is -

isn't there another place in the world that can hold you?

do you have to really tolerate this?

the funny thing is, the people in my team are all very young, they jolly well can afford another job. the writers, the asst. sales mgr and the asst. publishing mgr...they're all young...probably they pay well, but....to suffer such demeaning boss?

one thing i can't miss admitting is that, this tyrant actually points out practical facts thou in a fucking rude & disrespectful way. his Qs to them are right in a business perspective, but in terms of EQ, its very.......i don't know....not right...violation of human rights cuz he's making you feel so tiny! as if all your efforts are useless, and he's better off doing it....

money & commitments V.S. pride
this leads me to think over & over again...will this ever happen to me? to degrade & lose my pride all cuz of money?

right now, i can say, i can afford to stay jobless. i have no commitments (all thanks to the 'people up there' for my lucky life...).

....but..in future?

when i have kids, take care of my parents in their old age, myself, and maybe my husband.........what will be going through my mind then....? will i be like them? tolerate injustice of a tyrant superior? let him/her screw me in front of my fellow colleagues till like i'm not worth a single cent?

everyone of us is a precious child in our parents' eyes, yet we're being treated like a pathetic dirt @ the workplace. its a cruel cruel world......

welcome to the society, Esther....its a cruel world out there where practicality wins, but does tyranny plays an important part to success?

am i practical thinking enough? or am i childish & naive? guess i'd never know till i have more of such experiences (i sincerely pray to all gods, i don want it to happen again, PLEASE!)

i've decided to tender tomorrow, 1st thing in the AM. regardless of what they wish to say or screw, im leaving for good...i don see how i can adjust myself that soon to fit into this coy...im leaving before i get screwed by tyrant..i'd retaliate.....i may lose, but i'd put on a fierce fight to hold my pride....simply no respect towards his employees...even the interns were scolded like drenched monkeys.

at home....
i looked forward to coming home for a good rest n complain session...end up quarreling over a printer & game with the other 'tyrant' at home...(yes, the notorious one......HIM!) its the 3rd time we quarrelled over such tiny, SAME issue....i really give up...the thot of this makes my heart break...it always does..making my day even worse...a trail of tears flowed down my cheeks....

"Tears are the most substantial and yet the most fleeting, the most obvious and yet the most enigmatic proof of our emotional lives" - By JEFFREY BERMAN

tears always fall when i quarrel with him..its always due to a misunderstanding & he starts throwing words at you...it stings my heart...but, he will never know...in his eyes, im his 'tyrant sister' who always talk about him & stuff...im never good...ha.. =(

i hate to let my mum see that ugly display, but i couldn't help it but retaliate..im very defensive..

...........loss for words...........

things haven't gone too well as i hoped for, life is unpredictable & never perfect...i could only hang on & pray that gloomy clouds drift pass me & never come back....and may good things come my way, .....eventually....life still goes on, and no matter how bad i feel, im not as bad as what some other Beings are experiencing...im still lucky.....one song that i find suitable for myself now is Stand Back Up By Sugarland....hear it... =)

NOTE: thanks for reading this long writeup...ha...but congratulations! you finished an anecdote by the infamous Esther Ng!

first & the last?

today's my 1st day of work n i'm utterly disappointed & frustrated!

firstly, i don't have any enthusiasm towards this job......i tried cultivating it for 1 week...

secondly, once i step into the office. it doesnt feel right. i even took the wrong bus on the way to the office! its my fault for being so blur thou.

they had a short department update meeting & i was introduced to everyone in the team. after which i was led to my future work station after the girl leaves. all of a sudden, this admin lady wrote a note n it read "put your hp on slient mode".

then, the orientation by this HR cum PA donkey (female, btw). this was when i reali determined, this is not my job AT ALL....... perhaps im too pampered to start with.

1. cleaning duties, key master duty etc.
2. she will comment on ur dressing even when the bosses can't be bothered, she said it herself.

then the handover session......

1. its ALL admin work. i had enough it it already, really. there's not threshold level to tolerate any administrative work in me. abit, i can understand, its part n parcel of work, but the entire handover!? NO WAY!

2. i was told the big boss screams at you in the face and bangs tables in meetings, throw things in your face when u do thing wrongly.....(real jerk isn't it)

3. the boss will walk ard the office scouting for untidy tables & mess it up even further, forcing you to clean it. (where in the world did he come from anyways?)

i din believe it initially, but when he boss comes out of his room, EVERYONE kept quiet and virtually locked their eyes on their PCs. and the girl blurted out "oh, shit" when boss was standing behind our cubicle talking to another fellow colleague. i noticed him walking to every corner in the office to 'scan' for 'targets' in a sickeningly nasty look.

nothing in this coy attracts me any more, nor is it motivating in any sense. i've tried accepting the 5.5 work week fact & accepted this job. i've compromised, not alot but to me, its a big psychological barrier.

then now the cleaning shit n stuff...OMG! i can't stand a single minute in that bloody office!

and i forgot to mention, its freaking quiet, worse than a national library.

its really not a good thing to just feel like tendering on just the 1st day of work, but, nothing in that coy interests me. NOTHING. i seriously prefer more hands-on product marketing.

i've started looking for a job again. this time i seriously hope for something to be right. where have all the jobs gone!

