my simple life

moved.

2008-07-13T00:26:00.001+08:00

I've moved to:

http://patchsofthots.spaces.live.com/

..cast in stone..

2008-07-03T14:31:00.002+08:00

Confirm already...leaving in mid or end September.

I repeatedly ask myself, 'How do I feel?' I don't know. But I cried last night at the thought of September.

I bought P.S I Love You 3 weeks back from the Times GSS sale. I so regretted reading it yesterday. Throughout the MRT ride to work and home, I was controlling my tears. Scratch my bare wounds with my hands. Serves me right.

Its sad.

But there's a quote in the book that really caught my eye and its been repeating itself in my empty brain.

"Grieving is part of helping yourself"

So far, only my bro has told me to cry all I want as there's no point in holding it back. And he encouraged me to talk to mum and cry out as long as I can. He reckon that I'd feel alot better.

I've decided to follow that quote, except I'm not grieving, until I think I had enough. I'm also planning for a short trip, regardless whether its approved by my boss or not, after he leaves. So far, I think that is the thought i agree with most in terms of getting myself up.

I will go on a short trip, even a Bangkok trip is good. Shop my heart out. I need company thou, any volunteers? But pay yourself la!

I really wonder how he is going to handle it there. It will be so...lonely, so independent. This is the 1 time where he needs comfort, but I cannot give him any. Cause I need alot of that myself too. Given a choice, I will really wanna join him. But, the time is not right.

IF, if only I hadn't taken my degree 2 years back, I would be able to join him. But, its just plain talk. Its too late for reverse gear.

To god, let days ahead be peaceful and smooth for both of us...
-----
Apart from that, work...
Never been good. Sickeningly shitty. But, I'd hang on here till I'm more emotionally ready. When I'm back to normal. Then plan when the time comes. But the colleagues are nice. Fun. Just the work is, boring. No kidding.

Tomorrow will be my 1st month there. But, its boring the shit outta me. A lot of mess to clear.
----
Fun.
Never had that for sometime except my weekends with him. Meeting the Nafta girls tomorrow. Finally. Hope it will be a good one.
----
Bottomline: I hate my life now.

time is precious

2008-06-29T13:08:00.002+08:00

Time left: 4 months or less
Time flies. I hope it flies faster after he leaves.

I met Joe 2 weeks back. Damn sweet of him to get me a Corrine May CD. Its nice.

Everyone is telling me to be ok. But, I cannot. So leave me be. I can handle my emotions, at least for now. Its an improvement already. Another thing, that I think is an improvement is, I've been thinking of stuffs I can do after he goes. Things like knitting, beading classes etc....See how things go after October.

Now, all that matters to me is, spend time together. Then when he leaves, I'd just go with the flow. Follow what my heart tells me. That's how I want to handle this thing.

I had a real great weekend with him. And that's memorable.

Work, boring. Doing the same thing over and over again. But it's busy enough to keep me from thinking about things, most of the time. But, frankly speaking, I don't like the job. It's so repetitive. I want something with more versatility. But, let it be now.

I'm meeting Sarah & Pris this weekend. Looking forward to it. A girl's night out. I need more of that.

clouded.touched.

2008-06-16T22:02:00.003+08:00

I'm really touched that my dear Sarah called me after seeing my email to update on myself & get updates on others.
Friends....I love u guys too!

Volunteer to be with me, to listen, to keep quiet when I sob quietly over the phone. (Thanks dearie)

At this point of time, I have no idea what other songs can be better than this song by Oasis - Stop Crying Your Heart Out.

When will I happily stop crying and look forward to joining him (holiday) or his coming back? - I'd change it when I'm finally fine. *Grinz*

I have manage to come to terms that he is going (not like I have a choice lor), and we both have sorted things out like grown-ups. Now is just he parting part. Being apart for months before I can see him! HOW CAN!?

Yes I'm whining again. If you're complaining, try putting yourself in my shoes. 6 lovely years together and now apart? Not easy. Its never easy when norms are no longer the norms.

Now, I'm just hopeful for the future, pray vamps stay away from him. He's afterall a fantastic man can. But he's mine ladies & 'Gents' *Grrrr*

I do have plans to join him. But I'm leaving all these planning to after he leaves and after I'm emotionally stable again.

For now, every millisecond is important.

I'm cherishing it. dearly.

i'm finally hit.

2008-06-15T14:43:00.002+08:00

Entry from the previous blog says about how I fear he will tell me he's going.

Now, HE'S REALLY GOING.

He told me last Tuesday (10 June), and I'd been in an emotional turmoil since then.

I'd been wanting to write this entry. But I couldn't. Each time I think about it, him leaving me for 3 years, walls of the tear dam burst.

Each night, I cry myself to sleep. That is the only way of letting it out. Words cannot describe how I feel now. In fact, I don't really know how I am feeling except - distraught.

I've spoken to only a few about this. I don't know how to open this topic to people who knows me. Everyone's answers are pointing me to optimism, but I still can't steer myself there. I'm struggling.

I'd be struggling for long days to come. If people around me are tired of my emo-ing, this is what I am going to be. And I will be like this till the day I walk myself out of this. It is really hard to pretend nothing is happening, it is hard to take each day like the norm. Pretending it is the same and I'm ok, is avoidance. Facing it, is what I am being now, distraught. Cry.

I do not know how some couples can take that living apart. But, at least for now, I cannot. So please stop telling me to try to. I cannot! Not that I don't try. I am. Trust me. I don't wish to be like this at all. Trying makes me feel alot more worse. I rather be what I really am feeling. I feel better.

I cannot wait for the day I overcome my own barrier. I will be damn lonely can. So please ask me out people. I'm in deep social shit.

As for him, I know very well when he speaks of our better future. I'd be really happy for the 3 years to be over soon. And till then, if it is still our future, i'd be thrilled. We can only take it a step at a time.

He wants me to wait. But he cannot give me the assurance of OUR future. Now, he is too stressed and confused to talk about anything. I understand. But I feel, it is not good to leave the r/s hanging also.

But at least, I have friends n family here after he leaves. I know they will be there for me. But he will be all alone there. So boy, if you ever read this, I'm always a call away. I'd be waiting for the 3 years to be over and he comes back to me. Though things will be different by then, but at least, we can still keep the long running r/s going. Its already been so long, its not right to kill it off with our own hands.

Just hope that life don't make a fool out of both of us.

cold

2008-06-04T15:11:00.003+08:00

I know, I'm whining, I'm being emo. But, if I could help it, I wouldn't want this at all.

It feels like I'm facing cold spell deep down. I don't know what to face anymore towards the relationship.

Seriously, everyday I'm just so afraid to hear him tell me, "Ger, I'm going." I don't know how I'd react to this. I'm scared.

Being devoted to this relationship for 6 years, I suddenly realize my life is disastrous without him. And I want to get myself out of this. Really. Help....

I've no idea how to face him and pretend everything is okay. The longer this drags, the worse I feel everyday.

I know he's vexed enough. Pressing him for an answer won't help anything. I can only do the thing i hate most.

Wait. Wait. Wait.

I know something for sure, I want him to make a decision he will never look back and regret. His decision will decide the next phase of this relationship.

Bless us.

The "We" Essence

2008-06-02T11:04:00.002+08:00

The word, "We" is very much the missing element in my 6 years relationship.

Both of us are seen together outside, at his house and mine. But, what have WE really established other than being seen externally as a couple?

Never once did we talk about our future together. "Our Plans" have never existed at all.

Is it the memories the binding factor that holds us together for 6 years or is it really love? I really can't tell.

Last night I finally spoke to him about it (his plans for our future). And his "anything can happen" seems to end the conversation. Yes, anything can happen. But does it mean that you stop planning for the next day, the day after, the next month and the next year?

Is "anything can happen" defined as 'planning for the next second'?

I'm a strong believer in 'Anything can happen', but it doesn't stop me from planning 5 years ahead of time and change as things goes. Maybe its just ME.

It appears to me that he is not even sure if I'm The One. That's a very sad thing. What am I worth to him? I've never known my importance in his life.

And today, he broke the news to me. He couldn't get a local U admission. And his dad will not want him to do his degree in other U in SG. There seems to be only 1 option - study overseas. Like I said before, I don't believe in long distance relationship. I think he don't as well.

But at least for today, we're talking things in a We context. But I don't think we'd be we for long.

F.O.R.T.U.N.A.T.E

2008-05-25T20:06:00.007+08:00

I'm watching the charity show as I'm writing this.

Teardrops fell when I heard the song, Tong Hua. This song somewhat relates to the situation in China really well.

As I'm watching this show, they highlighted a few damn sad stories.

Damn Sad Story 1: A man was stuck below the rubbles for 3 days. And told the resucers who found him to save him, and said he needs to live on. He had a pregnant wife waiting for him. After 6 hours of rescue works, they manage to get him out. But, on the way to hospital, he just stopped breatheing. While he was still stuck, they helped him make a call to his wife. And suddenly all hopes were lost. Imagine the kind of sadness the rescuers felt? His wife? Heard and lost.

Damn Sad Story 2: A mother was found dead in a kneeling position. After the rescuers got her out, they cleaned her up. In that attempt, they found that she was carrying her 4-months old baby, unhurt. And also found on her was a mobile phone, with a msg typed out before she died in Chinese. "My beloved baby, if you are alive, just know that mom loves you."

So cruel.

What the celebrities said is true, we're really lucky to be living in a country free from natural disasters. The only method of destroying a family, is via accidents or man-made.

I bet many still take it for granted. Curse and swear about the government, lifestyle here etc. I think its time to slow down the swearing and think about how fortunate you are compared to the living and the dead in SiChuan. And you're likely to curse lesser. That makes you a better person, you know?

Today's Sunday, my family day. Dad's finally done with his work too. Its been about 1 month since we had our family day. I had a recurring thought, I'm fortunate. They're still with me, safe and very much alive and happy.
That's all I need.

From this sorrowful incident, I've learnt to cherish my family, my possessions, and friends more than before. I have finally understood the meaning of FORTUNATE. Nothing should be taken for granted. Nothing is absolute. Being happy is more than 1 can ask for.

To workaholics, guilty parties who have neglected their families, loved ones, its time to gather time, and substantial amount of time for them. You never know when you'd lose them. Gather as much happy memories as possible. Life is too unpredictable, too fragile.

Life still have to go on. Just hope this will pass very soon and it all becomes a history.
--
This week is my last full week with the current company. Seriously, I'm very nervous about the new company. I'm getting cold feet. I've never done anything related to that new job before. Its just like what I told the hiring manager, "I have nothing but a degree."

But I'm lucky to be employed, being able to pursue my dreams, my goals in life as long as I'm living, have the support of my family, my loved ones. Its by far the most motivating factor in life, regardless what kind of situation you're in. Once you lose it, you lose the direction in life. Life's nothing without love & family.

So much for now...

Old hag & my facial session

2008-05-22T21:17:00.004+08:00

first of all, I declare, I have NO DISCRIMINATION against aunties. But only this 1.

I was having my facial, and she too was on a trial, just need to pay a mere $20+ dollars for the service, while mine, I signed a package, meaning paid alot more per session.

Unfortunately, we started our sessions at the same time.

We talked through her entire facial session with the beautician. Talked about her son getting married, her daughter graduated from some countries, and her 'Diet Adventure". - Seriously, no one cares how fat you are, no one cares whether your son gets married or your daughter graduated. And no one even cared about how many kids you have. So just shut up and do your facial.

And her mobile phone is not put on slient mode, she answered answered and spoken like god-damned loudly in a small room! Worse still, her relative or friend later came in and this hag actually stand beside the bed of her someone & GOSSIP!

Man, that was the last straw. I had to vent it. I see no reason why I have keep quiet and make my facial session a bad 1. She destroyed mine, I do the same. I sat up on my bed and said loudly, "its damn noisy." And I think her friend heard it. And asked her to stop talking and go off since she's already done. But she carried on rattling. If you wish to talk so fucking much, can you please go to the kopitiam, buy 1 cup of 80 cents kopi and rattle all you want?

A beauty/spa salon is NOT THE PLACE TO RATTLE! Some privacy should be put in placed. Just like what they do in cinemas. This is the first time my facial session is so fucking horrible and ruined.

Many may think I'm petty to quarrel with an aunty. But, let's take for example, movies in a cinema. The standard is, everyone have their phones switched off, don't talk (whisper) and enjoy the show.

But someone sitting BESIDE you, starts talking loudly, phone kept ringing (not once but twice) and talked on her phone damn fucking loudly. What would you do?! Keep quite and tolerate and waste your movie ticket? Remember, you bought your ticket, she bought hers too. But there is some SOP that you have to maintain right! Besides, its common sense. Why do people go to movies? For entertainment, for the show, for relaxing and taking your mind off work n all other rubbish outside for that mere 2-3 hours.

Same goes for facial. Why do people go to facial? To get their skin problems solved, to maintain their skin, and of course to relax! So would you like to have someone be it aunty or youngster speaking loudly? Some may tolerate, but I don't.

