graduation letter is here!

its going to be on the 10th November, a Saturday @ Suntec Convention Hall....hohoho!!

all of us waited 2 years for this...and its going to come soon...! i just emailed yogesh, to inform him, cuz i doubt he can receive the letter since he's in India....he better come back n be with NAFTA for this joyous occasion man! we went thru the thick and thin of exams...we gotta go through this together too!

and krishna's gonna be there..ha..we can all take loads of pictures in our gowns..i'd need a make up artist that day...haha..i wanna look good in this memorable occasion...any volunteers?

im going to bring wei and my wife with me..wonder if she's free...they charge 42/pax for the high tea....im gonna make sure they eat loads of the food..haha....so expensive...!

my parents can't be there with me, so i'd probably ask the photography studio how much they charge for phototaking...want to have 1 with my parents...

they use to think i can never study, always comparing me to others...but, i've come this far...as the saying goes, the winner gets the last laugh...its true! i've done myself proud..hohoho!! just can't help being so cocky...but thats me...

so much for today....damn shack...........tomorrow's FRIDAY! my fave day of the week....haha.....

my long time worry....

just came home from dinner with him..i requested that we do it alone..without 'neon lights' - the term i use when i talk to cindy (my wife)..haha..

feeling fresh after a day's work, i just wanna get some thots out....so im blogging n playing with facebook at the same time..i like to multi-task..

he's going to ord soon..i've told you guys about it before..

the nearer it is to that day, the more stressed i am over this relationship..im probably worrying too much, but, put yourselves in my shoes, how can i not worry? teach me if u can..

his dad wants him to go overseas if he can't get into SMU...logically speaking, if he can't get into local U, and have to study in SIM, its darn stupid..he can afford to go overseas for the exposure...

ending it is the last thing i want to do..i rather die..im not strong enough, really....but, i kept telling myself, for his good, its better that he goes...and i totally agree...but not the part where we have to be seperated by continents...i've said it before, if he goes, we don exist...

i've been preparing myself for this for a long time, in case he goes..but....im never prepared..how to be when i see him every week, i sms him everyday...i can't bring myself to imagine the emptiness i'd feel if he left..i guess he wont get used to it too...my bugging..haha...

i have a pair of pillars i hang on to...my wife n him..if i suddenly lose one...and the one i lead towards most of the time, i'd probably fall...my bor, if you see this, u gotta hold on to me man..else i'd really drown in quicksand..

i maybe strong in some ways, but to have him away, i donno where my source of fuel will come from..i'd need to starve 1st and find a new source...if he leaves, i'd probably only seem him once every 6 mths..omg! its not gonna work...i don believe in maintaining distant relationship..

sometimes im rather impressed with his brother and his girlfriend...one's in UK and the other here..she'd only get to see him every 6 mths...for a period of 4 year i think...and its been about i think 2 years now...they still exist...

so i repeatedly ask myself: can this relationship withstand this test? i'd never know...the only thing my conscious mind tells me is - spend more time together...as much as we can..u never know how much time we're really left with, Together..

i'd not blame him for leaving..he's not wrong..im selfish for wanting him to stay, its my wrong if i do that..so i only wish..i hope...i pray..gods don help bad people right? maybe i'd be the exception? *grinz*

i just need to spit out this thot i have since last night..it bugged me the whole night till my swollen eyes finally feel tired...and today, it 'blued' my day...whatever happens, i know i have my frens, the readers of this blog to support me, tahan my bugging, crying, emo-ing for some time? after all its a 5 yr devotion....cant possible get over in 1 mth rite...ha..

but 1 good story to share for today ---
my mgr told me that my big boss, actually thought quite highly of my capabilities....ha...he's always having a stern face like everyone owe him $..so im quite glad that behind that face, he tnks this way..im proud of myself...i always think i have strengths that are undiscovered yet, and im keen on getting them all out....i don even know myself too well..

i'd dig it out.....someday....the answer to everything will come when its time......

rest in peace, chubby

it was yet another shocking news....

darling's dog passed yesterday..and his kind maid, buried him in the garden.

i learnt the news this am, in the office and was controlling my tears all the while. its the 2nd death in a month, what kind of luck..i thought only good things come in pairs..

its depressing..he didn't get to see the dog for 1 last time..nor do the burial personally..

i know chubby 5 years back, when wei & i started dating..he's always trying to get out of the house when anyone goes out..i can never forget how he loves to come to us when we're eating..he's always hungry..just about 2 weeks before my grandma died, chubby was admitted to hospital as he cant walk suddenly. we initially thought he was injured by a car, but xray results wasn't like that.

