mixed emotions...

i got a pleasant news today - i got a job....again.....ha...

this time i don feel as dreadful as i felt for the previous job. good sign...plus i'd be working in orchard! lol..more money spending as i'd be working in lido! hohoho! just imagine the 'noise' i'd be exposed to EVERYDAY! is that good or bad?

1 more good thing is that i'd be able to lunch with pris! ha...she said her lunch time is flexible, so she'd be able to match mine.....how nice...

anyways, this job although is not an industry that i hope to be in, its worth a try, anyways the notice period is 24 hours..haha..i do hope that this marketing coordinator job will be a route towards marketing...

i should be rejoicing over this new start, but once i think of the funeral, i couldn't bring my mood up. contridicting emotions...
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tml's the last day of the funeral......sadness is beginning to build up in me...it only started today. since monday, i never shed a single tear for grand. i only felt this sadness when i came across a video taken during chinese new year earlier this year. she was still alive & kicking @ my house, now she's dead. thats when i realised....oh ya...she's dead, tears almost spilled...

for the past few days i was almost angry everyday...probably the hormones working me..but..i was angry for not being in a job, i was angry for the sudden death & the mess at the funeral, the stupid letter that the fucking coy asked me to sign..

but there wasnt a way for me to vent it all out, it got me very frustrated with myself..stupid..even thou i wanted to talk to my darling, i didn't know how to express it...i couldn't find the right words to express..

i guess the shock messed my feelings to the extend, i almost couldn't realise what i was actually feeling. im mad..haha...but after a night of lots of calming myself & sorting my emotions plus a little sleep, i felt better...

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now i have to deal with what's installed for me tomorrow morning. the wake will start at 11am..thats the last time we'd be with her physically....after tomorrow she'd be history, while i prepare myself for my future come monday....i just hope that my dad can deal with it well....rest in peace & good luck to myself!