But 1 thing I'm quite sure of is, they will not get her business. To my beauty salon, I'm sorry for creating havoc. But I saved your ass from a talkative client. To my beautician, thanks for making my session alot better by giving me extra massages. She's really good ok. I going to write her a letter of compliment.

I'm probably selfish by venting my anger, but the beauticians have to clear up the mess. I just want my right justified.

I told wei about this, think he didn't quite agree. But, I don't care.

prayers answered

2008-05-22T13:40:00.002+08:00

I GOT A JOB!

And I'm damn happy can!

Its really a luck thingy. I was in the mood to send CVs online & just tried which ever marketing related jobs I could see on the jobs portal. And, ~wala~, I was called up for an interview and had to rush down for it during lunch yesterday as office is really short handed.

It was a long 1, and very unprepared. I was so nervous my heart felt like it was in my mouth. I wonder why. Previous interviews weren't like this.

The interviewer, who happened to also be the MD of the coy, was considering who to hire (he was also considering another candidate).

Surprisingly, I got it. *yeah*

So I requested for an email to have that 'security' that I'm offered before I tender to the boss. Since my manager wasn't around, I had to give it to him. But before hand called her to inform her.

So, yeah, here I am, DELIGHTED.

But of course, my manager and another fellow colleague won't be happy with my leaving. Its damn stressful now. And they need someone who really knows what to do to handle the work. I only have 1 and a half week for handover. But, no matter how, everything has to come to a certain end-point. Nothing loops on forever.

I'm leaving the current company on the 4th of June, and starting work immediately the next day. Think I don't need any break in between. I already had enough break.

Is this the beginning of a change towards the better?

I hope. *x-fingers*

Nothing is Absolute

2008-05-19T14:18:00.006+08:00

The past couple of days had been upsetting. And I'm dying to get it out of my chest. Readers beware. Its a long entry today.

China Earthquake
Heart breaking.

Seeing TV and newspaper reports on e deaths n number of quakes. The constant hindrance from the wrecked roads n strong quakes has caused more death n difficulty in rescue efforts. God is destroying his own creations. There's been too many quakes, please let it stop soon. To date, there's been more than 3000 quakes (big & small). Newborns became orphans. Parents become childless over night. The unimaginable pain in their heart's. Nothing else can heal it. Nothing.

For people who are reading this entry, spare a few minutes n offer your prayers to e dead, the victims, the rescuers, the survivors n e now-paralyzed etc. God just created a whole lot of crippled, homeless, orphans. How are the crippled going to live their lives in future? *Sigh*

I, too saw a newspaper report on a newborn, trapped under the debris, survived by drinking his/her deceased mum's breast milk for I think 3 days.

Another police woman offered her own comfort to a newborn by offering him/her her milk. That newborn too lost his parents in the quake.

Many survivors in order to keep their lives have to lose at least a limp. 1 woman had to saw off her leg in order to be carried out of the debris. A huge rock was resting on her leg, and rescuers have no other way to lift her out other than to get her to saw off her own limp. And she bravely did it herself.

Out of this incident, you get to see, Love is in the air. Celebrities, countries, citizens of all colors and races offered their contributions, in cash, some even action.

To all Singaporeans who are living here, and constantly complaining about how sucky our country is, this is a time to stop complaining. Nothing is perfect. But at least we are living here safely, and in peace. We're free from natural disasters, at least for now.

Marriage, Relationships, Women & Men
One of my dad's friend A has a china mistress in her 30s, still holding a student pass in Singapore. He now wants to divorce his wife of more than 30 yrs. Went through thick n thin with him, bore him 3 kids. And now he wants to divorce her because of this student pass holder woman in her 30s. No brainer. He even wants to follow this China woman to her home town, saying that she promised to support him there. - Ya, right.

Moron.

He wants to sell off his business, leave his money with his wife. Anyway the business ownership & bank account is under his wife's name. She's got no loss anyway. But imagine the hurt in her heart. All these money cannot be used as compensation. No amount of money can compensate for heart-breaks. He highlighted that he couldn't stand his wife's temper anymore. After 30 over years of marriage, he cannot stand her. - Ya, right.

When men wants to leave you, they give you all sorts of stupid excuses.

And lately I heard a friend wants to marry a Thai woman also in her 30s. He knew her in a Thai pub less than 2 months ago. My friend is in his mid 20s who just started working. This woman pushed him for marriage. And mentioned she will not work after they get married. Just want stay home and be tai-tai.

Now tell me, How? How to believe in marriage, men n even women? I seriously have lost sense of all these suddenly. Can u really believe in it? I suddenly feel, a relationship is so weak even when you're married for decades.

I suddenly feel so scared.

Nothing is absolute. It doesn't mean your husband will not cheat on u after 30 yrs of marriage. It doesn't mean your boyfriend of many years will not leave you for another 3rd grade woman. How strong-willed can a man be?

I've also heard it from a male friend who frequents these pubs. He had friends who literally ditch their girlfriends of many years to visit these pubs. *Sigh*

Ok. To all men out there. No decent girlfriend will accept u frequenting these places ok! No! So make your choice n don waste our youth! Don't be so fucking selfish.

Question
What is the equation for a blissful relationship, marriage? Everyone's equation is different. I'm impressed by those who manage to keep their marriage going after many years.

How much trust should you give?

But at least for now, I have no confidence in it, not even in the future of my own relationship.

Nothing is absolute.

disasters...

2008-05-14T09:28:00.012+08:00

Recent reports on Cyclone Nargis that hit Myanmar and Earthquake at Sichuan Province (China) had been quite heart wrenching.

But here, you see 2 different scenarios, 1 welcoming all the help they could gather, and the other, blocking out "cries to help".

End of the day, its the citizens who suffer. Being the government of a country, you're like the parents of the country. And your peasants/citizens are your children.

Does it really feel good to see everyone suffering in your country? Gosh, looking at the news reports, its quite disturbing to see someone rejecting help. The dead is already rotting, the dying are joining in the rotting club. Yet, they're not concerned about it.

Rescuers have to fucking WAIT for visa to be issued before they can enter the Myanmar to save their people. C'mon, your people need help. Can't they just speed up the process? Is your process, your regulations more important than your people? Why not let the humanitarians save your people and care about your regulations later? Besides, these people entering your country are doing it out of humanitarian act, it is volunteered! They do it willingly. It's already been 10 days and only a minority have gotten the aid. But UN suspected death toll to be more than 100,000 people (Myanmar government reported about 60K people only).

Not many people will want to go there and suffer with your suffering peasants. They are also exposed to god-knows-what diseases there is now with all the rotting bodies, infiltrating into the water, their land, their fields.
Donations have been called for and humanitarian organizations have already gathered quite a substantial amount of money to aid these dying people. For God's sake, just accept the help.

See! See how people risks their lives to help?
Article taken off Channel News Asia - 11 May 08

BANGKOK - A boat carrying Red Cross aid supplies to survivors of Myanmar's cyclone sank on Sunday in the disaster zone after hitting a submerged tree trunk, but no one was injured, the organisation said.

"The crew steered to an island but the boat sank rapidly. All crew members, including four Myanmar Red Cross relief workers on board... managed to get to safety," it said in a statement.

Another Report: 12 May 08

BANGKOK, May 12 (Reuters) - A furious rescue worker accused Myanmar's military junta on Monday of crimes against humanity for refusing to fast-track visas for aid officials desperate to enter the country to help the 1.5 million survivors of Cyclone Nargis.

They say they will call, but it's always wait, wait, wait," Pierre Fouillant of the Comite de Secours Internationaux, a French disaster rescue agency, told Reuters after being turned awawy from the former Burma's embassy in the Thai capital.

"I've never seen delays like this, never," said Fouillant, a veteran of 10 humanitarian disasters. "It's a crime against humanity. It should be against the law. It's like they are taking a gun and shooting their own people."

ike dozens of others, Fouillant applied on Thursday for a business visa, his only option since the military-ruled and isolated southeast Asian nation has no such thing as an "emergency aid" visa.

The embassy was closed on Friday for a Thai government holiday, and was locked shut on Saturday and Sunday. It opened as normal on Monday morning.

At least 100,000 people are thought to have died in the May 2 cyclone and storm surge in the Irrawaddy delta, a death toll that could rise dramatically if survivors do not get access to food, clean water and medicine in the next few days, experts say.

Reuters witnesses on the edges of the disaster zone say towns and villages are being swamped by huge numbers of cyclone refugees and cannot cope.

There is virtually no government assistance and food is running out. Some residents say they are afraid the desperate evacuees will be forced to turn to looting.

FRUSTRATION

Against this backdrop, small groups of rescue workers are having to wait outside the iron-spiked, grey walls of the embassy compound in Bangkok while their leaders and local visa agents try to see if their applications have got anywhere.

"It is very frustrating," said Australian firefighter Craig Allan, who dropped everything at home to get to Bangkok and apply for a visa on Thursday.

His agency, part of Baptist World Aid, is called "Rescue 24" as it is meant to be able to put a team on the ground within 24 hours of any disaster anywhere in the world. In this case, it might be 24 days, he joked bleakly.

The U.N. says it has been promised three World Food Programme visas to be issued on Monday evening, and a handful of aid workers are getting visas at Myanmar embassies elsewhere around the world.

Some ordinary people are applying for tourist visas simply because they want to check on friends living in a country that still has an ability to cast a spell over visitors despite -- some might say because of -- its military government.

"I went there once as a tourist and fell in love with the place," said one American student who had flown in from Los Angeles. He said he had many Burmese friends from a year teaching English and learning Burmese in the former capital, Yangon.

"I just want to check my friends are OK and see what I can do," the student said. He did not want to give his name in case it jeopardised his application. "They said come back in four days. I'll just keep my fingers crossed," he said.

Before the cyclone struck, it took just 24 hours to process a tourist visa.

Patrick Michaudel, a French employee of medical services company SOS International, with clinics in Yangon, was almost in tears as he left the embassy at the end of a fruitless week-long wait for a visa. When he got to the front of the queue, Michaudel was elated to see his passport open on the desk with a visa inside.

He could only watch in horror as a female official then carefully peeled the visa sticker out of his passport and crudely covered up the partial stamp on the passport page with liquid paper. "No reason, no reason. She just peeled it out," he said, with a shrug of the shoulders. "I've had enough of this. I'm going home."

What are they thinking?

Hello !!! Luck you there??!

2008-05-13T11:47:00.002+08:00

I'd been kinda lazy to blog lately. Partly also pre-occupied with my iPhone.

I'd been busy searching for job lately. Had been doing that for like months...I hope to stop soon. I hate searching for job, WAIT, and going for interviews and WAIT again! No luck......when is it coming?

Work has been so far, been bearable, probably because I decided its enough. I'm joining the jobless crew soon again. *grinz*

I manage to catch Speed Racer last weekend. Quite a brainless show thou, very graphical, but watchable. But two very prominent message in the show: believe in yourself & your believe and family matters.

I was sitting beside 2 China girls. No offence to the China community, not picking on anyone except them. They chatting among themselves, talking on the phone and taking their food loudly. And they fidget around like nobody's business. Soooo darn annoying. At 1 point of time their talking became so loud, i told the brainless bimbo beside me, "Can you please stop talking?" It stopped, but their munching continued loudly.

So god-damned inconsiderate. Bloody hell.

Its a rule of life to adapt to your surroundings. When you move to another country, you need to adapt to their culture. If you're so used to your life back Home, please go back there. Rather than to create such a bad image for your homeland. But, they are just 2 of the black sheeps. I've met some who're nice and polite.

Today, I'm heading for an interview. Hope it goes well. I'm praying so often, but nothing comes true as yet. *sigh*

Everyday is a hopeful day....cheers!

internal conflicts...

2008-04-30T18:07:00.002+08:00

Its a week of true colors.

Sly fox in the company (the boss) is threatening to kill headcount of another department if sales doesn't increase. Meaning, rice bowl of another colleague lies in the hands of our sales. Wicked.

And he's critising that our team's pipeline of leads is lousy. We worked god-damned hard for it ok! And yet he effortlessly critised. Its very demoralising and hurting.

And he said I'm a slow worker. Handling things from the front end to the back end. I've already tried my best. I owe him no explanation. I guess he just wants someone to put 48 hours into 24 hours. That equivalent to asking for the moon.

Anyway, I'm still in office, waiting for time to meet my poly buddies. And I have a long wkend ahead!

Now everyday, the only thing in my mind is FIND A JOB SOON! Gosh, its either my luck's really colored black or the job market's really in bad shape or its my asking price and my experience that has the problem. But I seriously need help soon man!

Cheers for the long weekend! HURRAY!

fights filled with laughter

2008-04-21T11:19:00.004+08:00

I managed to catch The Forbidden Kingdom on Saturday @ Lido. And we saw Mark Lee and his wife. Pregnant. =) congrats.....And he drives my dream car!! Mini Cooper Convertible. Gosh.