looking at it from the good side, chubby already lost his both legs, he can't walk..and doctors couldn't find out what is wrong with him..likely to be cancer...once you try to carry him, he'd bite...he's a dog that doesn't bite at all..it must be really painful to touch him..

now that he's dead, he's free to wander around like before and return home when he's tired. he wont be deprived of his daily activity anymore..good for him..i just pray for him to be happy in the other world &....we'd all miss him..

another sunday afternoon..

i pinned for weekend to come the whole of last week..

work was as usual, boring..but im telling myself to carry on..i believe something interesting will come 1 day. last friday my boss told me, i'd be getting busy in days to come as they're looking for ways to increase sales...lets hope they have more marketing activities...

today's sunday, and i spend my day watching show..haha..there's this hongkong drama series, Drive of Life. this story is about 3 brothers who worked towards their dream of growing their car business. and 2 of the 3 brothers went to hongkong when they're young, leaving 1 behind to look after their parents.

the eldest fought for his success while in hongkong, while the 1 in their hometown struggled with life. in the end, the son of the rich man liquated the business overnight and they all had to start from scratch again.

that's when you get to see the sibilings lending a helping hand to each other in times of need. bonding themselves together to make their dreams come true. its a story worth watching, thou not everyone is so lucky to get such good family, but it happens in little corners that we don't get to see.

this story is very much focused on family and how they endure and persist to fight for what they want and wished for. its worth watching for the story line thou its a rather long story.

i've been searching for a new hp, i sold my samsung...too problematic..but there seems to be just too many hps out there, i donno which to get. ha..so im tnking of getting wat my darling has, E61i, its big, but im in love with the wifi..best thing is, if i get that, i'd be using the same hp with him..haha...

this relationship is making me growing more dependant on him, is it good or bad? am i falling into the curse 3 years back? when the pillar suddenly left & i was stranded in the middle of the sea for awhile before i picked myself up again. it was a period of demoralisation, made me feel so damn weak.

at many points of time, i find myself thinking, what happens if in the end, we can't work out..is the outcome really important to me? or is it the process of being together now that matters? what if either one of us decides to leave for the better good? that what would this few years mean to us? life would be so darn different, almost like a 360 degrees turn..how would i get through it if it happens? then what have we both been working towards this 5 years? its an aimless relationship, i have no idea where we're heading, all i know is i just want it to exist as long as im alive. does he think likewise? or is it a 1 sided thing?

i know im digging problems for myself..but, sometimes the thought just comes. not once or twice, but almost everytime after meeting him..i dread the feeling of leaving for him..WOMEN..arghh..

Happy Birthday Darling...

this entry is dedicated to Mr Yeo, my darling....he wore the shoes i bought for him...haha..i like it...

This was where we went yesterday for his bday dinner...and we had a whole lot of food, but i only remembered to take the pictures in the middle of our sumptuous meal....

The food we ordered were fantastic, it probably tasted extremely delicious cuz everyone was damn hungry and in good spirits. it was too bad that we couldn't have our own time together on his birthday...donno where our fren's automatic button went. argghhh!

whatever it is, its his happiness that matters. but guys, swordfish collar is really fantastic..but the serving is too big for us girls..unless u got damn elastic stomach..but its delicious..

Happy Birthday dear....hope u had lots of fun thou its just a no-surprise, simple celebration. hope we can celebrate all our birthdays for the rest of our lives together......good luck & love ya!

laze...relax....fret...shoe-dreaming..

im watching show at crunchyroll, drinking tea while writing...im in a lazy mood..

1st week in the job after a few months break, is exceptionally tiring..ha..feel like my bones are giving way...age.....hmmm.. i've been too tired to blog..now is the time...

---work---
the work is rather dry, i get so bored in the afternoons, especially after lunchtime..maybe cuz im still new, so not much work other than admin stuff is passed to me....i should just wait and see...for the money, why not, i'm not at a loss...

my work place is filled with women..omg..i can't bear the tot...last friday i went for lunch with the girls, and their shopping iternary after eating is MAKE-UP...something totally foreign in my life.."which blusher suits me?" - everyone of them looks the same, is there any diff? ha...i feel so 'man' suddenly..

1 thought came to my mind...does my darling feel that way each time i step into a shop to look at clothes and shoes? ha....i kinda felt how general men felt when they go shopping with their girls..poor thing...BUT that doesn't stop me from going shopping whenever we're out dear!

