doubts, doubts and more doubts..

well, mood hasn't been too good for the past 2 weeks..but i don't really know the reason.

until today, i spoke to Ger about something, and i realized what's wrong.

i think probably this year is about to be 6th year for both of us. so i'm starting to get very doubtful of our future. and i'm getting tired.

all these years, its a step-by-step relationship, its leading nowhere, and just becoming, every other day, a routine. kinda like, "mum i'm home."; "mum i'm going out" kind of relationship. probably age has gotten into me, ha..old already..but now i find that having some kind of commitment or assurance will give me confidence in our future. just a simple assurance.

guess she's kinda right, he doesn't know where things would lead. that's why he wouldn't dare commit. how long do i have to wait for that? i wouldn't want to press him, its pointless. like a forced-marriage. so, i can only tell myself repeatedly - "let it be". can I really do that?

what do we really want from this relationship?

could it be that the love & passion has already disappeared without either of us knowing? is the habitual companionship and many moments of memories the reason why we're still together?

~sigh~