If you're hoping for a good story line, forget it. Its more like a fantasy, comedy movie. The cinema was almost full. And the loudest sound in the cinema was laughs.

Its quite a heart-lightening show. If you're in need for a good laugh, you gotta catch it.

But its quite weird to see Chinese of the olden times speaking English. It just doesn't happen. Thats the part where I find that they failed to blend.

But still, for laughters, its a good show to catch.
--
Its Monday again. Hopefully I get to go some interviews this week. I'm all ready to go. Again, like every other day, old fool's asking for sales again. Not like he's hit his own target. He's far from it. Just cannot wake up his bloody idea. Depending on 1 person's sales to keep the company going. Mixing up all the cost & profit centres. He probably doesn't know a shit about cost & profit centres. *Faint* and he's called my boss. Like, how?
--
Just gotta bitch every other day. Life's like that. Bitch, be happy & move on...~yeah~

Happy Birthday to Myself

2008-04-19T12:14:00.002+08:00

Living in this world for 23 years already.

Today is the day mum gave birth to me. After 9 months of torturing her, I'm finally out, to torture her physically. Thanks mum.

Received alot of smses when I wake up. Something different from everyday.

My wish, I believe that saying out will make it more likely to come true:
- Get a better new job
- More money
- He stays here and study well
- Be with me forever
- Family & friends stay happy & healthy
- World peace.

Good luck Esther..and everyone.

a blessed girl...Me...

2008-04-18T17:48:00.008+08:00

I got a lip-shaped phone from Cindy & gang. haha..thanks...it really shows one thing - they totally have NO IDEA what to get me AT ALL!! LOL....But, I like anything that's from the heart. Even a simple 'Happy Birthday' means alot to me.

It really brightened up my day alot. Work's been rough, and I'd been rather upset with how things were. But meeting them on Thursday, I really lighten up alot. Thanks guys.

We went timbre, my fave place, the place I never get tired of. The food, I now declare, is FANTASTIC! We had Chicken kebab, Fish & Chips and Combo pizza (half roasted duck, the other some combined sauages flavour). Roasted duck is still better. and is the fave of the night. And of course, how can I go without my Erdinger right. Now I'm waiting for Cindy to send me the pics. Guess she forgot, she's real busy..

And today, my manager, she too got me something surprise. She actually made the effort to go get me the pair of slippers I saw with her over lunch few weeks back and left it on my chair. And this AM, I was thrilled & surprised. I love the slippers..its got cushioned base and straps. Feels like im walking on cushions. And its in electric blue!

She actually found out about my birthday through friendster. Haha. She's really sweet. I merely know her for about 6 months.

--
I went for an interview with a head hunter. A friendly guy. Hopefully I'd be able to secure a job soon. And out of the blue I got another call from another head hunter, saying that she's got this post in a huge mnc, and asked if I'd like to try. An assistant position. But I believe, I should have chances of growing there. Its international.

*x-fingers*

I'm starting to feel a change in luck..looking forward to a better new year.

and this, is the last blog in my 22nd year....Good bye 22...

when cohabiting isn't enough..

2008-04-13T13:57:00.002+08:00

Seeing my friend, who had been living with her bankrupt boyfriend for near 5 years, and still unmarried - I feel kinda bad for her. She's turning 30 this year.

Its obvious that she is suppressing her desire to get married. Saying things like I just want a simple ROM and dinner with close friends. But in her eyes, its filled with envy and doubt.

Few years back when I just knew her, she was happy with her 'then' life.

Today, she asks questions like, "What is exactly done during a facial? What is Medicure and Pedicure?"

At times during the wedding we attended yesterday, she said, "I want my dinner done in ...", "I want my wedding pictures taken." and also asked what kind of gown she can wear to hide her tattoos. She don't just want a simple wedding, she wants it to be memorable. A day to call it hers.

Even Wei can see it. Only her jobless boyfriend is blinded.

It caught me thinking, "Would that happen to me?"

Girls, we gotta admit, we would want to settle down at some point of time. Its just a matter of time, its a phase we all go through. I believe majority including me would have poundered, "Will he marry me?".

Being in this relationship for near 6 years, I frequently wonder if he will waste my youth. We still have many years ahead before we can afford to settle down, that is provided he has this thought. In my previous entries, I did ask this question too. There's too many 'what-ifs'. Its quite scary to think, what if another 4 years down the road and he is still not ready? I don't want to be a wrinkled bride. *imagine myself wrinkled, wearing a wedding gown*

Quite unpleasant.

So, questions of the blog - What would you do if:
1. This man/girl you're with is wasting your youth?
2. He's avoiding his next phase in life with you?

It can be easy to answer, it won't be easy to do it.

my job sux, my iphone is tops..

2008-04-10T11:02:00.004+08:00

I've gotta be a thrift spender this month.

Mum's, friend's birthday. Spent on my iPhone.

Anyways, I've collected my iPhone from my cousin. ~popping of champagne~

Its damn fun lor! Its a new fever between me and wei. 2 of us can sit at McDonald's and keep playing with it for hours. That's a new way of spending time. ~gosh!~ finally something new in our life. But, it's got its downside too.

The Bluetooth, is god-damned useless. you can only sync it with the Bluetooth headset. Not for sending pictures, files etc. Damn it!

But still, my new indulgence is a worthy 1. I like it. But it also means I have to part with my N61i, which is actually, a better phone compared to iPhone. It's got EVERYTHING I need.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'd been losing so frequently I can count the number of days in the week i manage to fall into deep sleep. I guess partly due to the fact that I can't get any job! Not even any call from the prospective employers. Is there no one out there willing to give me a chance?! Thinking of some prayers I can think of, but...unfortunately, none.

I'm like so damn sick of my work. Hunting (job) responses haven't been good. I guess, both me and my resume is JINXED to the pits. Time to change something. I'm going to start my resume makeover very soon! My birthday's coming, hopefully, hopefully, it changes my luck good too. *cross-fingers*

So fucking sway with job hunts. Its never been good. But at least, I have a job, thou, it sux to the max. A stingy, picky, calculative, narrow-minded, and everything-negative, everything-not-enough boss! FUCK OFF PIECE OF SHIT! arghhh...i really need to let it off. really. If only my manager can be the boss, it'd be so much easier. At least we both work together, try to improve things together, but its still never enough for him!? There's only so much we can do know....im so desperate.

the clients, are also irritating. haiz. what a shit job I have.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

fights

2008-04-06T13:50:00.003+08:00

Scenario: A fight between a bunch of Malay teens.
Weapons: Fists, kicks, a knife that looks like a parang.
Victims: The spectators
Venue: Outside marriot hotel entrance
Witnesses: Many handfuls of shocked spectators, and 3 of us

well, the reason I'm blogging about this is because, at least 3 of us were utterly disturbed. what happened was, we were collecting our car from the valet at the hotel, and suddenly we hear running footsteps and shouts. suddenly 1 fell and 1 of the kids, looks very young, raise his knife and slashed him. within a split second, the chaos dispersed. it happened and ended too fast for anyone to react, leaving everyone stunned & speechless.

it caused distress, shock and murmurs after it ended. its so different from what we watch on movies thou. the sound of the slash sounded like "pak" instead of "slassssh".

but the thought began, what if that person was your loved one? what if its your friend? what if its a hi-bye friend? and you happen to witness it? what would you do?

and what would it be if it happened in crowds? will anyone innocent get hurt for no rhyme or reason?

think about it...

....my fault...

2008-03-24T11:38:00.002+08:00

its monday again! ~locking my brows together tightly, and FROWN~

well, i've got complains about the jerk (the boss) again....

Q: is it my fault that 7pm is located right at the bottom of a daily calendar?
A: No.

Q: is it my fault that he doesnt read things all the way to the bottom?
A: No.

Q: is it my fault that he doesn't bother to check his appointments for the day before leaving the office?
A: No.

He did not bother to see the calendar of appointments set for the day, and its my fault client came and found the doors locked. Now that he lost the contract, he told my manager, "Esther put the appointment right at the bottom, and I did not see it." Asshole! (I used Google calendar, and printed the daily calendar (in BIG BOLD WORDS) out for him to track his appointments while my manager is not around. He was supposed to "HELP".)

I'd been literally baby-sitting him for the entire 2 days. Skype him 30 mins before appointment reaches, sms him to remind him of the appointments after lunch. All these, are not suppose to be my job. I'm not a PA. Its additional initiative, and how appreciated is it. -_-'

Gosh...my fault...

the constant whinning is actually making me rather tired....but I need to vent it...no choice...this is the best mode of vent-media.

Away from that....something I'm very looking forward to...

I'm getting my iphone soon! Hopefully if nothing goes wrong...my cousin living in texas has agreed to get me iphones when she's back...i cant wait for Singtel launch in Sept...besides, its gonna be more expensive. warranty not valid in SG thou, but, since when has a handphone lasted me more than 1 year? *smirk*

Growing older next month...23....7 more years left in the 20s...gotta enjoy it....so is mum....no idea what she needs....(maybe a way to get me home earlier on weekends so she wont call me in the wee hours to scold me...) so frustrating...why? Why cant she just sleep in peace. I'm in safe hands every weekend...

hmmm....dats all folks....

slience

2008-03-19T09:31:00.002+08:00

apparently, my prayers weren't answered.

no news....

this week's a busy 1, running a 1.5man show at work for the week. the other 0.5 man, he's the boss, he loves being spoon-fed. so irritating..

i've been getting migraines so often now, i feel almost like my head's going to explode anytime. torturing. think i haven't drank for quite some time, thats y..haha....finding excuses to go for drinks..

yogesh is back! it was a surprise thou, never expected him to come back suddenly. and leave me a miss call using his SG number and tell me he called from India. Prick. On Sunday I was in a drowsy-state (just woke up), and saw his name appear on my hp...i was kinda stunned & happy that he might be back...heez...and yes! he's back..

think he looks skinner now...pris agreed with me. =)

i somehow realise slience in my relationship, the vacuum slience..none of us speak throughout the time together, not looking at each other..just pure slience...its so quiet, it almost feel like im in the library...

this is not the first time its happening. its the slience that i find so unbearable. but it usually wears off after some time. think our relationship's been existing for too long. we have nothing to do nowadays if our friends are not around. gosh..how??

im so looking forward to this coming Friday, its Good Friday holiday! Yeahz!

come to me......

2008-03-13T10:02:00.003+08:00

good luck & money...thats what I'm asking for..

I've wanted to write an entry for this week, but been to tired...

having insomnia every now and then is a strain...its been happening for years by now..I'd never get used to it.

but i finally got to have a fantastic night of sleep...1 night...still not enough..

i went for an interview yesterday, finally 1 that went well, and i left the place happily, hoping for good news in the next few weeks.

~praying, pinning, hoping & wishing to the sun, stars and moon~

so it made my Wednesday rather well, considering the fact that i only slept less than 4 hours the previous night..
--

something i need to bitch about is...I've got very retarded programmers doing my Coy's website! and I've got an equally retarded boss..y in the world am i working for him? I'm not like him, not an atom like him at all...

if a web visitor submits a form to you, the FROM entry should be from the visitor (email add/name), the TO should be my work email add....yet....for all submissions, the FROM = TO...brainless fools and yet wants to be a programmer! and his attitude stinks...

even email & tell us (ppl in the coy) we should make up our minds. . .

seriously, need we even tell them what we want for this?? and yet the retarded boss can keep quiet after reading the email....~gosh~

he likes to pay & get suan-ed...not me...arghh...
--
just hope to hear some good news soon from the interview.....its a rainy march....if i weren't working, I'd be hibernating at times when i can close my eyes & sleep dreamless-ly for hours...

now, i just want the day to end soon & its FRIDAY!

...selfish vs self-less...fair vs unfair....

2008-03-10T19:55:00.004+08:00

I'm reading this book titled - My Sister's Keeper...Recommended by one of my friends.

A very touching yet tear-jerking story.

Kate, is diagnosed with Acute Promyelocytic Leukemia (APL). Anna, her younger sister, is somewhat born because of Kate. Anna's 'created' via In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) - meaning she has the exact same genes as Kate. The minute she's born, she brought to another operation in order to save her sister.

Now that Anna's 13, Kate's condition has worsened over the years. She's got kidney failure and requires immediate transplant. Over the years, her parents have never once asked Anna if she's a willing party to donate her organs, in fact, she felt used her entire life. But she loves her family. Very contridicting. So she decides that she wants to sue her parents for the use of her body. So far, there's where I stopped. Half way through the book.

Each chapter of the book is named after the characters. Meaning, it describes the actions and emotions of the particular character. I like how its written. It gives you perspectives of everyone involved, gives you a feel of what it is like to be in each individual's shoes.

Actually, I do know the ending already. My friend told me. But I just want to read and see how exactly good it is.

I like it...

Monday, March 3, 2008 - Brotherhood is Priceless

2008-03-05T15:04:00.001+08:00

I'm watching a show online as I'm writing this blog - Revolving Doors of Vengeance.