---birthday---
talking about shopping, i bought a pair of shoes for darling (hope he really likes it). it was a birthday present..im cracking my brains to find a place for dinner tomorrow night..its his birthday...every time this year i find a guilt wriggling out of me..

every year, he'd celebrate & surprise me..ha..yet me, i really couldn't think of anything special...im trying hard dear..now im fretting over what the program will be tml...HELP! i just hope he enjoys his day...his happiness is mine too....mushy right..haha...the power of love..

---twilight---
power of love leads to another thing...i've been reading a book, Twilight by Stephine Meyer. the story revolves around a girl named Bella, who fell in love with a vampire Edward...yah, i know its just like a typical old fashion love story. but the way the author writes, makes you mesmerise in this ridiculous story, makes you feel so in love....im loving this story so much...

probably i've been in a relationship for so long, i kinda miss the feeling of falling in love...i miss having butterflies in my stomach, blushing when you see the person....but, it doesn't mean im tired of my current relationship..its a different thing..

but still, i strongly recommend this book...the author uses simple English, and once you read it, you get dragged into their world..we all live in a practical world, so sometimes its nice to be immersed in some fantasy..

---shopping---

i bought a pair of shoes for myself too...!! from pretty fit...its only $33.90! very comfortable too!

i have to say, pretty fit has nice designs now...they have improved alot compared to what they were at first..their bags, shoes, accessories are nice....

i fell for a pair of pig skin shoes too...very comfortable..but its ex....$79.90...im missing it alot..hmmmm..how??!! there's simply too many things i want to buy..there's another pair of shoes that i WILL be getting for myself from Prima Vera..its my favourite shoe shop..their shoes & bags are rather pricy, but its of good quality....HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!

my shoe indulgence is uncontrollable.....i have to work more to earn money to satisfy them..tml's monday...i dread the blues...it always come to me..how can i stop the blues every week? adjusting to the environment is.....tough...i have to work harder on it...bless me..

'A'

project results are FINALLY OUT! i got an A - 70.....thank god for krishna and of course my continuous effots & sleepless nights..

although its only 70, its still an A....thats all i wanted..simple..

today's also my 1st day of work. so far, everything seems ok. friendly people..heard the bosses are also nice..i never believed in nice anymore..its always overrated..i'd find out for myself in time..anyways, notice period is only 24 hours..haha..my probation period is 6 mths..which means unpaid leave & MCs for this period...omg...

but, this job needs to be my stepping stone..i need the experience...this industry is not what i aim for, after all my 'A' project (very hao lian right!!) is focused on automobile industry.thats where i wanna be ultimately..doing corp comms or product marketing for these cars will be my love...especially for lamborghini..haha....

the girl im replacing has been there for 3 years. so should be a good enough to let her stay for 3 years..i want to learn as much as possible within this stay in the coy in order to move on.. its important..its my future...

according to her, should any bosses be unhappy with your performance, they will send an email to you instead of screaming in your face in public...so my impression is that they respect people's pride....hope they don BCC to others...thats very despicable right...

its a female working environment..too many women..goodness! i came from a complete male working environment, and now..all women! from quiet working place to very noisy...this is when i have to pay tribute to technology & the inventors of mp3 players, ear phones & hardisk...haha..

what makes me even happier is, im accessible to msn & skype, provided its not seen by the bosses...so i hereby recommend, messenger live plus application (freeware)...it sets your msn on 'boss mode' by minimizing your msn to a small unrecognizable icon on the tray..hurray!

but the job is rather boring, i almost fell asleep while doing it in the p.m..but, i will persist..it doesnt come easy, like i always say, things happen for a reason...let nature takes it course..and let my persistance bring me to success! this applies to everyone! JIAYOU!

a brand new start

the funeral's finally over....everyone's mood in the family has lighten up greatly....

glad that dad's fine now, although he cried like a mad cow yesterday..i've only seen him this way twice...glad that i don haf to see the aunts i dislike ever again....

today's a good day for clearing up the 'mental mess' in me & start looking forward to my 1st day of work come monday..i really pray everything will be a smooth start towards a marketing career! i wish for no more tyrants in my life ever again!

managed to clear some of the unfinished posts for the past few days..written halfway then got distracted by other thots....ha...my weakness...checked my emails & got busy with facebook..sarah's really active in it....but she's got her reasons to..its actually very interactive..i think you guys should try it out...

to end it off, i pray for a new start.....be happy & i look forward to the coming x'mas! haha..i know its abit early, but its my fave season!

mixed emotions...

i got a pleasant news today - i got a job....again.....ha...

this time i don feel as dreadful as i felt for the previous job. good sign...plus i'd be working in orchard! lol..more money spending as i'd be working in lido! hohoho! just imagine the 'noise' i'd be exposed to EVERYDAY! is that good or bad?