People, welcome!

i've added 3 more members to my blog...after we work, and yogesh being in india, we will haf lesser time together, thus, blog is something we can use to update each other on our happenings....

thus, to all 5 of u....enjoy it...

its very personal thou, thats y its called my inner abyssal.....(things happen for a reason) *giggles*

so keep to to only ur own eyes......cheers!

and may all Gods bless us.. since i don haf a religion.....any good God will do...haha...

....i got it, now what?

i've gotten my results back.....

marketing & entrepreneurship - A
direct marketing - B

amazing! ha, i nv expected to get such results, in the 1st place, i never had any expectations other than to pass! (thats my mentality when i enter every exam)

i din't exactly work hard for this 2 exam, chit chatting at mac with my study mates occupied most of my time, ha....but it was fun.....so now to get this result...im extremely delighted..

i got a job....

at X company. starting work next monday...i've mixed feelings about it..this industry is not exactly what i want. but since the mgr seems sincere in employing me, i sud give it a shot then see how it goes.....

actually after i got my results, i felt relieve, just a single thing to make me happy...but this single thing is sth i have put in alot of effort in the past 2 years. the only thing im waiting for to cheer me up even further is my project results...give me an A for heaven's sake! i spent alot of time n sleepless nights on it...i believe im worth an A....

im left with 3 more working days to enjoy before i start dwelling in work....so...im gonna enjoy as much as i can! i can finally SPEND MONEY! omg! i've waited so long.....

this is at start to a marketing career....its now or never..i need to learn...steep learning curve....tactful handling of ppl....alot...alot of other stuff..this road to my eventual aim is rough..but, like i always say.....persistance will payoff.....JIAYOU!

to everyone reading this....same to you...persist & things ALWAYS happen for a reason.....

Got it....but.........is it a right choice??

i received a call from "x" company (went for interview last thurs, offered me on fri). the mgr countered offer me as i was unhappy with the figure they offered me on fri.

i should be delighted about getting this job, but there's a big portion in me that's pushing a rejection.

y im showing rejection symptoms?
i could only figure out the most obvious rejection reason - the 5.5 days work week. im not sure if i could convince myself with this working situation, but for now, i thot i'd give it a shot. i'd nv know if i don't try.

probably im afraid of this new environment....
you know how sickening it is to be put into a foreign place n u know NOBODY! n when u start sitting at ur work station, everyone simply looks at u like an alien from the alienated Pluto...

y i accepted this job?
i was rather happy with the way this asst. mgr fought for my desired min pay and a confirmed adjustment upon confirmation after probation period. i mentioned the offered was too low & told her my desired. and today she managed to counter-offer me what i wanted. but still, i find it low....(very greedy hor, but who doesn't like $$$ right!)

but then again....

i think i sud give it a shot to see if it reali suits me, from the job description during the interview on thurs, its an interesting industry n job, get to meet alot of people etc.....its a f&b industry, who knows i may gain weight!

To my beloved darling - if you read this - if i get fat, U CANNOT DITCH ME! i'd castrate you 1st and I WILL BE THE 1 DITCHING YOU! HOHOHO!! *giggles* - but it only happens if u ditch me cuz im fat...i wont bear do that to you.....you're too dear....

p.s. - butty, u may find this mushy..but u can skip it! hmmp!

just listen to my complains for working on sat from now on...both dearie n the 'butty' who teased me for creating my own blog..u big idiot!

anyways, wish me luck.....everyone....including any Gods if you cared... *frown*

Ratatouille - Inspiring...

ratatouille - interesting show with a few meaningful quotes "Change is nature."

this movie is about this rat, Remy, who loves to cook & definitely can cook very well with his great sense of scent. goes through all kinds of ordeal to get to what he believes in. impressive & inspiring.

it leads me to think of my job hunt situation.

i went for an interview on last thurs, and got the job offer the very next day. but the said pay package was too low.

the fact is i'm inexperience in marketing, but hold a marketing degree.

but this coy is arguing on the fact that im inexperience in marketing so give me a diploma grade pay! wth! is my degree invisible?

this career swtich is definitely not easy, but i will persist on getting the expected. thou my patience is running thin, i have no choice but to wait...

encouragement from my loved ones, especially my boyfriend & 'butty' is important to me. whatever happens, no matter how long it takes, i will persist. Have faith in what you believe and things will happen, eventually....

anyways, after being jobless for too long, im starting to feel lazy. alot of getting used to is essential for me to get used working life again. guess what my 'butty' said is right "enjoy now while i can before hectic life overwhelms me again"

Tough hunt......

tough hunt.......for jobs....

its been 2 months since i've been jobless, im getting so darn bored!

so far i've been to 3 interviews including 1 this morning. but they work 5.5 week! the job scope is fine, just the working days. well, its not that im not the kind who cannot commit to a job, i can, but at my own expense. not a disciplined working Saturday.

even the government works 5 days now, y cant these companies convert as well? many may think that its fine to work on Sat, but not me. Sat are meant for chilling out with friends, do some catching up n stuff, not waste it on work. Life's not all about work people! Live life to the fullest, work and play hard! after 5 days of hardcore slogging, i think its not too much to slack for a Sat.

Then what about Sunday.......

Sundays are meant for rest & time with family.........

everyone has an "invisible" standards set for what they can or cant accept in a job, thus, mine is, no working on my precious wkends! unless the situation calls for it, yes i will make this 'contribution'.

hopefully something will come my way soon, having couch-ed at home for so long, i'm getting rusty!