It's the typical story of rich man with spoilt sons and a huge family business. The attraction of this show is, 3 selfish brothers can turn into self-less individuals, and build up their brotherhood from scratch and their family business. I like such heart-warming drama. It shows the kind of siblings love in a family. In fact, I really wonder, does it really exists, especially in a rich family.

I wonder if my brothers and I will be fighting in a law suit in future for our parent's inheritance. But I hope not. I've always repeatedly tell my parents, be fair and state it in their will. It saves me alot of trouble. Money is never worth it. Brotherhood is more important.Till now I'm only half way through the show. But, its been good so far. I'm hooked. As usual.
--
At work today, bored - is a norm.

I went for an interview for the position of Junior Secretary. I'm not sure what prompted me to try out for that. I guess I've been rather lost and wondering what I can and what I should do. So I wanted to try out all kinds of interview, and just go for whichever I'm comfortable with.

In the past, I always wanted to climb the corporate ladder. But now, I'm kinda out of gas. Besides, at the end of the day, so what if I'm right at the top but I'm not happy. So now, I guess, which ever job pays me well enough, and gives me the most job satisfaction, I'd stay with it. Afterall, being happy is most important isn't it.
--
I've taken the first step to doing sales. I told my manager to start training me for sales from tomorrow onwards. Somehow my gut tells me I will be stuck here for some time. So I might as well embrace new job and challenges. Ey, I've grown up leh...ha...

I just hope that this new thing will uncover the unknown strengths in me. Moving towards the new future.....cheers!
--
I had a nightmare last night. A horrible 1. I dreamt about wei, he passed away suddenly. Its all a blur. All I could remember was I was hysterical and everyone was crowding around me. I was crying painfully and fainted. That's when I woke. I was so darn sad. It affected my mood totally for today. But, lucky its just a dream.

that's all for now...ciaoz....

Thursday, February 28, 2008 - news...reads...

2008-03-05T14:53:00.003+08:00

im kinda free at work today..

so it kinda made me wanna do this blog..

now - reading news on channel news asia, an everyday routine as i hate reading it on newspapers, too chunky...

i came across my friend's blog entry, talking about recession in the US and something that a minister said. - i agree with her.the recession will happen, the world is too intertwined all thanks to globalization.

now everything that happens has a dominoes effect. time to tighten your pockets and brave the storm. everyone faces different effects.

inflation...making things more expensive and some 3rd world countries are starving due to the increasing prices of food.

everything is getting more expensive and no way where the poor can afford. the poor just gets poorer.

enough of that...

about my other reads will be a storybook that I'm currently reading - The Red Dahlia by .

Its re-written and originates from the murder case many years back - The Black Dahlia.

Now halfway through it, not too bad thou...

This story's about a girl found mutilated, a copycat murder case back in the 40s, The Black Dahlia. The case was never solved.

The murderer leaves no traces of evidence, and instead sends anonymous letters with cut-out letters from magazines and newspapers to challenge the authorities.

I kinda like the storyline - murder, mutilated corpse, the every description of investigation and emotions of every character.

Thats the kind of genre I read most of the time.I also recently got 2 books - My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult & 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. I can't wait to start reading these books.....

so much for now....

...swayed....

2008-02-28T13:04:00.003+08:00

office has been quite volcanic lately..

the sales duo (my manager and myself) are struggling with the work, while the boss always go MIA. what good assistance is he providing...

as matter of fact, whether he's here or not, its not important. ha. all complains, clients, rejection cases will be passed to us to handle. he just needs to come and sign our paycheques monthly will do.

anyway, i went for interview 2 days back. im hitting the nails and i guess tonnes more are coming. . .

the interviewers asked - can you write? are you creative? - what kind of answers do they expect? i wont possibly say no nor will i say excellent. ha. but it did pop me a huge question mark - can i do it?

im filled with question marks myself. what kind of a marketer will i be? now its rather tough to get a marketing job, so, im trying my luck elsewhere instead. now, im looking for what interests me & i'd take it. afterall, we need to be enjoying the work to get work done. life's tough, why make things tougher for myself.

so since im still in a job, i'd take 1 step at a time...

one of our friends went for their wedding photo shoots at sentosa on the day i went for interview..and i tagged along after that. took pictures of sunset on my hp, haven had time to load it. will do that soon together with the BBK pics. it was darn relaxing..got a beer at KM8, watching sunset and chatting with wei & another friend.

Life's good......

in need of a new starting point

2008-02-19T17:21:00.003+08:00

im desperately looking for job..

i've got an interview this thursday evening. but this coy doesnt look like the kind i like. more of an education and training industry. kinda boring. but as long as i get the exposure to marketing, why not. its not too bad also.

i finally realised why he refuses to confirm me. cuz once he does that, he needs to include me in the bonus payout this month-end. thats why he's dragging it. disgustingly sickening right? i got to only know about this today. and i finally made it very clear to my manager, i will not sign any confirmation letter if it finally appears.

and now, he's trying to lure a new girl in my coy in another dept to join the sales and marketing team. according to my manager, he stopped her from elaborating about turnover rate here, and refused to tell her the mission-impossible sales quota here. LIAR..i have a liar as a boss.

worse still, he tried to pain a beautiful picture of the sales team. so gross to even think of it as beautiful. maybe its a pile of beautiful shit she needs to face when she's here. saying we all will provide her with the existing leads pipeline. awwww...hope she wont be that stupid to agree without talking to my manager.

im hoping that this thursday's interview will be the start of all other interviews. gimme more interviews! ha..im going crazy here while pinning for 6pm and thinking about new job every single minute.

other than work, everything else's fine and normal. happy with how things are going with my family and love life of course. just worried about the U postings that will be out i think in april. hopefully they/he will give me a good birthday present. i just need a better job with good prospects.

time for a change

2008-02-12T09:59:00.000+08:00

its dreadful to come work today...

back in this boring place, clearing the emails..

i sent a couple of resumes yesterday, hopefully i get some replies soon..

its so administrative and routine, i think i can do things with my eyes closed. its fucking boring!

making hotel reservations, be a human answering machine all day long, receptionist work..to hell with it..

i'm having a real strong urge to tender. i find this job a real waste of time. i hate to waste time.

marketing coordinator, which part of it is marketing?!

the most turn-off thing is, last week before i left for BBK, that boss came to me and ask about leads. he's restrictive in doing advertisements in the higher-end newspapers (such as straits times), don't even want to give a try in executive magazines, saying its too expensive (where its just less than $3K) - tell me - where the hell will leads drop from?

kept talking to me about cost. i jolly well understand the theory - ROI. the coy has no identity, no identification of where our fucking clients are, nothing. 2 poor girls in the sales and marketing team are stuck in a haystack. arghhh! i had enough of this.

may my prayers be heard...

back from my CNY trip - Bangkok

2008-02-11T17:45:00.000+08:00

its a darn tiring trip..

but can't really make out whether its fun or not..ha..kinda complicated & mixed feelings..

i guess it would've been a better trip if its just us, my family..

firstly, my dad is a man filled with responsibility & concern for others...but sometimes he kinda over-do it, and make people hard to appreciate his doings.

good intention, bad execution. i sort of flare up at him a couple of times the past few days, unintentionally..so now im quite feeling guilty..ha..probably im too tired...i'd make it up to him..

another thing is, mum, full of complains, think i inherited some of it from her..haha...donno if its good or bad..

but on the whole, its time spent with everyone, except for my brother who didnt go cuz of exams..

we bought a whole lot of things, took lotsa face-tired pictures..ha..so damn ugly with the eye bags & dark circles..we all lack sleep...

during these few days, i missed him damn alot..got tngs for almost everyone ard me, hopefully i didnt forget anyone. ha.

dad spoke to me about marriage yesterday, the topic i hated most. but he meant well, but i dont feel comfortable about it.

well, i kinda like my life now, so i don't see the point in talking about this now. besides, my love-life future is still stuck in a black tunnel. its not something i would want to think about. its too frustrating, i rather avoid it.

he's been trying to talk to me about this for a long time, i just simply brush it off by talking about something else. arghhh! i know he's got plans for us, but i just hope that they could put down their worries abit and start enjoying life now that they're healthy. thats the only wish i have for them, to stay healthy and enjoy life & be happy every single second.

its during this trip that i finally realised, we've all grown, i've grown older, they've also grown older and have new worries and hopes.

now that im back from this trip, i just hope to start everything all over again. get a new job, build a new relationship with the family. its time to let them understand what we kids hope for them. it seems to me, they only have worries and nothing else. its time they look at things in a different light.

i'd get the pictures out in another few days, let me have my piece of rest first, so darn tired. ha..gotta work tomorrow, damn sian..V day's coming, wonder if we're celebrating....

anyways, have a prosperous & happy new life this new year! muacks!

eating mud?

2008-01-30T10:52:00.000+08:00

back in office after the interview, nothing much, the coy is in a agriculture industry. i don't think i wanna talk to fertilizers. besides, its at habourfront. gosh.

no mood to work, feeling very tired, still coughing and flu-ing..and the aircon is friggin' cold..

came across this article in Yahoo - Poor Haitians Resort to Eating Dirt

Quite sad thou, imagine eating dirt for 3 meals a day. and your baby drinks the mum's milk. its all a result of increasing food prices. they can't afford it. so sad right. yet here i am wasting food everyday. the food we considered distasteful is delicacy to them.

how many a times we throw food without even thinking? well, i do that so frequently, i consider myself a sinner. I'd probably try reducing it lor..I'd try hard..

cannot imagine myself living in Haiti and suffering the lack of food. so poor thing, but that's the ugly side of life man..wonder if there'd be a good Samaritan to do some donation to them..

hmm...back to slog....

a new round of jobhunt

2008-01-29T17:08:00.000+08:00

im hunting again! for jobs..

i was sick for 4 days now..today the 5th..

i was feeling fine this am, cuz i had a long break, friday & monday mc..

then came a call - a foreigner - i realised i had enough..

i sent in my resume for a job vacancy i saw in jobstreet yesterday. and this am, i got a call for interview with the agent. so im going tomorrow morning before i report to work. i only sent 1, not expecting any calls so soon, nor even getting considered cuz of my experience.

apparently they are willing to pay UPTO $3k for fresh grads, think there must be alot of goers..gotta keep my fingers crossed & pray hard.

good luck esther!

doubts, doubts and more doubts..

2008-01-22T17:02:00.000+08:00

well, mood hasn't been too good for the past 2 weeks..but i don't really know the reason.

until today, i spoke to Ger about something, and i realized what's wrong.

i think probably this year is about to be 6th year for both of us. so i'm starting to get very doubtful of our future. and i'm getting tired.

all these years, its a step-by-step relationship, its leading nowhere, and just becoming, every other day, a routine. kinda like, "mum i'm home."; "mum i'm going out" kind of relationship. probably age has gotten into me, ha..old already..but now i find that having some kind of commitment or assurance will give me confidence in our future. just a simple assurance.

guess she's kinda right, he doesn't know where things would lead. that's why he wouldn't dare commit. how long do i have to wait for that? i wouldn't want to press him, its pointless. like a forced-marriage. so, i can only tell myself repeatedly - "let it be". can I really do that?

what do we really want from this relationship?

could it be that the love & passion has already disappeared without either of us knowing? is the habitual companionship and many moments of memories the reason why we're still together?

~sigh~

2008-01-19T14:48:00.000+08:00

another week passed...

i've got wedding to attend tonight...my cousin's wedding. i've only seen her less than 5 times in my entire 22 years..omg...im so dreading it..

but at least i finished watching Golden Path today, its a fantastic show manz..li nan xing's a talented actor..the way he acted in this show is really impressive, so is tay ping hui..its a damn sad show..i cried so much..the show hit my weakest link..even till now i feel the sadness..thats me..

now im going to spend the rest of the day watching shows, shows and more shows...ha...my enjoyment..and at night..haiz...some dreadful dinner...just cant wait to find a way to escape later and go out thou there's nowhere really exciting to go thou...

ever since graduation, i feel so darn bored...i really wanna get a course but $$$ its never enough...think i gotta wait till i've saved back my degree $...

something at work this week really bugged me..

sometime last year my coy sent some foreign workers my coy sent over are now suffering cuz' of the agents at australia. we have our australian agent who were supposed to get these workers job, instead this agent sent their resume to a 3rd party agent to get them a job...the fees naturally went up..

and now these workers are working double cuz the company supposedly paid them AU$30 a day, but in actual fact, they only got about AU$17-19/day..the agents are getting half of what is 'paid' to the workers. so the coy expected them to work extra and do things that were not in their specialization. as a result the agents commanded us to contact these workers to buck up else they'd be sent back to their homeland..what's worse is, as long as these workers are working for that coy, the agents get paid..

after my mgr contacted these workers, one of them actually cried over the phone (kinda heartbreaking). complained that they were not paid that much, and they got scolded everyday for not doing their work properly..the fact is these australians employers did not give them a chance to explain themselves.

all these happened as a result of the agent's incompetency, hence increasing the cost..but these costs are born by the workers..its rather pitiful, they've already paid over 10K in SG to get there in hope of earning more..but it turns out worse..besides that, i believe there must be some kinda racistism treatment..they're black-skinned..how sad..

i seriously think they'd be better off here..the agents never once blamed themselves, thinking they're right. but its not fair to these workers, what they were tested here in SG before going and what they are doing now are both different things, of different specialization. its just not right..

so sometimes, i really donno whether to pity them or dislike them..they're sometimes really irritating..now they don't really have a choice, they already paid so much to get there...they cannot afford to get sent back..hmmm....

something i learnt in this job - im so much more fortunate than them. i cherish what i have now more than ever..at least i don't have to suffer the pain of leaving my family behind..also, its always good to treat people equally regardless their status, color and race....

well...thats all folks....

yoga...sleep......