1 more good thing is that i'd be able to lunch with pris! ha...she said her lunch time is flexible, so she'd be able to match mine.....how nice...

anyways, this job although is not an industry that i hope to be in, its worth a try, anyways the notice period is 24 hours..haha..i do hope that this marketing coordinator job will be a route towards marketing...

i should be rejoicing over this new start, but once i think of the funeral, i couldn't bring my mood up. contridicting emotions...
----

tml's the last day of the funeral......sadness is beginning to build up in me...it only started today. since monday, i never shed a single tear for grand. i only felt this sadness when i came across a video taken during chinese new year earlier this year. she was still alive & kicking @ my house, now she's dead. thats when i realised....oh ya...she's dead, tears almost spilled...

for the past few days i was almost angry everyday...probably the hormones working me..but..i was angry for not being in a job, i was angry for the sudden death & the mess at the funeral, the stupid letter that the fucking coy asked me to sign..

but there wasnt a way for me to vent it all out, it got me very frustrated with myself..stupid..even thou i wanted to talk to my darling, i didn't know how to express it...i couldn't find the right words to express..

i guess the shock messed my feelings to the extend, i almost couldn't realise what i was actually feeling. im mad..haha...but after a night of lots of calming myself & sorting my emotions plus a little sleep, i felt better...

---

now i have to deal with what's installed for me tomorrow morning. the wake will start at 11am..thats the last time we'd be with her physically....after tomorrow she'd be history, while i prepare myself for my future come monday....i just hope that my dad can deal with it well....rest in peace & good luck to myself!

fun @ timbre. with our fave lecturer...

after 3 attempts of arranging this outing, it finally happened, but sadly, yogesh wasn't there with us...

it was also sarah's birthday last thurs....hope she likes the gift & my selfish birthday message..haha...

Message to Sarah - no offence honey..

it was great to have krishna, jo & partner with us that night... =) & thanks for sponsoring all of us drinks to krishna & sarah..haha...free drinks with loads of laughter...

i love timbre's super thin crust pizza...but im too broke to have my dinner there...

its also been some time since NAFTA met up....i guess from the 1st time we went to timbre, its going to be a usual hangout for all of us, including krishna...

he mentioned he might be going there again this fri...glad everyone liked this recommendation...

we will all gather frequently like his students (20 over of them!) 10 over years ago who still keep in tough till TODAY! how rare....if 20+ can make it a point, we can too.....

both krishna & sarah asked me to forward them my CV..haha..im deeply grateful...hope with their referrals i'd be able to get a job soon.........................*sigh*

i seriously cant forget krishna's reaction when sarah called him "SIR" over & over again...it was darn funny! haha.....guess she's got a problem with SIR..

as said in the earlier entry, things have to slow down....due to the 'family affair'......

grandma passed.....................

i was still sleeping soundly when i heard dad cried...i jumped out of bed immediately to realise he was sitting on the floor in tears...

"grandma's dead" was the reply....stunned...but no tears came as i wasn't close to her in the first place....but it was heartbreaking to see him cry...

her death came as a shock to all...she fell & passed in her toilet in the middle of the night (cuz of hypertension)...no one realised till my aunt woke...everyone's suffering from the shock...

but it's considered an easy death..at least no operations or long suffering bodily pain...rest in peace...i'd never forget her gold front teeth..too shiny to be forgotten...ha...

its going to be a 5 day funeral...till come friday...guess my jobhunt has to slow down again....when can a job come!? its already october........

i'm not too affected by her death, i don quite like her in the 1st place..who likes to have a "money granny"? (its a long story anywas) money won't mean a thing when u die....now, not a single cent is brought along with her.....

no matter how much i dislike her, a wave of sadness came when i saw her body lying in the toilet @ her house...its sad.....she's after all dead. all grudges should be past like she is.....

every year's Children's Day will be her death anniversary.....

i was supposed to have an interview in the PM, but had to postpone it..things always happen when im suppose to go for interviews...1st i was sick, now this....

things happen for a reason...