2008-01-09T10:09:00.000+08:00

both pris & i excitedly went for our first long-pinned yoga class..its damn good for sleeping manz...bet pris will agree...i almost fell asleep towards the end of the class where they asked the classed to lie down n just BREATHE & RELAX..

its fun thou, the stretching n all..but i wont be attending class today..having very bad menstrual cramps this month...its the 2nd day and still hurt like hell...panadol extra wont even help...but cannot take mc...no one else is assisting my manager...

i think im getting my confirmation this month..according to my manager, boss is reviewing my package..let's see how it goes...quite eager to get it asap...

i wonder what's gonna happen to me if my manager left...she's warned me that she's looking for job, and once she gets it, she'd leave...she's just being fair to me by informing me 1st..she's a very nice lady...just too bad that this boss doesn't work on staff welfare & he doesn't listen..haiz....

now, all i pin for is the new package and my holiday this coming CNY....still unsure of the problematic brother is going...he's got exams the very next day we arrive in SG..poor chap...

thats all for now.....back to work....

1 JAN 2008..finally....

2008-01-01T16:33:00.000+08:00

i spent my last minutes of 2007 and first hour of 2008 at home with wei watching the stupid countdown show..and..after that, he left n i went off to bed...

and on this first day of 2008, i went for breakfast with my parents and went for a haircut..

just completed my 2nd season of supernatural..its better than the first..im a drama series freak...

this year, pris and i are finally going to go for our yoga classes! starting tomorrow for 20 lessons weekly..at least something we both can do together as classmates again...ha...hope its fun..but guess i'd have a very hard time stretching..bones n nerves are all stiff after not working out for like years...

work....hope to get a better 1 with a better pay and more marketing exposure..every job is a pile of shit waiting for you to clear, its just how worthy that pile of shit is worth you putting in your efforts....

the current one is piling me with a 1-man show everyday with a 4 person work load to do..its a hell lot of things..and no one is bothering to help..yet the boss is saying im not doing enough..its never enough to bosses... ~duh~

anyways, plans will be made after CNY...after my holiday with my family...im real looking forward to that one..too bad wei cant b with us..

January is a long month...4 working weeks..gosh...lets hope things gets better and im heading timbre this friday! cant wait....

happy new year to all...smooth sailing for the next 365 days....

Happy Birthday Dad!

2007-12-17T09:15:00.000+08:00

it was dad's birthday yesterday, but we celebrated on saturday with my uncles n families...

dad was so touched when all of us sang him birthday song that he almost shed tears..when people get older, they get more emotional...

he's 50 yrs old this year...wish him health & happiness...think he liked the seiko watch we got him, its nice leh....ha....tempted to get 1 for myself too..

now at work, woke up with migraine...plus the monday blues...omg...but at least i've got a facial booking this evening...something to look forward to...

my colleagues are leaving this company, think once 2008 arrives...and the sales team will be down to just 2 person, me and another asst manager...and she's gonna leave too...

seems like my luck at getting a job is not that good...haiz....everyone's planning to leave..including myself, my plans are after CNY...handling blanga & indians everyday, trying to decipher their language is really a pain and it makes u lose your patience after 2-3 calls..

its so obvious that the sales team has lost its fighting spirit and yet the boss is not making any efforts to bring it up...i wonder what plans he has if all leaves...there's simply no direction..haiz..

2008 please bring everyone better luck....

yet another funeral...

2007-12-14T11:51:00.000+08:00

my uncle passed...another funeral to attend....its the 4th funeral since October. what a cursed year...he passed on tues late night...and i only knew on wed evening..mum & i will be going to his wake tonight...to pay our last respects..

its a relieve for him thou, he suffered from brain & kidney cancer, went through ops..imagine the pain he went through...so, now his pain ended...good for him...rest in peace...

finally some good news, MY MAID IS HERE! Hurray! heard of the news yesterday evening and lighten me up alittle bit..

it means i can have more facials & going out....hehe..

and its dad's birthday this coming sat. bros & i got him a seiko watch, damn nice..i got the urge to keep it for myself...hope he likes it thou...its the 1st time in my 22 yrs that i have him such an exp gift..but its worth it thou...

its finally friday again.....then i'd have 2 days off the irritants... ~sigh of relieve~
somehow in this office, the sales team is not motivated and all suffering from low morale..not just 1, but ALL of them...but the boss is not doing anything to salvage the problem, instead, kept pressing them for sales amd more sales...poor sales people..good thing i nv agreed to joining them as sales consultants...

im thinking of a new haircut, im so damn sick of my hair...botak is not an option, i'd get ditch & sacked i guess..haha..but its rather interesting, i quite like it. i regretted not going with yogesh to the dove brest cancer campaign months back...u're asked to shave your head...cool right..

shouting for maid...salvage my social life.....

2007-12-10T22:08:00.000+08:00

another week passed.. ~gosh~ its darn hectic and I NEED A MAID!

i seriously FAIL darn badly as a housemaker..doing ironing for just 1-2 hours is enough to drive me nuts. just ironing n ironing...omg..think i'd fall into depression if i had to do it 7 days a week..

my social life's in a mess...the last time i met sarah n gang was like...1 month ago? at timbre..

the last time i met my primary school friends was like...in april during my birthday...

the last time i met my wife (cindy) was like.....i seriously can't remember..

at least i met my poly friends just 2-3 weeks ago...we're gonna meet up soon when Joe comes back..

so my end of year resolution, get my social life back in order when the maid comes..

please people, lets just meet up k....i miss u all....

i've somehow found out the fact, somehow lost in me after i've been with him for so long, that, i fucking need to catch up with my friends! not meeting in like months? thats seriously not the way..no wonder my social life's in a big mess..everyone's all over the place...

work's been as busy, frustrating..but at least i got a job..i just got to know that..my company doesn't pay out 13th month, and variable bonus.....is really a VARIABLE....which means if my boss decides to declare that the coy is not earning enough, then...im paid monthly without the motivational big B - BONUS

he wants us to work late - but don get the building maintenance to have the aircon on till late.

he's planning to get us to work on weekends (and i mean 7 days a week) - but don get extra pay & no aircon, no windows ventilation..

and still the company doesn't earn...ridiculous....doesn't he understand the meaning of EFFICIENCY?

anyways, i've got plans next yr after CNY...c how it goes...*fingers crossed*

and to my dearie...if he reads this... - im not forcing you to do anything, its all your decision eventually..whatever the decision, i still do love u... (mushy right!) but bear with it buddies..

somehow, we cant talk properly face to face...typing it out is always easier way to express...that explains why sarah voted in superlatives in facebook - "text until they can text no more" - she's observant ya..ha...

time to crash - shag fm the sweeping n mopping..omg...

Quote of the day - "Speaking as a simple woman, i yearn for love & happiness"

love..deaths...funerals - screw 2007

2007-12-03T20:42:00.000+08:00

finally december...then x'mas then new year..hurray..screw 2007...

its been a lousy year...so many deaths around me...

just attended a funeral yesterday, my dad's mentor, my grandpa's ex-worker's son..41 yrs old...quite a sad background..heard that dad's mentor (the deceased's dad) has a wife who's rather pretty but mental...and his son (the deceased) fell during his NS days, injured his head and became a retard..after being a retard for 20 over years, the old injury came back and claimed his life...and there goes, 'pop' and nothing's left...

that's life people...

previously, think during the 3rd week in november, my mum's neighbour's husband died suddenly in Malaysia, heart attack..a few seconds..'pop' and gone..he left behind 1 daughter about 12 yrs, 1 son of i think only 4 yrs old, and another new born...and a mother & wife..

again, that's life...poor thing right..that's why, SCREW 2007...

and today...im gonna talk about triangle love relationship..sad to say, such things happen in this world..no offence to anyone, no finger-pointing or whatsoever..just a thot..

A has a gf B, and A also has a gf C who's a 3rd party..

put yourself in the shoe of B..how would you feel if you found out that your loved 1 is loving someone else at the same time? You're not the only 1 that you think you are in his life, the unique, special girl/boy..it sucks isn't it...well, it really sucks when B treats A like diamond and gives her all in that relationship...but, if B is a self-centered notorious woman..then well, its fine then....B deserves it then..

then, put yourself in the shoe of C, the 3rd party..some may feel that she's pitiful and has to carry this 'underground' relationship..but, why in the 1st place do you want to fall into this silly trap? knowing that the nail on the wall will hurt you when u knock against it, y don't you avoid it and find a better wall..probably a cushioned-wall like wat woodbridge has...

Will anyone holding the character of C ever put herself in the shoes of B? you're all of the same sex..taking for instance now that, its a BGR...both B & C are all women who in someway yearn for a man's only love..so how painful would it be to know that...its now being shared...

i donno about the others, but i wont be able to take it if i know that my man's a 'shared man'..i'd be more than in a hurry to ditch him, cry and carry the pain n move on till i heal..no one shares my man..not in any lifetime..

lastly A, would a genuine good man want to hurt his so-called 'only love'? is there such thing as 'only love' in a man's mental dictionary? its subjective...my conclusion on this is, if a man has a good, giving gf, he/she jolly well appreciates him/her n love with all their might...its hard to come by..don only cherish him/her when you lose it..its pointless n always too late..

its a subjective thot, so its just pure mine with no discrimination...love is such a...pain in the ass, but yet ppl revolve ard it..again..thats life..

hmm...i just wish that such drama won't ever happen in any of my life..cuz if it does, its the end of my trust in love that i built up these years..it'd be all gone n forever gone..my life's too revolved ard him..tooo much..its like a london bridge, if it breaks, it takes years and years of building before it all goes back to norm..but norm will never be the norm like before...people change..

just days ago, i was talking to my youngest brother, he told me, stop revolving my life so much ard him...

easier said than done...my small grps of friends have their own clicks n dates...and its hard that we meet...and seriously, i don trust ppl outside my circle..its hard to meet new people..but, i do haf this feeling that..somehow, subconsciously, i do feel that a small portion of me is drawing out, to protect myself..its so unpredictable that i think i want to protect myself, reduce the aftermath..

after this long write, im gonna watch heroes season 2...its god-damning nice! and if anyone comes across a school that offers professional certificate in copywriting, please email me..

sleep's the best medicine..

2007-11-28T09:07:00.001+08:00

i finally got to have a peaceful, dreamless sleep last night...its been 2 nights since i had a smooth-sailing sleep..im sooo tired..

housework's been managable but..im still not used to it..my left palm swell last night after doing it...glad its ok now...else...ha...will look like pork's knuckle..just not happy that 1 of my bros is not doing his work..and complaining the most..and the best thing is mum doesn't scold him at all! he's got 3 slaves serving him now and yet his msn nick was "life without a maid, might as well kill me". isn't he family too? im gonna take my eyes off him from now onwards and do my own part...make myself happier...

i got really upset yesterday, but..im fine after a night's sleep. i was really determined to have a deep, relaxing sleep to calm my nerves....its really hard for me to sleep know! but luckily i manage to, else i'd be fuming in my bed. haha..now, im fine..n over it...all i need is sleep..

work's the same......just looking forward to weekend's Sitex @ expo! wei n i are going...im going to get a digicam if its value for money, and he'd get a lappy...

he's going ord this friday, 30th...guess he'd be the happiest person on friday...2 yrs of torturing by them...

im wearing my new armani specs...got it at a discount..haha....feels good to be wearing sth new..haha....thats me...gotta go back to work now............................................

maid-less days....

2007-11-23T10:17:00.000+08:00

im at work now...feeling lazy to do anything....

im maid-less now..gosh....tonnes of work at office and now, housework...my nightmare....its tiring to go back n have to climb up and down the stairs to clean everywhere. tear me apart now! quick!

for the past week, work's been hectic, but fine..did advertisements n stuff..kinda alright thou. my coy's very budget, so they have to bear with a 3rd class designer like me. haha...but then again, i found out this imaging software, Paint.net, freeware. acts as a good photoshop lookalike. its quite user-friendly thou, so anyone interested with it, can try it out. they even have forum to teach you how to do certain image editing, and lets u install plugins. quite fun thou...

for some reason, my youngest bro cried for no reason and got the whole house worried..i called him and he just simply cried over the phone...god, it broke my heart...and tears just lost control..its lousy to let lyana and joe see that... *blush*

and another thing, wei picked up 4 kittens yesterday afternoon....god they're cute...they're all strays...poor thing right...so he picked me up last night and brought the kittens along...i was really frightened at first when i saw them trying to crawl out of the basket...ha, i've never seen one so upclose and personal and they look so....tiny..but i just got used to them while on the way home in the car.

we then fed them at the playground near my house....so adorable....but darn noisy lor! im still not sure if he's going to put them at spca....but i got to know from joe n lyana that they will put it to sleep if no one claims them after 2 weeks....so inhumane...

so since they'd eventually put it to sleep, then wat exactly is spca for? anyone can put them to sleep? why do you even need an organisation to kill these animals? contridicting..its pointless then...imagine these kittens, new born, are being put to sleep 2 weeks after he leaves them there....haiz..i rather he not pick them up at all. its just like saving them and get them killed by sending them to spca if they don't get adopted...

hmmm....hope to see those kittens again..ha...noisy but adorable to see them trying to crawl around you and licking milk off your palm..

thats all for now, gotta get back to slogging.....

2007-11-11T14:31:00.000+08:00

graduation
graduation is finally over....tiring man

it was fun when we all helped each other with the gowns..it was a very long ceremony..so tiring to sit there....

im glad yogesh came back, and all 4 of us are gathered together again...

im glad wei came to the ceremony....

im glad we got to take a pic with krishna..

before the graduation i was rather worried about the outcome of my degree...i got 2nd lower..so ok lar...ha..im not the study type....good enough already..overall, im glad its all over....we're going to have dinner with yogesh tonight...he's going back on tuesday..so fast..everyone's embarking on their career after graduation....and wonder when is the next time we'd see him...but i believe pris, sarah & i will still make it a point to catch up every now and then, and not forgetting jo & krishna of course...

past week
for the past week, i've been out almost every night..meet wei...and pris & yogesh to collect our gowns.

i've been reading stephine meyer's books....she's an author of children books...haha..but, its interesting..after reading her stories, i relate myself to the main character of the book, Bella. how she was torn apart from her loved one and how she struggle to make herself stronger by leaning on her friend..she's almost like a walking dead, with no soul in her..just living for the sake of living until edward came back to her. she was so afraid of him leaving her again that the trust was lost in some ways.

would i be like this if he leaves me? i guess i would...being a living dead for a real long time i guess...he'd be away for 10 days in dec..think its a good time to live without him...experience what its like...prepare myself for the worst...ha..silly right..this month is his ord month..fast...

im just wondering over and over again, would we really see rainbow ever again like we saw 1 on friday evening? it was beautiful..and we both started taking pictures in the car...

you know its really a long journey for us, and none of us could commit to what would happen in the future...none of us dares to...this makes me feel like this relationship is just going on without an outcome...im prepared to just wait for something to happen..

but during this wait, i might just start to draw myself out of this whole thing to protect myself...its a defensive nature in me...i comes naturally...

i just have to sit and wait for something to happen..

work
its damn admin...sickening....85% is admin and the remaining marketing..but there's been changes in my job scope..now they want me to do job hunt for our clients and will be paid commission..moving on, i might need to do sales for them in the immigration portion..but i hate sales....working with women is horrendous..their temperaments when they get stress up is intolerable..am i like this? its irritating...i cant stand it....im not goingto let this be me..

im still not quite used to working with women..u never know whats in their agenda..i wonder how long would i be here...but i definitely wont leave without a job..afterall this coy is not intolerable..

2007-11-04T21:13:00.000+08:00

i've got a pimple on my chin...its so big!! how to take pictures on sat?? not pretty already..coming sat's the graduation..haha...i've gotten the white long sleeves shirt and black pants for the occasion..

i felt most touch when wei told me not to worry abt the parking fees this coming sat, we're going to be there the whole day man..its going to be ex....he said he'd pay and he wants to attend the graduation so he can take lots of pictures for me..."just go for the graduation can already". its a small issue, but its what he says that makes me feel most touched...how he'd go miles to get things done for me and people around me....i told him he may need to pick pris n yogesh (if andy is not going to do that) he also say no problem..haha...

deep down i thot to myself, i'd be most happy to attend his graduation too....thats if it overcomes the other "ifs"...

yogesh is coming back, im looking forward to having the 4 of us at the mac again..haha..its been a long time since all of us went there....

anyways, i've gotten a new hp...nokia e61i..haha..its huge, but the reason why i got this hp is cuz its got WIFI and wei is using it..haha..so now im officially broke...luckily last mth's pay came in..but gotta tighten my pockets for awhile...

i've also booked air tickets for chinese new year...with my family..there's no point in us spending it here..not much relatives anyways..but, the bad side is, i cant spend with with wei..again..we haven spent new year together for 2 years...but i do look forward to it....its been sometime since i went for a holiday..

its monday tomorrow, this week's a 4 day work week.....think im going for a suntan on thurs....ha..and im trying very hard to get the pimple removed.....hmmmm...how??

2007-10-25T21:29:00.000+08:00

graduation letter is here!

its going to be on the 10th November, a Saturday @ Suntec Convention Hall....hohoho!!

all of us waited 2 years for this...and its going to come soon...! i just emailed yogesh, to inform him, cuz i doubt he can receive the letter since he's in India....he better come back n be with NAFTA for this joyous occasion man! we went thru the thick and thin of exams...we gotta go through this together too!

and krishna's gonna be there..ha..we can all take loads of pictures in our gowns..i'd need a make up artist that day...haha..i wanna look good in this memorable occasion...any volunteers?

im going to bring wei and my wife with me..wonder if she's free...they charge 42/pax for the high tea....im gonna make sure they eat loads of the food..haha....so expensive...!

my parents can't be there with me, so i'd probably ask the photography studio how much they charge for phototaking...want to have 1 with my parents...

they use to think i can never study, always comparing me to others...but, i've come this far...as the saying goes, the winner gets the last laugh...its true! i've done myself proud..hohoho!! just can't help being so cocky...but thats me...

so much for today....damn shack...........tomorrow's FRIDAY! my fave day of the week....haha.....

my long time worry....

2007-10-24T21:52:00.000+08:00

just came home from dinner with him..i requested that we do it alone..without 'neon lights' - the term i use when i talk to cindy (my wife)..haha..

feeling fresh after a day's work, i just wanna get some thots out....so im blogging n playing with facebook at the same time..i like to multi-task..

he's going to ord soon..i've told you guys about it before..

the nearer it is to that day, the more stressed i am over this relationship..im probably worrying too much, but, put yourselves in my shoes, how can i not worry? teach me if u can..

his dad wants him to go overseas if he can't get into SMU...logically speaking, if he can't get into local U, and have to study in SIM, its darn stupid..he can afford to go overseas for the exposure...

ending it is the last thing i want to do..i rather die..im not strong enough, really....but, i kept telling myself, for his good, its better that he goes...and i totally agree...but not the part where we have to be seperated by continents...i've said it before, if he goes, we don exist...

i've been preparing myself for this for a long time, in case he goes..but....im never prepared..how to be when i see him every week, i sms him everyday...i can't bring myself to imagine the emptiness i'd feel if he left..i guess he wont get used to it too...my bugging..haha...

i have a pair of pillars i hang on to...my wife n him..if i suddenly lose one...and the one i lead towards most of the time, i'd probably fall...my bor, if you see this, u gotta hold on to me man..else i'd really drown in quicksand..

i maybe strong in some ways, but to have him away, i donno where my source of fuel will come from..i'd need to starve 1st and find a new source...if he leaves, i'd probably only seem him once every 6 mths..omg! its not gonna work...i don believe in maintaining distant relationship..

sometimes im rather impressed with his brother and his girlfriend...one's in UK and the other here..she'd only get to see him every 6 mths...for a period of 4 year i think...and its been about i think 2 years now...they still exist...

so i repeatedly ask myself: can this relationship withstand this test? i'd never know...the only thing my conscious mind tells me is - spend more time together...as much as we can..u never know how much time we're really left with, Together..

i'd not blame him for leaving..he's not wrong..im selfish for wanting him to stay, its my wrong if i do that..so i only wish..i hope...i pray..gods don help bad people right? maybe i'd be the exception? *grinz*

i just need to spit out this thot i have since last night..it bugged me the whole night till my swollen eyes finally feel tired...and today, it 'blued' my day...whatever happens, i know i have my frens, the readers of this blog to support me, tahan my bugging, crying, emo-ing for some time? after all its a 5 yr devotion....cant possible get over in 1 mth rite...ha..

but 1 good story to share for today ---
my mgr told me that my big boss, actually thought quite highly of my capabilities....ha...he's always having a stern face like everyone owe him $..so im quite glad that behind that face, he tnks this way..im proud of myself...i always think i have strengths that are undiscovered yet, and im keen on getting them all out....i don even know myself too well..

i'd dig it out.....someday....the answer to everything will come when its time......

rest in peace, chubby

2007-10-22T20:24:00.000+08:00

it was yet another shocking news....

darling's dog passed yesterday..and his kind maid, buried him in the garden.

i learnt the news this am, in the office and was controlling my tears all the while. its the 2nd death in a month, what kind of luck..i thought only good things come in pairs..

its depressing..he didn't get to see the dog for 1 last time..nor do the burial personally..

i know chubby 5 years back, when wei & i started dating..he's always trying to get out of the house when anyone goes out..i can never forget how he loves to come to us when we're eating..he's always hungry..just about 2 weeks before my grandma died, chubby was admitted to hospital as he cant walk suddenly. we initially thought he was injured by a car, but xray results wasn't like that.

looking at it from the good side, chubby already lost his both legs, he can't walk..and doctors couldn't find out what is wrong with him..likely to be cancer...once you try to carry him, he'd bite...he's a dog that doesn't bite at all..it must be really painful to touch him..

now that he's dead, he's free to wander around like before and return home when he's tired. he wont be deprived of his daily activity anymore..good for him..i just pray for him to be happy in the other world &....we'd all miss him..

another sunday afternoon..

2007-10-21T19:15:00.000+08:00

i pinned for weekend to come the whole of last week..

work was as usual, boring..but im telling myself to carry on..i believe something interesting will come 1 day. last friday my boss told me, i'd be getting busy in days to come as they're looking for ways to increase sales...lets hope they have more marketing activities...

today's sunday, and i spend my day watching show..haha..there's this hongkong drama series, Drive of Life. this story is about 3 brothers who worked towards their dream of growing their car business. and 2 of the 3 brothers went to hongkong when they're young, leaving 1 behind to look after their parents.

the eldest fought for his success while in hongkong, while the 1 in their hometown struggled with life. in the end, the son of the rich man liquated the business overnight and they all had to start from scratch again.

that's when you get to see the sibilings lending a helping hand to each other in times of need. bonding themselves together to make their dreams come true. its a story worth watching, thou not everyone is so lucky to get such good family, but it happens in little corners that we don't get to see.

this story is very much focused on family and how they endure and persist to fight for what they want and wished for. its worth watching for the story line thou its a rather long story.

i've been searching for a new hp, i sold my samsung...too problematic..but there seems to be just too many hps out there, i donno which to get. ha..so im tnking of getting wat my darling has, E61i, its big, but im in love with the wifi..best thing is, if i get that, i'd be using the same hp with him..haha...

this relationship is making me growing more dependant on him, is it good or bad? am i falling into the curse 3 years back? when the pillar suddenly left & i was stranded in the middle of the sea for awhile before i picked myself up again. it was a period of demoralisation, made me feel so damn weak.

at many points of time, i find myself thinking, what happens if in the end, we can't work out..is the outcome really important to me? or is it the process of being together now that matters? what if either one of us decides to leave for the better good? that what would this few years mean to us? life would be so darn different, almost like a 360 degrees turn..how would i get through it if it happens? then what have we both been working towards this 5 years? its an aimless relationship, i have no idea where we're heading, all i know is i just want it to exist as long as im alive. does he think likewise? or is it a 1 sided thing?

i know im digging problems for myself..but, sometimes the thought just comes. not once or twice, but almost everytime after meeting him..i dread the feeling of leaving for him..WOMEN..arghh..

Happy Birthday Darling...

2007-10-16T20:01:00.000+08:00

this entry is dedicated to Mr Yeo, my darling....he wore the shoes i bought for him...haha..i like it...

This was where we went yesterday for his bday dinner...and we had a whole lot of food, but i only remembered to take the pictures in the middle of our sumptuous meal....

The food we ordered were fantastic, it probably tasted extremely delicious cuz everyone was damn hungry and in good spirits. it was too bad that we couldn't have our own time together on his birthday...donno where our fren's automatic button went. argghhh!

whatever it is, its his happiness that matters. but guys, swordfish collar is really fantastic..but the serving is too big for us girls..unless u got damn elastic stomach..but its delicious..

Happy Birthday dear....hope u had lots of fun thou its just a no-surprise, simple celebration. hope we can celebrate all our birthdays for the rest of our lives together......good luck & love ya!

laze...relax....fret...shoe-dreaming..

2007-10-14T17:01:00.000+08:00

im watching show at crunchyroll, drinking tea while writing...im in a lazy mood..

1st week in the job after a few months break, is exceptionally tiring..ha..feel like my bones are giving way...age.....hmmm.. i've been too tired to blog..now is the time...

---work---
the work is rather dry, i get so bored in the afternoons, especially after lunchtime..maybe cuz im still new, so not much work other than admin stuff is passed to me....i should just wait and see...for the money, why not, i'm not at a loss...

my work place is filled with women..omg..i can't bear the tot...last friday i went for lunch with the girls, and their shopping iternary after eating is MAKE-UP...something totally foreign in my life.."which blusher suits me?" - everyone of them looks the same, is there any diff? ha...i feel so 'man' suddenly..

1 thought came to my mind...does my darling feel that way each time i step into a shop to look at clothes and shoes? ha....i kinda felt how general men felt when they go shopping with their girls..poor thing...BUT that doesn't stop me from going shopping whenever we're out dear!

---birthday---
talking about shopping, i bought a pair of shoes for darling (hope he really likes it). it was a birthday present..im cracking my brains to find a place for dinner tomorrow night..its his birthday...every time this year i find a guilt wriggling out of me..

every year, he'd celebrate & surprise me..ha..yet me, i really couldn't think of anything special...im trying hard dear..now im fretting over what the program will be tml...HELP! i just hope he enjoys his day...his happiness is mine too....mushy right..haha...the power of love..

---twilight---
power of love leads to another thing...i've been reading a book, Twilight by Stephine Meyer. the story revolves around a girl named Bella, who fell in love with a vampire Edward...yah, i know its just like a typical old fashion love story. but the way the author writes, makes you mesmerise in this ridiculous story, makes you feel so in love....im loving this story so much...

probably i've been in a relationship for so long, i kinda miss the feeling of falling in love...i miss having butterflies in my stomach, blushing when you see the person....but, it doesn't mean im tired of my current relationship..its a different thing..

but still, i strongly recommend this book...the author uses simple English, and once you read it, you get dragged into their world..we all live in a practical world, so sometimes its nice to be immersed in some fantasy..

---shopping---

i bought a pair of shoes for myself too...!! from pretty fit...its only $33.90! very comfortable too!

i have to say, pretty fit has nice designs now...they have improved alot compared to what they were at first..their bags, shoes, accessories are nice....

i fell for a pair of pig skin shoes too...very comfortable..but its ex....$79.90...im missing it alot..hmmmm..how??!! there's simply too many things i want to buy..there's another pair of shoes that i WILL be getting for myself from Prima Vera..its my favourite shoe shop..their shoes & bags are rather pricy, but its of good quality....HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!

my shoe indulgence is uncontrollable.....i have to work more to earn money to satisfy them..tml's monday...i dread the blues...it always come to me..how can i stop the blues every week? adjusting to the environment is.....tough...i have to work harder on it...bless me..

'A'

2007-10-08T21:22:00.000+08:00

project results are FINALLY OUT! i got an A - 70.....thank god for krishna and of course my continuous effots & sleepless nights..

although its only 70, its still an A....thats all i wanted..simple..

today's also my 1st day of work. so far, everything seems ok. friendly people..heard the bosses are also nice..i never believed in nice anymore..its always overrated..i'd find out for myself in time..anyways, notice period is only 24 hours..haha..my probation period is 6 mths..which means unpaid leave & MCs for this period...omg...

but, this job needs to be my stepping stone..i need the experience...this industry is not what i aim for, after all my 'A' project (very hao lian right!!) is focused on automobile industry.thats where i wanna be ultimately..doing corp comms or product marketing for these cars will be my love...especially for lamborghini..haha....

the girl im replacing has been there for 3 years. so should be a good enough to let her stay for 3 years..i want to learn as much as possible within this stay in the coy in order to move on.. its important..its my future...

according to her, should any bosses be unhappy with your performance, they will send an email to you instead of screaming in your face in public...so my impression is that they respect people's pride....hope they don BCC to others...thats very despicable right...

its a female working environment..too many women..goodness! i came from a complete male working environment, and now..all women! from quiet working place to very noisy...this is when i have to pay tribute to technology & the inventors of mp3 players, ear phones & hardisk...haha..

what makes me even happier is, im accessible to msn & skype, provided its not seen by the bosses...so i hereby recommend, messenger live plus application (freeware)...it sets your msn on 'boss mode' by minimizing your msn to a small unrecognizable icon on the tray..hurray!

but the job is rather boring, i almost fell asleep while doing it in the p.m..but, i will persist..it doesnt come easy, like i always say, things happen for a reason...let nature takes it course..and let my persistance bring me to success! this applies to everyone! JIAYOU!

a brand new start

2007-10-06T15:47:00.000+08:00

the funeral's finally over....everyone's mood in the family has lighten up greatly....

glad that dad's fine now, although he cried like a mad cow yesterday..i've only seen him this way twice...glad that i don haf to see the aunts i dislike ever again....

today's a good day for clearing up the 'mental mess' in me & start looking forward to my 1st day of work come monday..i really pray everything will be a smooth start towards a marketing career! i wish for no more tyrants in my life ever again!

managed to clear some of the unfinished posts for the past few days..written halfway then got distracted by other thots....ha...my weakness...checked my emails & got busy with facebook..sarah's really active in it....but she's got her reasons to..its actually very interactive..i think you guys should try it out...

to end it off, i pray for a new start.....be happy & i look forward to the coming x'mas! haha..i know its abit early, but its my fave season!

mixed emotions...

2007-10-04T17:06:00.000+08:00

i got a pleasant news today - i got a job....again.....ha...

this time i don feel as dreadful as i felt for the previous job. good sign...plus i'd be working in orchard! lol..more money spending as i'd be working in lido! hohoho! just imagine the 'noise' i'd be exposed to EVERYDAY! is that good or bad?

1 more good thing is that i'd be able to lunch with pris! ha...she said her lunch time is flexible, so she'd be able to match mine.....how nice...

anyways, this job although is not an industry that i hope to be in, its worth a try, anyways the notice period is 24 hours..haha..i do hope that this marketing coordinator job will be a route towards marketing...

i should be rejoicing over this new start, but once i think of the funeral, i couldn't bring my mood up. contridicting emotions...
----

tml's the last day of the funeral......sadness is beginning to build up in me...it only started today. since monday, i never shed a single tear for grand. i only felt this sadness when i came across a video taken during chinese new year earlier this year. she was still alive & kicking @ my house, now she's dead. thats when i realised....oh ya...she's dead, tears almost spilled...

for the past few days i was almost angry everyday...probably the hormones working me..but..i was angry for not being in a job, i was angry for the sudden death & the mess at the funeral, the stupid letter that the fucking coy asked me to sign..

but there wasnt a way for me to vent it all out, it got me very frustrated with myself..stupid..even thou i wanted to talk to my darling, i didn't know how to express it...i couldn't find the right words to express..

i guess the shock messed my feelings to the extend, i almost couldn't realise what i was actually feeling. im mad..haha...but after a night of lots of calming myself & sorting my emotions plus a little sleep, i felt better...

---

now i have to deal with what's installed for me tomorrow morning. the wake will start at 11am..thats the last time we'd be with her physically....after tomorrow she'd be history, while i prepare myself for my future come monday....i just hope that my dad can deal with it well....rest in peace & good luck to myself!

fun @ timbre. with our fave lecturer...

2007-10-01T17:14:00.000+08:00

after 3 attempts of arranging this outing, it finally happened, but sadly, yogesh wasn't there with us...

it was also sarah's birthday last thurs....hope she likes the gift & my selfish birthday message..haha...

Message to Sarah - no offence honey..

it was great to have krishna, jo & partner with us that night... =) & thanks for sponsoring all of us drinks to krishna & sarah..haha...free drinks with loads of laughter...

i love timbre's super thin crust pizza...but im too broke to have my dinner there...

its also been some time since NAFTA met up....i guess from the 1st time we went to timbre, its going to be a usual hangout for all of us, including krishna...

he mentioned he might be going there again this fri...glad everyone liked this recommendation...

we will all gather frequently like his students (20 over of them!) 10 over years ago who still keep in tough till TODAY! how rare....if 20+ can make it a point, we can too.....

both krishna & sarah asked me to forward them my CV..haha..im deeply grateful...hope with their referrals i'd be able to get a job soon.........................*sigh*

i seriously cant forget krishna's reaction when sarah called him "SIR" over & over again...it was darn funny! haha.....guess she's got a problem with SIR..

as said in the earlier entry, things have to slow down....due to the 'family affair'......

grandma passed.....................

2007-10-01T16:45:00.000+08:00

i was still sleeping soundly when i heard dad cried...i jumped out of bed immediately to realise he was sitting on the floor in tears...

"grandma's dead" was the reply....stunned...but no tears came as i wasn't close to her in the first place....but it was heartbreaking to see him cry...

her death came as a shock to all...she fell & passed in her toilet in the middle of the night (cuz of hypertension)...no one realised till my aunt woke...everyone's suffering from the shock...

but it's considered an easy death..at least no operations or long suffering bodily pain...rest in peace...i'd never forget her gold front teeth..too shiny to be forgotten...ha...

its going to be a 5 day funeral...till come friday...guess my jobhunt has to slow down again....when can a job come!? its already october........

i'm not too affected by her death, i don quite like her in the 1st place..who likes to have a "money granny"? (its a long story anywas) money won't mean a thing when u die....now, not a single cent is brought along with her.....

no matter how much i dislike her, a wave of sadness came when i saw her body lying in the toilet @ her house...its sad.....she's after all dead. all grudges should be past like she is.....

every year's Children's Day will be her death anniversary.....

i was supposed to have an interview in the PM, but had to postpone it..things always happen when im suppose to go for interviews...1st i was sick, now this....

things happen for a reason...

"the devil wears prada"

2007-09-19T21:05:00.000+08:00

by right i told pris the title of this blog will be "out of this world" if i don remember wrongly...

but, i tot about it, its so much like this movie, the editor, Miranda Priestly. Mr. Tyrant was far worse than her. am i exaggerating? NO!

i tendered today, but only got to be 'commanded' to speak to him. (pointed a finger at me, & signed me to walk over to him) *freaking rotten asshole*

he spoke to me, said that he heard abt my tendering (calling it a miscommunication) with Ms. P & said i was being disrespectful if i don't give this job a try. & if i were to leave without giving it further try, i'd be a loser but if i try, i'd be a winner. (what the heck? devils talk like this?)

since last night, i kept telling myself, whatever happens, no matter how high an amplitude he shouts, i have to keep my calm & maintain a determined eye contact & firm stand on my decision. i did it!

i inisted on leaving, not like he persuaded me at all. giving me a road to choose as thou i was at dead ends. c'mon, the world is round, millions of companies exists. there's no such thing as i can't survive without his offer!

finally, he pointed his fat fingers in my face & said, GO. i replied, GOOD, took my bag & left without another word. he did say loudly to his PA cum HR slave to cancel my contract....

adrenaline rushed through me & a sense of relief set in as i stomped out of that hell..my 2 and a half days trip in hell was over....

------------------------------------END OF MISERY-------------------------------------

this 3 days.....eye opener, strong impact in how i view life, at least, my life..

i've been into a communist company....where only what Mr. Tyrant says is important, the rest, to hell with it...

i cant deny the fact that i do admire the questions he threw at his 'slaves' when he felt it wasn't right. he was quick n sharp.

but being demeaning....not acceptable...thinking that he's almighty....as thou he's all that's left in the world...if he's really Almighty, i'd really stop believing & respecting the existence of Gods...lucky he's not.... *whosh*

my point is, if Mr. Bill Gates don't behave like Mr. Tyrant, what right does it give Mr. Tyrant to abuse his authority? if he doesn't respect people, how do they look up to him? we're all slaves of money, it doesn't hurt abit to make it slightly easier to earn money, with respect & dignity...

respect, dignity & pride makes up the majority of me. i realised the importance of working extra hard when you're young & make a spare boat to fall back on. it leaves u a choice of your own. rather than to be subjected to humilation & 'blackmail'.

these memories will be left in my mind for a long time to come, always reminding me of how Mr. Tyrant is and the options he gave me (the dead end options), it will always remind me that, i control my own life, i take it to where i want it to be as long as i can control it, unless nature sets in...

i guess it'd be a good example to make me appreaciate my future bosses better..haha...

back to jobhunt Esther. this time im taking my cousin's & darling's advice - "take your time to find a job, somethings can't be rushed" - i seriously believe it now my dears...

overwhelmed with....frustration...gloom....

2007-09-18T20:26:00.000+08:00

NOTE: before you start reading, this is going to a long blog..there's just too many to spit out...

today's a day filled with gallons of emotions n thots kept rolling...i have to write all out, cuz i just can't seem to reali sms enough to my friends & darling to vent my frustration. but even when i manage to, can they really understand what i really felt?

in office....
1st thing in the AM, i went to speak to my direct boss, Ms P. i told her that this job is not for me, so far all the handed over junk are all admin work, NONE of it is like what she said to me, marketing related. Does she really understand the meaning of MARKETING in the 1st place? i really doubt so.

her reply to me was - "perhaps you haven't gotten your own workplace, thus this out-of-place feeling. what has that gotta do with MARKETING? persuaded me to try out. told her i will try, but eventually, not suitable i'd still leave. (couldn't be bothered to talk to her since she's talking cock to me, nonsensical nonsense!)

the meeting...
then the finally got to see the devilish boss in meeting. true as it can be. unbelievable experience. i never expected to see such a tyrant in my life! he acts like he's the king of the world.

the meeting was at 12pm, and everyone was asked to stand outside his office @ 1155am, to wait for his 'order' to enter HELL. - reason being - he hates to wait for people, but people have to wait for him! fuck it!

once the room was opened, everyone rushed in n settled down, that rushing in scene was almost like we're a group of actors rushing backstage to enter the main stage for performance. i was shocked to see them behaving like this.

in the room, it almost felt like no one breathe. plain silence until he spoke to run thru' the meeting minutes. he scolded his staff like they are nobody.

one thing he said that ran thru' my mind constantly was - "don't go around the bush with me, you haven't earned that respect yet!" to a writer in my team. seriously...how could anyone tolerate this? anyone of u reading this can tolerate this?

another unforgettable scene was - "use your fucking brains" - "poom" (banging of his desk till his drawer slided out). -.-'

all these said by the boss in a meeting - not to joke with the word "fuck" but get scolded by a cold-blooded creature - the tyrant.

and when he wants you to stop talking, he puts his 'polar palm' straight in your face. seriously, what the hell!

i was like an observer in this skit. i saw 10 gloomy faces. people who were initially upright, filled with laughter suddenly shrunk in his presence. - is this the kind of company you'd want to work in? well, definitely not me.

after thots...
during lunch the AO in my team asked, "so what do you think?"
my 1st answer & Q was - "how did you all tolerate this?"
her reply, "just get used to it & don't get too personal, then ok lor."

- this is like what my darling said, people don't really have a choice sometimes due to their commitments. but my question is -

isn't there another place in the world that can hold you?

do you have to really tolerate this?

the funny thing is, the people in my team are all very young, they jolly well can afford another job. the writers, the asst. sales mgr and the asst. publishing mgr...they're all young...probably they pay well, but....to suffer such demeaning boss?

one thing i can't miss admitting is that, this tyrant actually points out practical facts thou in a fucking rude & disrespectful way. his Qs to them are right in a business perspective, but in terms of EQ, its very.......i don't know....not right...violation of human rights cuz he's making you feel so tiny! as if all your efforts are useless, and he's better off doing it....

money & commitments V.S. pride
this leads me to think over & over again...will this ever happen to me? to degrade & lose my pride all cuz of money?

right now, i can say, i can afford to stay jobless. i have no commitments (all thanks to the 'people up there' for my lucky life...).

....but..in future?

when i have kids, take care of my parents in their old age, myself, and maybe my husband.........what will be going through my mind then....? will i be like them? tolerate injustice of a tyrant superior? let him/her screw me in front of my fellow colleagues till like i'm not worth a single cent?

everyone of us is a precious child in our parents' eyes, yet we're being treated like a pathetic dirt @ the workplace. its a cruel cruel world......

welcome to the society, Esther....its a cruel world out there where practicality wins, but does tyranny plays an important part to success?

am i practical thinking enough? or am i childish & naive? guess i'd never know till i have more of such experiences (i sincerely pray to all gods, i don want it to happen again, PLEASE!)

i've decided to tender tomorrow, 1st thing in the AM. regardless of what they wish to say or screw, im leaving for good...i don see how i can adjust myself that soon to fit into this coy...im leaving before i get screwed by tyrant..i'd retaliate.....i may lose, but i'd put on a fierce fight to hold my pride....simply no respect towards his employees...even the interns were scolded like drenched monkeys.

at home....
i looked forward to coming home for a good rest n complain session...end up quarreling over a printer & game with the other 'tyrant' at home...(yes, the notorious one......HIM!) its the 3rd time we quarrelled over such tiny, SAME issue....i really give up...the thot of this makes my heart break...it always does..making my day even worse...a trail of tears flowed down my cheeks....

"Tears are the most substantial and yet the most fleeting, the most obvious and yet the most enigmatic proof of our emotional lives" - By JEFFREY BERMAN

tears always fall when i quarrel with him..its always due to a misunderstanding & he starts throwing words at you...it stings my heart...but, he will never know...in his eyes, im his 'tyrant sister' who always talk about him & stuff...im never good...ha.. =(

i hate to let my mum see that ugly display, but i couldn't help it but retaliate..im very defensive..

...........loss for words...........

things haven't gone too well as i hoped for, life is unpredictable & never perfect...i could only hang on & pray that gloomy clouds drift pass me & never come back....and may good things come my way, .....eventually....life still goes on, and no matter how bad i feel, im not as bad as what some other Beings are experiencing...im still lucky.....one song that i find suitable for myself now is Stand Back Up By Sugarland....hear it... =)

NOTE: thanks for reading this long writeup...ha...but congratulations! you finished an anecdote by the infamous Esther Ng!

first & the last?

2007-09-17T22:12:00.000+08:00

today's my 1st day of work n i'm utterly disappointed & frustrated!

firstly, i don't have any enthusiasm towards this job......i tried cultivating it for 1 week...

secondly, once i step into the office. it doesnt feel right. i even took the wrong bus on the way to the office! its my fault for being so blur thou.

they had a short department update meeting & i was introduced to everyone in the team. after which i was led to my future work station after the girl leaves. all of a sudden, this admin lady wrote a note n it read "put your hp on slient mode".

then, the orientation by this HR cum PA donkey (female, btw). this was when i reali determined, this is not my job AT ALL....... perhaps im too pampered to start with.

1. cleaning duties, key master duty etc.
2. she will comment on ur dressing even when the bosses can't be bothered, she said it herself.

then the handover session......

1. its ALL admin work. i had enough it it already, really. there's not threshold level to tolerate any administrative work in me. abit, i can understand, its part n parcel of work, but the entire handover!? NO WAY!

2. i was told the big boss screams at you in the face and bangs tables in meetings, throw things in your face when u do thing wrongly.....(real jerk isn't it)

3. the boss will walk ard the office scouting for untidy tables & mess it up even further, forcing you to clean it. (where in the world did he come from anyways?)

i din believe it initially, but when he boss comes out of his room, EVERYONE kept quiet and virtually locked their eyes on their PCs. and the girl blurted out "oh, shit" when boss was standing behind our cubicle talking to another fellow colleague. i noticed him walking to every corner in the office to 'scan' for 'targets' in a sickeningly nasty look.

nothing in this coy attracts me any more, nor is it motivating in any sense. i've tried accepting the 5.5 work week fact & accepted this job. i've compromised, not alot but to me, its a big psychological barrier.

then now the cleaning shit n stuff...OMG! i can't stand a single minute in that bloody office!

and i forgot to mention, its freaking quiet, worse than a national library.

its really not a good thing to just feel like tendering on just the 1st day of work, but, nothing in that coy interests me. NOTHING. i seriously prefer more hands-on product marketing.

i've started looking for a job again. this time i seriously hope for something to be right. where have all the jobs gone!

People, welcome!

2007-09-12T12:53:00.000+08:00

i've added 3 more members to my blog...after we work, and yogesh being in india, we will haf lesser time together, thus, blog is something we can use to update each other on our happenings....

thus, to all 5 of u....enjoy it...

its very personal thou, thats y its called my inner abyssal.....(things happen for a reason) *giggles*

so keep to to only ur own eyes......cheers!

and may all Gods bless us.. since i don haf a religion.....any good God will do...haha...

....i got it, now what?

2007-09-12T10:55:00.000+08:00

i've gotten my results back.....

marketing & entrepreneurship - A
direct marketing - B

amazing! ha, i nv expected to get such results, in the 1st place, i never had any expectations other than to pass! (thats my mentality when i enter every exam)

i din't exactly work hard for this 2 exam, chit chatting at mac with my study mates occupied most of my time, ha....but it was fun.....so now to get this result...im extremely delighted..

i got a job....

at X company. starting work next monday...i've mixed feelings about it..this industry is not exactly what i want. but since the mgr seems sincere in employing me, i sud give it a shot then see how it goes.....

actually after i got my results, i felt relieve, just a single thing to make me happy...but this single thing is sth i have put in alot of effort in the past 2 years. the only thing im waiting for to cheer me up even further is my project results...give me an A for heaven's sake! i spent alot of time n sleepless nights on it...i believe im worth an A....

im left with 3 more working days to enjoy before i start dwelling in work....so...im gonna enjoy as much as i can! i can finally SPEND MONEY! omg! i've waited so long.....

this is at start to a marketing career....its now or never..i need to learn...steep learning curve....tactful handling of ppl....alot...alot of other stuff..this road to my eventual aim is rough..but, like i always say.....persistance will payoff.....JIAYOU!

to everyone reading this....same to you...persist & things ALWAYS happen for a reason.....

Got it....but.........is it a right choice??

2007-09-10T21:35:00.000+08:00

i received a call from "x" company (went for interview last thurs, offered me on fri). the mgr countered offer me as i was unhappy with the figure they offered me on fri.

i should be delighted about getting this job, but there's a big portion in me that's pushing a rejection.

y im showing rejection symptoms?
i could only figure out the most obvious rejection reason - the 5.5 days work week. im not sure if i could convince myself with this working situation, but for now, i thot i'd give it a shot. i'd nv know if i don't try.

probably im afraid of this new environment....
you know how sickening it is to be put into a foreign place n u know NOBODY! n when u start sitting at ur work station, everyone simply looks at u like an alien from the alienated Pluto...

y i accepted this job?
i was rather happy with the way this asst. mgr fought for my desired min pay and a confirmed adjustment upon confirmation after probation period. i mentioned the offered was too low & told her my desired. and today she managed to counter-offer me what i wanted. but still, i find it low....(very greedy hor, but who doesn't like $$$ right!)

but then again....

i think i sud give it a shot to see if it reali suits me, from the job description during the interview on thurs, its an interesting industry n job, get to meet alot of people etc.....its a f&b industry, who knows i may gain weight!

To my beloved darling - if you read this - if i get fat, U CANNOT DITCH ME! i'd castrate you 1st and I WILL BE THE 1 DITCHING YOU! HOHOHO!! *giggles* - but it only happens if u ditch me cuz im fat...i wont bear do that to you.....you're too dear....

p.s. - butty, u may find this mushy..but u can skip it! hmmp!

just listen to my complains for working on sat from now on...both dearie n the 'butty' who teased me for creating my own blog..u big idiot!

anyways, wish me luck.....everyone....including any Gods if you cared... *frown*

Ratatouille - Inspiring...

2007-09-09T13:42:00.000+08:00

ratatouille - interesting show with a few meaningful quotes "Change is nature."

this movie is about this rat, Remy, who loves to cook & definitely can cook very well with his great sense of scent. goes through all kinds of ordeal to get to what he believes in. impressive & inspiring.

it leads me to think of my job hunt situation.

i went for an interview on last thurs, and got the job offer the very next day. but the said pay package was too low.

the fact is i'm inexperience in marketing, but hold a marketing degree.

but this coy is arguing on the fact that im inexperience in marketing so give me a diploma grade pay! wth! is my degree invisible?

this career swtich is definitely not easy, but i will persist on getting the expected. thou my patience is running thin, i have no choice but to wait...

encouragement from my loved ones, especially my boyfriend & 'butty' is important to me. whatever happens, no matter how long it takes, i will persist. Have faith in what you believe and things will happen, eventually....

anyways, after being jobless for too long, im starting to feel lazy. alot of getting used to is essential for me to get used working life again. guess what my 'butty' said is right "enjoy now while i can before hectic life overwhelms me again"

Tough hunt......

2007-09-06T21:51:00.000+08:00

tough hunt.......for jobs....

its been 2 months since i've been jobless, im getting so darn bored!

so far i've been to 3 interviews including 1 this morning. but they work 5.5 week! the job scope is fine, just the working days. well, its not that im not the kind who cannot commit to a job, i can, but at my own expense. not a disciplined working Saturday.

even the government works 5 days now, y cant these companies convert as well? many may think that its fine to work on Sat, but not me. Sat are meant for chilling out with friends, do some catching up n stuff, not waste it on work. Life's not all about work people! Live life to the fullest, work and play hard! after 5 days of hardcore slogging, i think its not too much to slack for a Sat.

Then what about Sunday.......

Sundays are meant for rest & time with family.........

everyone has an "invisible" standards set for what they can or cant accept in a job, thus, mine is, no working on my precious wkends! unless the situation calls for it, yes i will make this 'contribution'.

hopefully something will come my way soon, having couch-ed at home for so long, i'm getting rusty!